Chapter 6 #3
The fabric of my tunic started to heat, and I yanked my hand away from my body before I destroyed the cloth and found myself naked.
“Maeve?” Talia said. “Are you—”
“One second,” I choked out. Squeezing my eyes shut, I concentrated on my hand and the force running through me.
Tracing it back up my arm, I searched for the source.
There. In my chest. It poured out of something that looked like a gaping hole in my mind.
I imagined smothering it like a fire, gathering a mental blanket and covering it.
Snuffing it out. Sweat dripped down my forehead at the effort it took.
It didn’t want to stop, but I refused to let it win. I wouldn’t hurt anyone else.
With a final surge of determination, I managed to shut it off and the light in my hand winked out. I let out a shaky breath as I flexed my hand, the ash caked into my skin.
“Maeve,” Talia said. “You must complete the—”
“I can’t do this.” I held my hand awkwardly at my side, palm faced inward to hide the evidence of what I’d done. Then I turned around.
Death’s gaze was fixed on me, as if trying to read me. I avoided meeting her eyes, not wanting her to see into my soul, to see what had happened.
Talia and the others looked shocked, like no one had ever refused to finish the assessment before.
“I’m sorry. I can’t.” My voice sounded thick, but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of here. I may have stopped my curse from doing any more damage, but it was temporary. I was a danger to everyone in the In Between.
“If you don’t finish the assessment, you’ll forfeit your chance to be a Judge.” Talia stood. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I forfeit.” I couldn’t fight the Devil like this. I couldn’t help. The only thing I could do was keep myself away from as many people as possible, so no one got hurt.
All eyes turned to Death. I still avoided looking at her. Instead, I fixed my eyes on the floor as I fought to keep my expression neutral, my breathing even, while I waited for her judgment.
The silence in the room grew louder as it dragged on.
I could hear my heartbeat. It took everything in me not to fidget.
If they’d seen my hand glowing, they would have said something by now, but if they hadn’t, why was I still standing here?
I couldn’t stop myself from stealing a quick glance at Death, though once I got a look at her face, I wished I hadn’t.
Her eyes were narrowed in suspicion. I felt like a mouse being regarded by a cat considering if it was worth chasing. She might not have seen, but she suspected something, and she didn’t like it. The hair on the back of my neck rose.
“Have Maeve escorted to the servants quarters,” she said finally. “I’ll take her into my personal service.”
I stiffened. Being around Death all the time was the last thing I needed.
I wanted my curse as far away from her as possible.
I didn’t want to find out what she’d do to me if she discovered it.
I had no doubt that, if she thought I was a threat, she’d annihilate me.
“That’s far more generous than I deserve,” I said.
“Nonsense. I’m an excellent judge of character.” She waved her hand and the heart of my soul and the pieces on the scale vanished.
I gasped as I felt them settle back inside me, my body flooding with energy.
“Talia,” Death continued, “Maeve is to report to my rooms tomorrow morning. You will show her what to do. See to it.”
“Yes, my goddess.” Talia bowed her head before crossing to a door to the hallway and opening it. She beckoned me over and passed me off to a Judge standing outside.
I managed to put one foot in front of the other, following them down the empty corridor.
It felt like I was being walked to the gallows.
I’d lived with my curse since I was seven years old, always fearing discovery.
My family and I had lived in terror of me being taken away.
Committed to some mental institution or forced to use my curse to predict people’s deaths for someone in power, like the Order of Shadows.
I’d kept it a secret for seventeen years, but this was different.
My visions hadn’t been that difficult to hide, and I’d learned to avoid transferring and amplifying death by removing myself from the trigger. If I couldn’t figure out how to control my glowing hands, someone was going to notice. Especially if Death watched me closely.
When we turned in the opposite direction of the dormitories, I ignored the ache in my chest. It was better that I didn’t get to say anything to Bea. What would I even say? She was better off without me. Safer.
I had to bury my hopes of redeeming myself. I’d worried I’d avoided punishment, but the Guardian knew better. There was no escaping it. I couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. This was how I would atone. For the rest of my existence, however long or short that might be.
It’s not a choice. It’s a calling, my mantra taunted me. Being a Judge wasn’t a calling. It had just been a foolish hope.