Chapter 8
EIGHT
SUTTON
We fished again, cooked marshmallows over open flames, went for short walks, and even went to Bill’s house for a barbecue. We’d also visited the small medical practice and had Jayden’s stitches on his face removed. They’d left a scar, which apparently made him look like a badass—his words.
The past week in Mitchell had been the escape we needed, but after one of Ryan’s calls letting us know the press were no longer camping outside his home or milling around the area, it was time to head back.
We just had one more night before we’d be dealing with the fallout of my declaration. And that would mean lying to two of our closest friends.
“Why can’t we at least tell Ryan and Nate?” Jayden asked for the hundredth time.
Our conversation was playing out like a game of tag.
Frustrated, I tugged the pillow from under my head, pressed it against my face, and groaned.
A moment later, Jayden’s fingers wedged into my side, my squeak drawing a laugh from him.
Returning the pillow to under my head, I angled to glance at him.
“What?” His lips twitched.
In the low lighting from the bedside lamp on Jayden’s side of the bed, it was hard to look at the man sharing a bed with me without my breath catching.
Every time I thought I’d got a hold of my emotions and controlled my reaction to him, there he went, looking so peaceful and sexy.
Add in the lines between his eyebrows as he shared my own frustration about our deception, and there was something most definitely endearing about the way my friend focused on me.
After taking a deep breath, I spoke. “We’ve discussed this to death, and just when I’m not sure, you remind me why we should stick to our original plan, and then we go back around in circles.”
Still on his side facing me, Jayden grunted and huffed out a breath. Warmth settled over me, along with the scent of mint toothpaste. “It sucks, and I feel like an even bigger dickhead.”
My fingers itched to stroke away his frown, but being in bed together would make that action far too intimate. Instead, I nodded. “We both feel crap about it, but we agreed to go all in.”
Nothing about our plan made sense, and we both knew it, just like we knew we kept backing ourselves into a corner.
Many times over the past week we’d had the chance to come clean. With our agents, with Monty, with our family and friends. The final deciding factor for holding on tight to our lie was answering a call from Pearce.
Jayden and I had ended the call shaken, privileged, and with a whole mess of emotions.
Then there were our friends who we’d be seeing tomorrow.
If we told Nate and Ryan the truth and explained everything to them along with our whys, they’d understand. I was sure of it.
But I knew all too well how once someone knew the truth, that information often found a way to escape. The truth coming out would be a hundred times worse in this situation.
The deception made me feel ill.
“All in,” Jayden agreed, his focus intent. I eyed him curiously, wondering at his intensity, and then he floored me when he said, “So we date for real.”
I froze. The loud pounding in my ears made it difficult to think. He couldn’t have possibly—“What?” I finally asked, sitting bolt upright in bed, the sheets pooling around my waist. “For real? I don’t under—”
Jayden sat up, his voice earnest when he spoke.
“Well, if we’re together and engaged, we’re not going to be dating anyone else.
Not that either of us was.” A smile lifted his lips as he continued.
“So yeah, before the moment that shouldn’t be named, which if it’s not clear is the time I put my tongue in your mouth, and just for clarification, you totally kissed me back”—he didn’t give me time to react, or even attempt to deny it, which I wasn’t prepared to do as there were already enough lies and secrets between us—“we were pretty much dating anyway, right?” My mind boggled, but he powered on through, saying, “You’re the only person I ever spent time with, went out or stayed in for dinner with, hung out with.
Hell, we even went with each other when visiting our families.
That’s like… the most committed relationship I’ve ever been in. ”
By the end of his mini speech, he was wide-eyed and looking deadly serious.
Me? Amusement bubbled in my gut, but right alongside that was a feeling that was so fucking dangerous I didn’t know how to handle it.
Hope.
It was a hell of a thing.
“You’ve been rendered speechless as you know I’m right.” Humor filled his tone, but the intensity in his gaze didn’t waver.
I cleared my throat and got my brain to work. “A romantic relationship usually implies being physically close.” Somehow I kept the wobble out of my voice.
“You wouldn’t even be able to count on two hands how many times we’ve hugged or held hands. Plus, there’s that thing you do sometimes…”
My brows shot up, and nerves awoke inside me. “What thing?”
“You don’t even realize you’re doing it.” Triumph flashed across his features.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You see, it’s so instinctive. You crave me. It’s okay to admit it. Everyone knows I’m handsy.”
It was true. Jayden absolutely was, but as he continued, I couldn’t help but wonder what he was about to share about me. There wasn’t a chance I’d touch the “crave” observation either. No fucking way.
“You always touch me when I need comfort”—pink lit up his cheeks, his grin not quite as cocky—“hold my neck, press against my shoulder, squeeze my knee or let me know in some other way that I’m okay. I don’t even have to say anything for you to be able to read me.”
With no idea how to respond, I pressed my lips together.
“You don’t do it with anyone else, and you’ve always done it, silently supported me, understood what I needed.
” When he stopped speaking, his gaze roamed my face, searching for my reaction.
His lips parted, and the tip of his tongue flicked out so briefly I would have missed it if I wasn’t so attuned to taking my fill of him.
Once again, my pulse increased. Jayden Moore should come with a health warning. One of these days, he was going to give me a heart attack.
Needing to say something, anything, I ended up asking, “But dating for real, how would that even work? This is all pretend.” The words sliced through me, but they needed to be said.
“Thirty-three years old, and you don’t know how dating works, Gale. Seriously?” He quirked his brow. While his cheeks remained flushed, his tone was easy, and a new sparkle appeared in his eyes. The man got off on challenging me.
And hell if I didn’t love him the more for it.
“You know what I mean, asshole. I know how dating works, but… why? I just don’t get it.”
Frown lines appeared on his forehead, and his exhale was frustrated. “Are you deliberately being facetious?”
“Fourteen points,” I said automatically.
While his lips twitched, he didn’t follow through with a smile. “We have, what, just over four months till media week? What better way to make our relationship look real than by it being real?”
I prided myself on being an intelligent guy, but I had to wonder if I’d lost a brain cell or fifty, as he couldn’t possibly mean a real relationship.
How would that even work? It didn’t matter that my heart was dancing to the “Macarena,” not when what he was suggesting would end up destroying me in four months.
“Spell this out for me.” I sighed in defeat.
“We date and do all things people dating usually do.”
My eyes shot high at that.
“Well, uhm…” A flicker of unease appeared on his face. “I mean like middle-school dating.”
And there it was, the truth of it all and what I had to remind myself of every single day over the next four months if we were doing this.
“And with super strict parents, so no second base.” The pink in his cheeks deepened to red. “Listen, based on what Pearce said, this wasn’t a surprise to anyone. But we need to find a way of living the lie. That means technically, there’d be no more secrets, making us feel less like assholes.”
I didn’t correct him. Pretty sure that being in love with him was a significant secret I was keeping.
“So we date, which pretty much means we behave exactly like before, uhm, last season.”
I struggled to maintain eye contact at his reference.
“Just no dating anyone else. Maybe a bit more PDA.” The shrug he followed up with was light.
“Apparently all I do is show you PDA,” I deadpanned.
He grinned. “You see, so it’s easy and super simple. We just need to get in the mindset and convince ourselves it’s real by making it real.”
Hurt splintered through me. It wasn’t like I could even blame Jayden for the agony each word he said created.
The whole thing was ludicrous, but I had to admit that while the thought of us “calling things off” hurt and was a slap of reality, having him as all mine for the next few months was something I couldn’t pass up.
The thought was selfish and creepy as fuck. No doubt I should have said no. The fine line between what was fake and pretend and how we could make that “real” blurred in my mind.
My energy spent, I bobbed my head. “Fine. Let’s get some sleep, and we’ll figure it out as we go.” I lay back down and reached for the lamp.
Once settled, I risked a glance at Jayden, who was still sitting up, watching me carefully.
“What is it?”
Remaining silent, he shook his head, an expression I didn’t recognize on his face. I frowned, wondering what he was thinking. And then he moved.
The action was slow, deliberate as he leaned down toward me. My breath caught, not quite believing and too terrified to believe he was doing what I desperately hoped he was. A couple of inches from my face, he paused, his breath washing over my skin.
Goose bumps broke out on my arms, and I swallowed hard, trying to control my breaths.
His gaze searched mine, and then his lips were on me.
Closed-lipped, the pressure was light and lasted but a couple of seconds.
He pulled away, eyes opening with the movement.
A slight tilt of his head followed before he whispered, “Night, Gale.”
As he switched off his lamp and settled under the covers, I finally expelled a breath. The sound was shuddery and loud in the quiet room, with nothing but the sound of the wind drifting through the cracked-open window.
In the freedom of the darkness, I gingerly lifted my hand to my mouth and pressed my fingers to my lips.
They tingled at the memory of the all-too-brief connection of Jayden’s mouth to mine.
I sighed and turned away from Jayden. It would be all too easy to snuggle up to the man.
My morning wood, let alone the semi I now sported, was not in the realms of what would be acceptable for middle-school dating.