19.
Jewel understands people in a way that most adults don’t.
I know she has a big enough heart for that to stay with her as she grows into adulthood.
She might not like to show it, but she’s in tune with people and how they feel, and I believe she’ll become a family doctor who’s there for the moms, dads, and children she’ll watch grow up from one visit to the next.
And just like everything else she tries throughout her life, she’ll be damn good at it.
Thorn Tempest
JEWEL
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I yelled at no one important. Unimportant was the perfect description for my ex, who had just pressed the doorbell for the fifth time because he knew I was inside ignoring him, hoping he’d go away.
I was also hoping he’d fall in a hole and die, but I’d been wishing for that for years with zero results.
Maybe I should think smaller. Instead of a hole, maybe I should wish for him to trip on a crack in the sidewalk, windmill his arms as he fell, and crack his skull against the edge of the concrete at the exact angle to sever his C3 vertebra, causing him to suffocate.
And then die.
Because if he didn’t stop ringing that fucking doorbell, the miracle wouldn’t be him tripping–it would be me resisting the urge to throw open the door and kill him myself.
I called Esme Cardenas’s personal number and waited for her to pick up. I knew she was at work because she happened to be the dispatcher who answered my 911 call when I reported Robert for violating our newest addition to our situation–a protective order banning him from stepping on my property.
The second she answered, I demanded, “Youngling, why isn’t the SWAT team at my house with pepper balls and a bazooka yet?”
“I’m not sending SWAT, Jewel, but I am sending two officers to handle the problem.”
“Can’t we get SWAT involved? Oh, no! Call Brawley! I want him to get mauled by a dog!”
“I am not going to send a K9 unit to your house.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because that dog of yours would traumatize it, and then our K9 would be out of commission while he got doggie therapy. Just open a window and let Ursula jump out so she can take care of the problem.”
“She’s got a delicate constitution, and eating a piece of shit like Robert would give her indigestion.”
“911, what is your emergency?” Esme asked as she hung up on me.
“Well, shit. If they don’t get here in the . . . . You know what? I’m gonna fix this myself!”
My phone rang as I walked toward the front of the house, and I didn’t even look down before I hit the button on my AirPod to answer.
“Are they at least close by?” I asked.
“Who?”
“Oh, shit! Sorry, Nip. I thought you were Esme calling me back.”
“Which one is Esme?” Ziggy asked.
“She’s the police chief's daughter and Aurora’s godmother.” In reality, she was so much more than that, but it wasn’t my place to tell that story. Instead, I added, “She’s also a 911 dispatcher.”
Ziggy sounded wary. “What were you talking to her about?”
“Do you know how to disconnect a doorbell from inside the house? There’s a box in the hallway, right?
” I asked, switching directions. I could rip the box off the wall and stomp on it instead of ripping Robert’s head off and tap-dancing on his still-twitching body.
If I took my aggression out on the doorbell chime, I’d only have to replace it rather than risk a mugshot, a bail hearing, and an inevitable first-degree murder trial.
“Don’t you have one of those camera doorbells?”
“Absolutely not,” I answered firmly. “Never gonna get one, either.”
“Why not? They’re easy to install. Tino just put one in the other day.”
“And now some foreign entity can catalog every person who walks past, into, or out of your house, Nip. Not cool.”
“Who would want to watch that?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I answered sarcastically. “Maybe the FBI.”
“Well, shit.”
I stared up at the box mounted near the ceiling. I had just mumbled, “I’m gonna need a chair and a hammer,” when the doorbell rang again. In a much louder voice, I roared, “Get off the goddamn doorbell before I rip off your fucking finger and shove it up your ass!”
“What the hell? Who are you talking to?”
“Robert, and that threat you just heard was not a serious one. I’m not even near the front door and I’m not about to open it, so whichever foreign entity owns the VPN my Wi-Fi is routed through and whatever government agency might be monitoring this call, rest assured I was joking.
I’ve made much worse threats toward my ex, but he’s still alive and breathing . . .”
The doorbell chimed again. I growled in frustration and yelled, “Get off the goddamn doorbell, moron! He is alive right now, but if the cops don’t get here in the next minute and a half, I make no guarantees.”
“I’ve got something that might work,” Ziggy said.
“A flamethrower?”
“Um. No. Is that a gift you might be interested . . .”
“Yes! Very much yes! A resounding you’ll get the blowjob of a lifetime while I stroke my hand over the case of my wonderful new toy sort of yes.”
“Wow. That was . . .”
I realized it the second I heard Jersey’s voice, but Ziggy said, “You’re on speaker, Kitten.”
“You’ve known me for how long and haven’t realized that I’m not a speakerphone kind of person, Nip? Really?”
“Lesson learned, I guess.”
The doorbell rang again. I screamed in frustration, jumped up, and smacked the box with the palm of my hand. “Fuck this! I’ve gotta let you go so I can get a chair and kill this thing.”
“Would you do me a favor first?” Ziggy asked.
“Of course I will, Nip! I’m not having my own crisis or anything, so let me just put my course of destruction on hold and do your bidding.”
“Your sarcasm is appreciated but unnecessary. Run back into the bedroom and see if my wallet is in there. I just got pulled over and I’m gonna have to show it to him.”
“Oh, shit!”
“Can you run and look really quickly, babe?”
I sprinted down the hallway toward the back of the house and stopped in front of the dresser where Ziggy usually left his wallet, watch, and whatever else he had in his pockets. When I found the top completely clear, I said, “It’s not here. Let me look behind it in case . . .”
There was a scuffling noise before Ziggy, who was suddenly out of breath, said, “Sorry, Kitten! I found it. It’s all good. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
“What’s the officer’s name?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll let you know what happened when I get there. Gotta go!”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.”
I sucked in a surprised breath and hastily hit the button to end the call.
To myself, and probably loud enough for Robert to hear out on the porch, I yelled, “Where in the hell did that come from?”
◆◆◆
ZIGGY
I looked at the stereo as if it were about to jump out and slap me, but it did nothing except show the call had ended.
“Well, well, well. It looks like the boss’s plan is working out perfectly, although I have to admit I had my doubts with the whole stalker-‘til-she-loves-me plan,” Tino said as he flipped on his blinker and then casually turned the corner just before the traffic light turned yellow.
“When we were at the store the other day, I heard two women gossiping about someone and one of them said something about roses and shit. I’m trying to remember how she phrased it because it fits this situation perfectly. ”
“What do roses have to do with shit?” Jersey asked.
“I don’t know. She said it, not me. I’m just trying to remember it. Ziggy said we should assimilate with the natives, so I’m trying to learn their language.”
“Can we not do this right now, guys? I need to come up with a plan.” I also needed a few minutes of silence to figure out what the fuck just happened and wonder if what I’d done ten seconds before Jewel’s slip of the tongue was going to fuck that up. “I didn’t have time to think this through.”
“We’ve been winging it so far. Why stop now?” Jersey asked sarcastically. Suddenly, he asked, “Did I shut the garage door? Shit! I can’t remember if I . . .”
“Check the cameras,” Tino ordered. “I’ll turn here and circle back so I can drop you off. You can run across the field and come in through the back.”
“That’s at least a fucking mile, and how many . . .” Jersey’s voice trailed off. “Nope! Door is down. We’re good.”
“Whew. We’d have been fucked if the cops got there and saw inside the garage.”
“Once we get to the new property and he gets finished, we might have to figure out how to get that out of the garage to . . . Shit! I have no idea where to take something like that here. We’ve got no resources for this sort of thing!”
I could tell that Jersey and Tino were getting even more worried by the second.
My mind scrambled for a solution, and when I came up with one, I knew without a doubt that it was a gamble, but I had faith it was the right call.
“I might know someone who does. Go to the new house and pull into the garage. I spoke to the contractor an hour ago and they were finished for the day, so we should be alone, but we’ll need to make sure. ”
I picked up my phone, changed the setting so my call wouldn’t come through the speakers, and then dialed the phone number of the woman I’d spoken to yesterday. I hoped she’d be accommodating, but considering how difficult the rest of her family was, I had my doubts.
As soon as she answered, I said, “Mrs. Parker, I hope you don’t mind, but I saved your phone number yesterday afternoon.”
“Of course not, Ziggy, and you can call me Shannon! Is there a problem with dinner? Jewel didn’t give you too much grief about it, did she?”
“She was surprisingly okay with it, actually.”
“I’m glad. So, what can I do for you?”
“Actually, I was wondering if I could speak to your husband.”
There was a long silence before she asked, “Really?” She cleared her throat before saying, “As much as I’d love to help you open the lines of communication, I’m not sure now is a good time for you to talk to him.
He’s been taking the medication Jewel gave him, along with some .
. . home remedies . . . our friends brought him from Colorado, so he’s not exactly up to having a conversation right now. ”
“Hmm. Are you sure I can’t just ask him a question?”
“Sweetheart, he’s sitting on the patio giggling at something, but I can’t figure out what it is. I’m not sure what the drug interactions are going to do to his brain at this point, and I’m worried he’ll be a drooling idiot when it all flushes out of his system.”
“Okay.”
“You sound upset, Ziggy. Is there something I can do for you?”
“I don’t think so. I just needed advice.”
“If you’ll tell me what’s going on, I’ll probably be able to help you or find someone who can.”
“I was hoping to get your husband’s help on a delicate matter that I’d be more comfortable taking care of if I were back home. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”
“A delicate matter?”
“Yes, but it’s fine. I’ll . . .”
“That you’re not sure how to fix here in Texas, but you would be able to fix in New York?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Hmm. Where are you?”
“I’m at my other house. Not the one across from Jewel, but the one I’m having renovated.”
“You’ve got another house?”
“I do. It’s a property north of town that I thought would be the perfect home. I haven’t even shown it to Jewel yet.”
“Good. That’s good. Which property is it?”
“Oh, I’m not sure you’d know it since it’s not in town, but . . .”
“Is it that huge house that’s been up for sale forever and a day? The one with the pond and the gazebo?”
“Actually, it is. How did you know?”
“How did you know that’s the one Jewel has been pining for since the first time we drove past it?”
“I looked at it when we were here for Matteo and Bella’s wedding and couldn’t get it out of my head. It seemed fortuitous when Jewel mentioned it was her dream house.”
“And you bought it.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Wow. You’ve been playing the long game, Ziggy. Good job. Are you there yet?”
“We’re driving up now.”
“Is there a code at the gate?”
“Yes.”
“Give me the code, and I’ll send someone out there to answer any questions you might have.”
“But you don’t even know what I need to ask.”
“My children aren’t the only ones in the family who can pick up things quickly, and I’ve been with Grunt long enough to know what that slight hesitation in your voice means. No worries. I’ll send someone who will be just as tight-lipped as Grunt would be.”
I was stunned, but somehow knew that Shannon would take care of it and that I could trust her. Considering she was married to a lunatic and so was her best friend, I had a feeling she’d seen some shit in her life and learned from it.
I gave her the gate code without hesitation, and she ended the call with, “Don’t do anything permanent until the guys get there and can give you some pointers, okay?”
“I won’t,” I assured her, wondering exactly what sort of pointers she thought Grunt’s friends could give me.
“I’ll hold a plate for you if business makes you late, okay?”
“Thank you?” I said, more as a question than a statement at this point.
What in the hell sort of family was I planning to join? Obviously, one that was a lot like my own. If I were lucky, I’d become one of them sooner rather than later.