12
Always being at the top of the class since primary school was one of the things Jasper was used to, aside from being a heartthrob and being popular on campus.
He graduated as valedictorian back in sixth grade and won various prestigious awards from different contests.
He became too complacent because he thought no one could ever beat him, not until Jude came into the picture.
“Only for the first grading,” he told himself after the results of the first quarter in seventh grade came out.
First time in his life that he got second.
Jasper had worked incredibly hard all his academic years, only for Jude to take his place.
He would not allow it to happen. Every night, he made sure to review his notes, listen attentively during lectures, and read books, which he did not normally do.
He had exerted maximum effort to get back to the position that Jude stole from him.
When he found out that his brother was bullying him, he did not do or say anything to his brother to stop the constant harassment.
The other students eventually joined in, influenced by what his brother had started.
While everyone else was distracted by such meaningless matters, he buried himself in studying until his nose bled from exhaustion.
He had goals he desperately wanted to achieve, and one of those was to graduate with recognition for being the batch valedictorian in senior high school and get that full scholarship that the school offered—a privilege awarded to the top student, granting them the opportunity to pursue any course they desired at the university of their choice.
He refused to let such an opportunity slip away, so as long as he still could, he would never stop pushing himself harder.
Their dad passed away five years ago. Their mother had cancer and was far away from them, and he needed to finish college so he could land a better job and help his family. He could not rely on his brother all the time. He had done a lot for him already, and he deserved to think for himself.
Jasper was too blinded by competition, and seeing Jude getting bullied in school made him feel secure.
It would be a way for him to get distracted and eventually withdraw from school.
However, despite his massive efforts in school, it was still not enough.
Despite the bullying, Jude seemed unaffected.
He was too innocent, fragile, and clever.
Jasper could not beat him. He was so intelligent that he just slept in class, and he effortlessly got outstanding grades.
Even if he came to school with busted lips and swollen black eyes, it did not hinder him from attending class.
Often, teachers took his habit into account because, even if he did not listen to the discussions, he always got a perfect score or the highest mark amongst them.
Jasper did not give up.
The competition, which he only did and knew about, lasted until this last semester.
Despite the efforts that he had invested, he always ended up being Jude’s shadow.
He always ended up only being the second, and it made him feel frustrated.
It made him feel even more frustrated when Jude did not even care about placements.
That was Jude Finn for the past five years, and as much as he wanted to deny it, he could not bring himself to hate Jude Finn.
In fact, he admired him. He was extraordinary, one of a kind.
He should have just given up the moment he placed the top one back in seventh grade.
He realized it was time to put an end to his secret rivalry with Jude.
He should put the bitterness behind him and begin fostering a positive atmosphere, as only a few months remained before their senior high school graduation.
Jasper often felt guilty, and he hoped it was never too late to start a relationship, such as a genuine friendship with Jude.
“A-hhmm, thanks for today, Jasper,” Jude interrupted Jasper from his thoughts.
Jasper was in deep contemplation and did not realize they had already arrived at his house. Thanks to his driving skills, they did not get hit or lose control despite being lost.
“Thanks to you, too. I had a lot of fun today,” Jasper admitted.
Jasper acknowledged to himself that he had a lot of fun today, too.
It had been quite a while since he had so much fun with someone.
It was maybe due to being so competitive, not socially active, and always shutting people out of his way over the years.
He had become so blinded by the goals he set for himself that he forgot how to enjoy life simply.
Even he and his brother had never really gone out and done something like this together.
Spending time with Jude today made him realize that life was not only about chasing achievements; you also had to live it.
And somehow, he had only come to understand that recently.
Jude helped him to feel that way, and he should thank him for that.
“This day is one of the best days of my life, Jasper, and thank you for hanging out with me,” Jude confessed.
He lowered his face to hide his burnt cheeks.
“A-hh, see you tom—”
“Can we talk for a bit?” Jasper cut him off.
Jude paused and looked him straight in the eyes.
“Maybe, outside?”
“Of course,” Jude replied, a shy smile crossing his lips.
Jude did not wait for Jasper to open the door for him, because Jasper went directly to the back of the car and picked up little Jas.
When they were outside, Jasper gently wrapped little Jas around Jude’s back, with the hands of the human-sized teddy bear wrapping around his neck, making it look like he was giving him a piggyback ride while also shielding him from the cold breeze.
Jude’s heart was thumping loudly at Jasper’s gesture.
He could feel the goosebumps immediately creeping over his skin.
A moment of silence settled between them, with only the faint chirping of crickets echoing softly through the night air.
“Jude…” Jasper started, breaking the growing awkward silence. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but I apologize for my brother’s activities in school. Sorry for the things he has done to you.” he mentally slapped himself.
Jasper did not know if it was okay to say that because he might get offended by it, but he just felt like he needed to say it.
“You don’t really have to apologize for him, Jasper. It’s okay,” replied Jude.
A hint of humiliation was painted on his face, and Jasper wanted to retract his words.
“Look, Jude. You don’t deserve all of the bad treatment you get from school. You deserve better,” Jasper continued.
Jude looked at him with a faint smile, but he could see sadness and a little disappointment in his eyes.
“Thank you for your concern, Jasper, and I really appreciate it. I do. But we can’t stop people just because we desperately want to,” he said, his gray eyes looking up directly at Jasper’s golden ones.
“You are the kindest person I know in school, and I know you have been trying to admonish the bullies in school and step up for me, but I want you not to get involved with my own problems. That’s one thing I only asked from you.
” Jude said seriously. “You know, it’s okay.
You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.
I somehow got used to it already. It’s been a long time since I got used to it,” Jude said, words flooding from his mouth.
Jude looked at Jasper intently, without a trace of holding back, and gave him a reassuring smile.
Jasper felt sad and guilty.
“Sorry,” Jasper apologized, feeling dumb for saying such things and for being insensitive.
“It’s okay,” he said and gave Jasper a slight nudge on his shoulder.
They looked at each other, and Jasper offered him a half-smile. He was grateful that Jude had become more comfortable around him.
“I have another thing to tell you,” Jasper said, his hands becoming sweaty.
Jasper was scared to know how Jude would react if he told him this.
“What is it?” Jude asked, curiosity drawn on his face.
“Can you promise me that we will remain whatever we have if I say this?” Jasper proposed.
Jude paused and blinked twice.
“A-hh yeah, of course…I promise,” he said, slightly nervous all of a sudden. “What is it, Jasper?”
“Ahm,” Jasper started and stared at him. “I know that you’ve liked me for many years now, Jude. I have always known since the start of high school…”
Jasper could see the slight reluctance of Jude to look at him, but he fought to connect their eyes. Although the only light that illuminated the place was through the radiance of the full moon and the light from the porch a meter away, he could still vividly see his face.
“I know you like me, and I do admire you as well…”
Jasper did not fail to notice the way Jude’s pupils dilated, his nostrils flared slightly, and his cheeks flushed red. Jude was clearly stunned.
“I admire how intelligent you are. I admire how innocent and optimistic you are as a person. I admire you because you’re the only person that I couldn’t beat academically.
People know that.” Jasper cackled a bit softly.
“I admire you for being humble all the time. I admire your fighting spirit even if the world is against you. I admire your personality and who you are, Jude, but…”
Jasper gulped, and he could feel his tension boiling up. He could feel his muscles constricting, too. His breathing caught in his lungs, too.
“But…I’m a bottom, Jude. A pure bottom. We both are,” Jasper finally admitted.
Jude was completely speechless. He was about to faint.
His clear grey eyes, which were rare, were now mixed with emotions, but he could see the sadness in depth, and that bothered Jasper.
However, there was no hiding it. For him to get closer to Jude, he should admit his sexuality.
He should know. He should no longer raise his hopes high.
There was no way a bottom and a bottom would be together.
Jasper thought, I might sometimes masturbate, but there’s no way I can be a top.