21. #2
“She started that whole meditation thing when we were young and wild. I think she did it so she could have ten minutes of peace every morning.”
“Really?” When I nodded, Petra gasped. “She’s diabolical.”
“She’s a genius. I used the same trick on all three of mine, and we’re all better for it. Only a mother can appreciate that kind of silence every day.”
“Silence is silence.”
“Not when you have kids. Unless you’re absolutely positive they’re sleeping, even ten seconds of quiet means something horrible is happening, and you have mere seconds to stop it before permanent damage is done–either to your house or your kid.”
“Is that why Mom used to come sliding into the room with a panicked look on her face when we were just sitting there talking?”
“You have to admit we were usually plotting when we were quiet. Any other time, conversations were loud and crazy, peppered with insults and threats, at top volume while we spoke over each other all at once.”
“You have a point. I think we still do that.”
“Why change a good thing? It’s worked so far. Besides, I wouldn’t know how to react if Terran suddenly started hugging me and professing his undying love, or if Spruce said something complimentary.” Petra and I shuddered at the thought. “Just imagining either scenario is horrifying,” I added.
“When are you going to take the leash off the people in our family so they can get rid of Robert?”
“You’re like a dog with a bone.”
“Speaking of dogs, where’s the hellspawn?”
“She’s sitting in her window seat with her new favorite blankie, watching Ziggy’s house and waiting impatiently for him to come home.”
“Even your dog’s got it bad,” Petra muttered. She suddenly sat up, put her feet on the floor, and started picking up the mess she’d scattered. “Are you seriously, without a doubt, ready-to-jump-into-shark-infested-waters-to-save-him in love?”
“Thankfully, we don’t have any sharks in Rojo, other than you and your coworkers, so I’m safe from that scenario. However, I’d swim in the lake with no goggles or water shoes to rescue Ziggy.”
“Whoa. That’s true love.”
“Do you know how many biological anomalies can be found in lake water? And imagine the toxins from the chemicals that . . .”
“Blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard it all before.”
“Ziggy told me he loved me before he hung up.”
“I know. I saw how pale you got before you went searching for your luggage to get ready to pack up and run away.”
“I did not! I was looking for my . . . fuck you!”
“I’ve been looking for my spare fucks, but can’t find them anywhere.” Petra reached into her pocket, dug around, then pulled her hand out with her middle finger up. “Found one!”
“You’re moderately amusing when you’re a voice on the phone, but when I have to be in your physical company for any length of time, I seem to forget that the coffee in prison sucks and I won’t be able to take my own pillow.”
With the mess cleaned up, including the bottle she’d knocked onto the floor, Petra stood up and slid her feet into her slides.
“We’ve gotten a lot accomplished during this session, Jewel.
We’ve established that you’re not completely batshit and in love with that slime trail attached to the ass of a garden snail.
You are in love with a mobster who probably still has connections that might come in handy for us at some point.
And you’re going to give me your house when the two of you ride off into the sunset to his mansion in the hills. ”
“First, he doesn’t ride anything but first class.
You remember what happened at the track during Bella’s wedding festivities, don’t you?
” Petra’s answer was a wild giggle, and I smiled before continuing.
“Second, his mansion is the house directly across the street from mine. And third, you’ve lived in Rojo your entire life, so you know damn well there aren’t any hills in our topography. ”
“I was hoping he’d take you somewhere far away,” Petra said sadly. “And the house across the street isn’t a mansion. It’s the same size and layout as this house.”
“Which you obviously covet.”
“I’m not ashamed to admit it. If I could, I’d live in a furniture showroom because every room is perfectly put together.
Anyway, I can’t handle any more conversation with you, because I’m close to ripping my hair out at your inability to express your emotions toward the opposite sex in any way other than insults and blow jobs. ”
“But I give a fantastic blow job.”
“I think I might have walked into the wrong . . . I’ll come back,” Ziggy said from somewhere in the kitchen.
“Wait!” I yelled as Petra jumped back with a scream. She bumped the coffee table, knocking the container of polish bottles onto the carpet, where they scattered in every direction.
Ziggy looked at Petra before turning his smile on me. “I don’t even get a kiss?”
“I’d love to give you a kiss.”
Ziggy put his arms up and held them toward me. “Come give me some lovin’, Kitten.”
“Just a sec,” I said, turning back toward the window.
Ziggy crossed the room in a flash and pulled me into his arms before I was able to see outside.
For a few seconds, the fiery kiss we shared made me forget what I’d been looking for.
When my soul finally returned to my body, I pulled back far enough to ask, “What are you trying to stop me from seeing?”
I tried to twist around, but Ziggy spun me and dipped me over his knee. “You look even more beautiful to me now that I know you feel the same way I do.”
“One of his guards just pulled Robert’s truck out of Ziggy’s garage, and it looks like the other is going to follow in his truck to bring him back.”
“Thanks, Petra,” I said as I smiled up at Ziggy. I turned my head toward her. “Can you give us some time alone to talk? I’ll update you when we get to Mom and Dad’s.”