Chapter 1
ONE
DYLAN
Sitting on the muddy bank with my feet in the water, I grinned over at Cassius. He stood, holding his rod, gently reeling in his catch. A wide smile stretched across his lips as he gazed at the moving line.
“Looks like a big one,” I said with a chuckle, focusing on the splashes.
“That’s what he said.” His response was quick, just like it usually was, the amusement there but disappearing a second later as I jolted in surprise at his words, head turning quickly toward him.
He. He said he.
Wide-eyed, Cassius stared at me, color in his cheeks and a look in his eyes I’d only seen once before.
Fear. That time was when he’d stolen a bottle of vodka from his folks’ liquor cabinet, only to realize a little too late that there was no chance his parents would believe a raccoon got into the house and knocked the bottle over, hence the reason the bottle was empty and in the garbage.
No, sir. Not in our bellies.
“The line.”
My words snapped him out of the silent stare off, but it was too late for his catch. The line went slack, the fish having wriggled off, making its escape.
Continuing to stare out at the water, my pulse loud in my ears, I held my breath. Aware of every movement my best friend made, I waited. Waited for him to make a joke. Waited for him to address the giant mammoth between us.
Was it a slip? Was it a jesting?
And still I waited.
At the clearing of his throat, I finally sucked in air, the action loud and shuddery.
“So yeah….” Sitting beside me, our shoulders brushing like they always tended to do when we were together, Cassius trailed off.
Discomfort rolled off him. I felt it in the tension of his arm against mine. Realized it in the shuffling of his ass as he went to put some distance between us.
Reacting on instinct, I clamped down on his forearm and finally angled to glance his way.
His deep brown eyes were wide, the strange fear in them easy for me to read. Because of course it was. But I didn’t like that particular emotion one bit.
Cassius and I spent almost every waking moment together. We had for years.
We knew almost—almost—everything about each other.
He. He said he.
Punching out “Holy shit,” I held him tighter. I couldn’t let go. Couldn’t organize my words fast enough.
The terror I saw staring back at me every time I looked at myself in the mirror splintered. Cracked wide open. It usually sat heavily on my chest. A dense boulder that threatened to catch my breath and make it disappear for good.
How could it not?
My parents—
Fuck, I couldn’t even think about them without breaking out into a sweat of self-hatred and loathing.
But this was Cassius.
My Cass.
He was the brother I never had. My best friend always.
The one person who I knew I could finally share my truth with.
“Dylan.”
The worry in his tone snapped me out of my spiral. Though it did nothing to calm my pulse or my fast breaths as they sawed out of me.
“I’m gay.”
The wind caught my words, so quiet, almost whispered, but so loud in the couple of inches between us.
A moment of stillness. Of absolute quiet. Even the flowing water of the Zumbro River didn’t truly register.
The flare of understanding in his eyes had me catching my breath.
Fuck. What if I was wrong? What if it was a joke?
I swallowed hard, reminding myself this was Cassius. Even if he wasn’t… even if he had been joking around, he wouldn’t push me away, right? Wouldn’t share my secret in our small-ass town.
The barest of movements had me bracing.
I landed on my back, a heavy grunt shooting from my mouth at Cass’s weight.
A whoosh of breath later, relief, pure and oh so joyous, raced through me.
Cass hugged me hard. With his face buried in my neck and the gentle brush of his breath against my skin, I felt him grin. Right before I heard his words. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”
Tears burned my eyes as I wrapped my arms around him, right here on the muddy bank of the river, in our favorite fishing spot. Unable to speak, I hugged him hard, hugged him so tightly that he started to chuckle.
“Can’t. Breathe.”
“Shit.” My arms slackened, and I reluctantly let him go.
As he pulled away, I kept my gaze on him, needing to see his face. Needing to see the truth of his reaction for myself.
A tender smile and warm eyes. Just seeing them loosened my muscles even more.
“I’m pretty sure I’m bi.”
My eyebrows shot up at his words. They damn well nearly touched my hairline at the deep pink flooding his brown cheeks. Embarrassment and Cassius in the same sentence didn’t compute.
My best friend could be a cocky, self-assured asshole.
Truth was, he put on that mask every single day when we were around others.
He was Cass, the basketball captain. Cass, the guy who was already being watched closely by colleges, despite that, when going back to school after the summer break, we’d just be sophomores.
He was also Cass, the handsome guy who always had girls trailing after him and all the guys wanting to be his friend.
Because along with all that, he was good and kind.
But he was also Cass, one of ten Black kids in our school. He was also Cass, who dealt with ignorance every day. That shit exhausted him and pissed him off more than he let on. Well, to anyone other than me.
“Pretty sure?” I asked, my brain coming online.
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “I know there’s a shitload of queer labels, and bi seems to fit.”
A huff of a laugh escaped me, the exchange surreal.
“And you’re gay?”
Heat burned my cheeks as I nodded. “Yeah.”
He studied me, gaze roaming my face, a concentration in his gaze that threatened to make me squirm. “So when you kissed Zoe last year?”
Embarrassed, I rubbed a hand over my face. “Gross and awkward.”
At his gentle chuckle, I glanced at him.
“I bet. Did you already know by then?”
I swallowed hard, my heart flipping around a little, still not believing the secret that had held me terrified and frozen for so long was finally out there. I felt light, like I’d been filled with helium and could float away at any second.
“Sort of suspected over the last couple of years. I suppose I wanted to be sure.”
With his brow drawn low, Cass looked perplexed. Once again, he studied me. “I’m sorry you didn’t feel able to tell me till now.”
Emotion clawed at my throat. “You’re a fucking asshole.”
“What?” A burst of confused, incredulous laughter joined his question. “Why?”
“You.” I laughed, the sound watery, my vision blurry. I shook my head, not hiding my reaction from him. When we made eye contact, he smiled softly and reached out and squeezed my arm.
My eyes almost closed at his reassuring touch. I’d been so terrified I’d lose him, that this one simple gesture would be my undoing as a fresh wave of relief trapped in my throat.
“You,” I started again, but it was no good; I had to clear my throat. “Thank you for being an asshole.”
His lips twitched. “A bi asshole.” He bounced his eyebrows. “This revelation puts a whole new meaning to assholes.”
I shoved at him, laughing loudly. His ridiculousness wiped away my threatening tears.
As we stared at each other, each grinning, nothing but relief and contentment between us, I tilted my head, sobering a little. At the change in my expression, Cass’s amusement faded, though a small smile remained on his lips.
“I’m not ready to tell anyone yet.”
Understanding filled his gaze, and he bobbed his head. “Your folks are going to lose their shit.”
An understatement if ever there was one.
Lose their shit? More like get me locked away and their church group gathered around me to call forth the devil from my soul or some bullshit.
“You come out when you’re ready. You know I’ve always got your back.
Friends forever, right?” He held out his hand, and I just knew he was going to do the tricky handshake we’d invented when we were eight—a series of taps, fist bumps, and ending in a shoulder check.
One we created in solidarity after a particularly nasty confrontation with Christopher Fuckface on the playground, whose whole family were racist fucks.
The day they’d left town and moved to Florida had been one we’d celebrated.
We did our epic handshake. “Friends forever.” I grinned and hugged him tightly before we picked up our rods and tried to catch some trout for dinner.