Chapter 11
If it’s not a curse, what is it? The question followed me everywhere the next day. I thought I knew the answer the Devil was looking for—he wanted me to see it as a gift instead—but I couldn’t. Not when it had taken the people I loved from me. Not when it made me a walking danger to everyone.
I wasn’t naive. Death was an unavoidable part of life.
I’d known my family would die. The very first vision I’d had was of my mother’s death when I was six years old.
I hadn’t seen the part I would play, or known when it would happen.
My curse didn’t show me those pieces. Regardless, it was cruel knowing what was coming for her, or anyone I looked at, and I couldn’t see it any other way.
If shifting how I thought of it was the key to conquering my fear and gaining control, I was in trouble.
At breakfast, Death announced my duties were no longer confined to her rooms and dismissed the woman shadowing me.
I accompanied her on her normal morning rounds—visiting the Well to check on the waiting souls there, stopping by the Nexus to send instructions to a few Orders in the World of the Living, and then the greenhouses.
Midday, she gave me a few messages to deliver to the Devil’s castle.
As I crossed the bridge, I wondered if I would see him while I was there.
None of the messages were addressed to him, but we might cross paths.
Something fluttered in my stomach that felt a lot like anticipation.
Gods, what was wrong with me? I’d shown him the darkest parts of me; I should be cringing at the idea of seeing him again, or angry with him for trapping me in a situation that required that kind of intimacy, not wanting to see him again.
Yet I found myself reaching for the thread that connected us, searching for a sign of him. It was dormant. I couldn’t sense anything. Shaking off my disappointment, I focused on the papers in my hand.
I delivered the messages as quickly as I could, resisting the temptation to look for him in every hallway and room I passed. I didn’t see or feel him once, though I did see Bea with a group of trainees in the Dungeon. Remembering what had happened last time I encountered her, I avoided her gaze.
About halfway back across the bridge, a piercing headache struck, making me gasp. I squeezed my eyes shut against the sharp pounding at my temples. It was so strong, I blindly reached for the wall to keep myself upright.
Behind me, footsteps approached. People walking back to Death’s castle.
I winced against the sound as they neared and then started to pass me.
It sounded like a horde was descending. Bursts of light spotted the darkness behind my eyes and the pressure in my head increased until it felt like it might split open.
“Are you okay?” Bea’s voice sounded distant, but I felt her hand on my arm.
The floor creaked under my feet as I let out a groan. Of course it would be her to find me like this, even if a part of me sagged in relief.
“Where does it hurt?” Bea’s hands ran up over my shoulders, up my neck to my head. “Here?” She caressed my temples.
“Yes.” I hissed.
“When did your headache start?”
The sound of cracking stone made us both jump. My eyes flew open.
“What—?”
I followed Bea’s gaze to the ceiling above us. Another crack sounded and this time I saw it—the pop of dust as a fissure formed in the stone above our heads.
“That’s not—” Before I could finish my thought, the entire bridge started to shake, hard enough to knock us off balance.
Bea pitched into me and I grabbed her shoulder, bracing against the wall to keep us from falling.
A crack sounded right behind me. I staggered away as a fissure opened in the wall where I’d been leaning. Within a couple of heartbeats it had spread, spidering down and onto the floor underneath our feet.
The bridge was coming apart.
“We need to get out of here,” Bea said. “Can you walk?”
I staggered forward a couple of steps before the pain in my head made me double over.
Bea grabbed my arm to sling it over her shoulder, but I jerked back.
“I can make it on my own. Run.” I leaned on my knees, panting, needing a second.
“Don’t be stupid.” Grabbing my arm again, she hauled me up and forward, surprisingly strong for someone so small.
I didn’t have it in me to argue with her, so I focused on putting one foot in front of the other, letting her steer us out of harm’s way.
Trainees stumbled past us as we made for Death’s castle, dodging more fissures that appeared beneath our feet, and falling bits of plaster and stone.
To our left, the distinct tinkle of cracking glass sounded.
I sucked in a breath, hoping it wouldn’t shatter, that we wouldn’t be engulfed in the essence of the In Between.
The crack spidered outward, but the window held.
My head throbbed with every break, until it felt like it was me that was breaking, splintering into hundreds of pieces. I forced myself to move faster, gritting my teeth against the pain.
Just before we crossed the threshold, an explosion sounded behind us, and someone cried out. Bea and I glanced back. A piece of the ceiling had fallen on a trainee, knocking him forward. The large chunk of plaster and stone pinned his legs so he couldn’t move.
He moaned and tried to pull himself out as four other people scrambled for him. They managed to heave the ceiling piece off of him and get him through the castle entrance.
Bea’s grip on me tightened as we limped on. My legs buckled, and we stumbled to a bench out of range of falling stone.
A familiar tug in my chest made me look up. I squinted, looking across the bridge, already knowing what I’d see.
The Devil stood at the entrance of his castle, shadows swirling around his hands, his gaze on something behind me.
A moment later Death strode past us, her hands glowing. Heat surged down my arms, and my fingers tingled as if in answer.
Fuck. Not here.
I shoved my hands in my armpits to hide them and hunched forward. They weren’t lit up yet, but it was only a matter of time.
Bea produced a cloth from somewhere, and dabbed sweat from my forehead. I winced and pulled away.
“Sorry,” she murmured.
“It’s okay.” I forced the words through my teeth. “Just don’t touch me. It makes it worse.”
She settled at my side, her hands twitching in her lap.
I turned, angling myself away from her, leaning against the wall. My head was pounding, the pain sharpening by the minute. All I wanted was to curl up into a small ball, to collapse in on myself, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the two gods at either end of the bridge.
Death looked as regal and elegant as ever, not a hair out of place. She glared across the bridge at the Devil.
He raised one eyebrow in a silent question.
Death nodded.
In unison, they raised their arms at their sides, palms facing each other.
I felt their power rise, like static in the air, until they released it like a bolt of lightning. Tendrils of light and shadow burst from their hands and raced across the bridge.
My hands heated in response. Don’t burn my clothes. The thought raced through my mind, and I felt a subtle shift in the light streaming through me. My hands cooled, going from hot to warm. I swallowed, resisting the urge to examine them. Was control really that simple? Why had it kicked in now?
Light and shadow met in the middle of the bridge, and my train of thought stuttered to a halt.
There was no explosion, but I felt it like a jolt through my entire system.
They melded together into something dark and shimmering that spread out, covering everything.
It sank into every crack and fissure, knitting stone, wood and glass back together.
The pain in my head faded, and the light running through me sang in response.
I felt it resonate with contentment and longing, as if it were a separate entity.
It raced through me, begging to be set free, to join what was happening on the bridge.
I fisted my hands in my armpits to keep them from reaching out.
This is what it’s for. I flinched, startled by the thought, and immediately rejected it. It didn’t make any sense. I might be able to reduce things to ash, but I couldn’t heal anything. Whatever this was, it wasn’t anything like what Death wielded.
What if it is? What if I can heal things? I shook my head, as if I could dislodge the voice in my head. As if it weren’t mine. I was a human soul. Only gods could do things like heal or create. Or bring fears to life. And there were only two gods in the In Between. Two gods to balance the scales.
Scales that were already out of balance because of the Devil’s power.
Panic clawed at my throat. Is that why the bridge had cracked and nearly broken?
I shuddered to think what would have happened if it hadn’t been stopped.
Would the In Between have come apart? Why now?
Had some event caused it, or had we reached a sort of tipping point where things were starting to fall apart?
Dread pressed in on me. We had been taught to believe everything was connected. After all, past lives influenced future ones. I wanted to think it a coincidence that this had happened shortly after I arrived with my curse, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was the trigger.
I was unraveling. My thoughts spinning out of control. Speculating would get me nowhere. I needed answers. And right now, I needed to pull myself together, so my curse wasn’t discovered.
The shaking subsided as Death and Devil let their hands fall to their sides, their power fading until light and shadow winked out, leaving the bridge whole again, as if no damage had ever occurred.
My shoulders sagged as I felt the light inside me extinguish. The pain in my head was gone. Something tugged at my awareness. I looked across the bridge to find the Devil watching me. Assessing. I felt a trace of satisfaction trickle through our connection.
“If it’s not a curse, what is it?”
“Now you’re asking the right questions.”