20
Jude kept himself occupied as he walked home through the dusk, every step sending pain coursing through his body.
He was already running low on allowance, and taking a taxi or booking an Uber would cost too much.
The bus stop was still far from the highway terminal, and he needed to save whatever little money he had left for the rest of the month.
For the next few weeks, he would have to depend on the school bus as his main means of transportation, something he often took advantage of anyway.
The night was not even that late yet. In fact, it was only a quarter to nine. Jude still had not finished his research requirements due this week because Sky shooed him away. After all, everyone knew he was not exactly a gentleman.
Jude lowered his gaze to the bandages wrapped around his arms, bringing him to a pit of realization that Sky somehow had that kind of gesture hidden throughout the years.
Up until now, it was all surreal and absurd what Sky had done—saving him from those bullies in the parking lot, letting him go to his house, letting him borrow his laptop, letting him wear his shirt, and even treating his wounds.
It happened in one night, and none of it felt believable.
But again, no matter how badly he wanted to see the goodness in him, it still could not erase the wounds he had carved into his heart over the years.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Jude brushed his hands over his biceps as the cold breeze touched his bare skin.
He was no longer in his long sleeves, which were already stained with blood and dirt.
Instead, he was wearing the oversized black shirt Sky had given him.
He planned to throw it away once he got home.
A sense of relief washed over him the moment his house finally came into view. The walk had been long and exhausting, but he tried to see it positively, treating it as a form of exercise instead.
Jude could not wait to lie down on his bed.
It was old and far from luxurious, unlike Mitch’s, but he loved the sense of comfort it gave him.
His bed had been his comfort and haven all his life.
A part of him also longed for that substance he kept hidden in his small drawer, alongside his medications.
Jude wanted to forget this night, this entire day, in general, really. Too many things had happened, leaving him drained and hurting, and all he wanted was an escape. Just for one night, he wanted to lose himself far away from reality again.
Jude could not think of any other option except giving in to the temptation of using the drugs he had hidden away, something he realized he had been relying on constantly these past few months. His dependence on them had started to feel like therapy to him, even if he knew it really was not.
The neighborhood was quiet and peaceful, wrapped in a calm serenity. Only the occasional chirping of crickets and croaking of frogs echoed through the area, though Jude could hardly tell whether they were nearby or somewhere far off.
Tiny pebbles crunched softly against his black school shoes as he trotted, curiosity rising within him when he noticed their house glowing brightly with lights from inside. The moment he stepped onto the short staircase leading to the entrance, familiar voices drifted into his ears.
They belonged to his parents and Mitch.
That was when he remembered that it was Monday. Which also meant his parents had finally returned from their trip. Unsure of what he felt, he stopped in his tracks and listened to their lively chatter wafting through the air. They sounded happy, warmly catching up with one another.
“Mom, I seriously have so many things to tell you! I’m really excited to share everything with you.” Mitch said enthusiastically, her voice filled with excitement. “Can you sleep in my room tonight?”
“Your mom’s still tired from traveling, sweetheart. Why don’t—” Francisco started, only to be interrupted by Elvie.
“Honey, it’s okay,” Elvie assured him gently before turning to Mitch with a smile. “I don’t mind at all, sweetheart. I missed you so much, too. Maybe we can have a girls’ night in your room tonight.”
They had always been really close.
“That’s great, Mom! I seriously have so many things to tell you about.”
From the clinking of cutlery, Jude could tell they were having dinner.
Carefully, he placed his black shoulder bag on the floor, which contained Sky’s laptop along with a few random school supplies.
He slumped against the wall, his body slowly giving in to exhaustion as he slid onto the wooden floor beside the shut front door.
His eyes wandered until they settled on the lamppost across the road, its flickering light the only thing breaking the stillness of the night.
Jude should have felt happy that his parents were finally home. But why didn’t I feel any of that at all?
Normally, he would feel joyful whenever his parents came home from their trips, even if they never seemed as excited to see him.
But today was different. He felt gloomy, exhausted, and completely drained.
Every part of his body ached while his emotions weighed heavily on him after everything that had happened throughout the day—every painful moment in between.
Jude could already feel a fever creeping up on him.
For the past few minutes, he silently listened to their endless yet cheerful conversation. He lay there, listening.
“By the way, where’s Jude?” Francisco suddenly asked, immediately catching Jude’s attention.
Jude dropped to his knees and listened carefully to their conversation, pressing his right ear against the wall.
“I don’t know, Dad,” Mitch answered. “You know what, Mom, Dad? While you were away on your trip, that faggot kept coming home really late. Like, extremely late. Sometimes he didn’t even go to school.
I have no idea what he’s been doing, but my friends saw him at a gay bar three nights in a row.
Honestly, I think he’s there right now. Ugh!
That faggot is unbelievable. He’s such a shame to me in school,” Mitch lied shamelessly.
“Wait, what?! Are you serious, sweetheart?” Elvie asked, her voice rising.
“Mom, why would I lie to you?” Mitch replied quickly.
“And you know what else? He even threw a party here last Friday night while you were gone. The house was a complete mess, and one of your vases was even broken. He just replaced it with an identical one. Look, Mom—I even have pictures of him at the party. He was acting so wild and disgusting,” Mitch continued, piling lie after lie.
Anger instantly surged through Jude. He could not believe Mitch was ruining his image in front of their parents behind his back. He wanted to storm inside and tell them that Mitch was lying, but his feet felt rooted to the floor.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this. Look at him, honey,” Elvie reacted hysterically, her voice making Jude’s chest tighten in fear. “He’s already been such a burden in our lives all these years, and now this is only what he does to us? He’s an embarrassment to this family.”
Tears quickly welled up in his eyes as his heart shattered.
Why would Mitch say such lies?
Deeply hurt and terrified, Jude pressed a hand against his chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt and pinching his skin beneath it in a desperate attempt to alleviate the pain inside.
So I’m just a burden to this family?
Why am I even questioning it?
It’s true. I am a burden, he thought.
What Elvie had said struck him like a heavy blow straight to his chest, hitting his heart until it became hard for him to breathe. What hurt even more was how easily they believed Mitch.
Tears began to spill from his eyes as he quickly covered his mouth, trying to silence the whimper threatening to escape.
“Damn that faggot. He’s nothing but a plague and a disgrace to this family. I regret that we ever adopted him,” Francisco blurted out, shattering whatever was left in Jude.
Jude could no longer make sense of their conversation as his entire sense of holistic well-being began to slip away. His body went numb as he floundered to stay conscious, fighting the urge to collapse.
After everything that had happened today, only one thought surfaced in his mind.
He wants to be gone.
Die.