Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
RYAN
The only thing grounding me was Nate’s soft kiss and the way he clung to me. I didn’t want to let go, too afraid he would float away somehow and that my moment of bravery, my moment of being so moved by a kid’s story, would disappear with it.
I didn’t want to take it back. Not ever.
“I love you,” I murmured against Nate’s mouth, savoring his smile.
“Is it fucked of me if I demand no take backs?” he whispered, pulling away slightly. His eyes were damp and filled with emotion.
“If you don’t say it, I will.”
Nate’s laughter was everything. It warmed my soul and freed my heart. “No take backs,” he said breathily before he pressed his mouth firmly against mine.
When we eased out of the kiss, I was absolutely aware of the stunned silence. A quick peek showed six shell-shocked faces. I did a cursory glance for cells and was relieved when I didn’t spot one.
A quick glance over my shoulder confirmed the almost empty bar seemed to be minding their own business. Aware I could have heard a mouse’s fart, I cleared my throat, stood by Nate’s side, and held his hand. “So, yeah.”
Dean was the first to lose the gobsmacked expression. “Holy shit, are you engaged? Was that a proposal? Did that just really happen?” He shot a look at Kieran, whose eyes were as round as saucers. “Kieran, did that just freakin’ happen?”
Wordlessly, Kieran nodded while my brain went into an all-out panic. “The what? No. Shit.” Alarmed, I also got whiplash at the speed of rotating so I could see Nate. The bastard wore a huge-ass grin, amusement dancing in his gaze.
“No, it wasn’t a proposal,” he said, rolling his eyes at me.
“Fuck me.” I legit held my hand to my chest, hoping to stop my heart from bursting free.
“Hey, who’s to say I’d even have said yes?”
“What?” Okay, so that wasn’t what I was expecting to hear, especially since a marriage apparently was something I wanted, according to my declaration.
I was so not yet ready. But still. “What do you mean? You’d have turned me down?
” Hurt rumbled ridiculously to life. Sure, I didn’t want a proposal to happen today, but yeah, that was definitely disappointment pouting in my chest. When Nate shot a dangerously high eyebrow my way, I sensed the need to keep my mouth shut.
He was wondering what the fuck I was talking about and why I was even debating this.
As if taking pity on me, he leaned in, only hesitating for a moment before brushing his lips against my own. “When we’re ready, we’ll know.” His words made me feel marginally better, but the shifting of a beer bottle across from me reminded me we weren’t alone.
And that I’d just come out to strangers.
And that I needed to get a jump on this before someone else did.
Dean, honest to God, lifted his hand, saying, “I’ve got questions.”
I snorted, and Nate squeezed my hand. “You get two, then I need to go and call my agent.”
Understanding registered in Dean’s eyes, and his whole intensity shifted slightly, softening a little. “I know this can’t be public knowledge, ’cause of course we’d know. I promise none of us will breathe a word.” He stared pointedly around the table.
I watched as each person offered me a genuine smile and a solemn nod.
“But you are coming out?” The question was gentle and kind, perhaps more than I deserved considering I’d been such a selfish prick to the man I professed to love.
Thinking about Nate, I peered over at him.
He remained at my side, smiling, a steady, confident reminder that he had my back, just as he had my heart.
“Yeah. It’s more than time for me to live…
” I hesitated, considering the right word.
“…authentically.” I turned my attention to Kieran, who still hadn’t said anything.
“Truth is, Nate and I have been best friends since we were kids, but when I moved to America, I was too chickenshit to admit I’d left behind more than my home and family. I’d left my heart behind too.”
I returned Nate’s tight squeeze to my palm.
“Officially we’ve been together since May, just this year”—fuck, had it only been four months?
I could barely remember my life before he was mine—“but Nate’s been the only man for me.
” This time I glanced at Nate, taking in the emotion directed my way.
“Taking you for granted, not being true to either of us was not okay.”
He shook his head. “Don’t you dare. We decided this together. We had a plan.”
While that was true, we both knew it was fucked-up.
“Next question.” Dean cut through the onslaught of emotions threatening to bulldoze me. This kid was a force of nature. I wished I could have been more like him growing up. Hell, now… with his sass and fearlessness.
“Shoot,” I said.
“Can we get a group selfie, and are you on WhatsApp?”
“You’re talking to the app challenged here, Dean,” Nate said. “But you can have my details. I’d just appreciate it if you’d keep them to yourself.”
An earnest promise later, we grouped together and smiled ridiculously at the phone attached to a selfie stick.
“I do really need to go.” Nate stood at my side, and then I found myself hugging all six of them goodbye.
With my arms around Kieran, I spoke quietly. “Thanks, mate. I think I’ll remember this meeting probably for the rest of my life.” I pulled back and was surprised I was almost eye to eye with him. He seemed so much younger than twenty-one.
“What’s your last name?”
Confused, he dipped his brows low. “Kendall.”
“Kieran Kendall. Next year I expect to see your name in the draft.”
When his eyes welled, I clamped down on the inside of my cheeks hard. “I’ll try my hardest.” A resolve, one brave as hell, hardened his words.
“I know you will.” I patted his back before seeking out Nate, who waited next to Dean for me. “Ready?” I asked.
“Definitely.”
“Don’t forget what I said about using Insta or something. Throw it on TikTok too for good measure,” Dean called out to us as we headed away.
“What was that about?” We followed the path to our secluded cabin, the moonlight guiding our way. With the moon set so high in the sky, I figured it was a lot later than we’d planned to be out for.
“Dean’s expert opinion is that social media should be your platform of choice when going public.
That’s based on countless successes and fails of public figures and other pro athletes coming out apparently.
” His chuckle was tight. “And I actually agree with him. You’ve mentioned a couple of times about controlling the narrative. Who better to do that than yourself?”
We let ourselves into our room, and I refused to let my pounding pulse drown out my thoughts. I kicked off my shoes and stripped. The material felt constricting, tight and hot against my skin.
When Nate’s concerned expression appeared before me, I startled.
“You can change your mind.”
“No, I can’t. I won’t.”
A gentle curve lifted his lips. “I’m so proud of you. Always have been, but in this moment, I’m probably the proudest I’ve ever been.”
“Is that because of my impressive cock?” I joked, already feeling the words fall flat. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m nervous as hell.”
He bobbed his head. “You want a shower first?”
“Yeah.”
I set about undressing Nate. He stood quietly, allowing me to unwrap him like a gift. Naked and before me, Nate was everything I wanted. And I was sure he’d be all I’d ever need.
“After the shower, will you help me?” Vulnerability hung heavy in my request. But since I’d already ascertained Nate deserved it all, I offered him every one of my truths.
It took five attempts to get the short twenty-eight-second video recorded. Nate helped me with everything.
We’d headed to the beach before dawn, having already hashed out what I wanted to say. As soon as the morning sunshine reached us, the first rays touching the golden sand under our feet, we’d recorded.
Once finished and still unposted, I’d called Micky.
Both Nate and I had almost fallen flat on our butts when he’d not asked me to reconsider or think of my future or anything like that.
There’d been no objection, no trying to talk me out of anything, just a request for me to call my new coach and give him the heads-up.
And wasn’t that a fun fucking call.
There I’d been, sharing with the man who’d I’d met a handful of times that I was about to come out.
I had to give it to the guy; he listened, never cutting in.
Asked a few surprising unintrusive questions, asked if I minded sending him a copy of the video before I uploaded, with the promise of watching it so he knew what to expect and that he wouldn’t be sharing it.
This was followed by my promise to speak to the team’s PR.
At the end of the call, Coach Felix’s words had legit made me well up.
Nate had looked on, concerned, wondering what he was saying to cause such a reaction.
When I’d told him how he’d said he was happy I’d given him the chance to support me, then went on to say how he had faith in our team and the management and that Vegas Stallions were honored to help me through this, Nate had been as choked up as me.
I’d uploaded the video to Instagram yesterday morning with shaky fingers.
After that, I’d spoken briefly to management, sent a series of emails to Derek, their PR guy, who promised to support and protect me as much as possible, and Nate reached out to Gran and Amber for me, preparing them for any media attention that may come their way.
The last call I’d made was via loudspeaker with Jayden and Sutton, both vocalizing their support.
It was no surprise that after that, we’d switched off our phones, refused to turn on the TV, and spent the day crashed out on our private porch.
But there was no more hiding.
Sitting in the private jet I’d happily shelled out for when Micky talked me through the reality of what would be waiting for me in Vegas, I squeezed Nate’s hand. The Strip’s lights sparkled and shimmered in the beginnings of dusk.