Chapter 10 #2
I turned my attention back to the vision, watching the younger version of myself clench her hands at her sides.
“You weren’t faking it when you were inside me, or every time you came back for more.” Her words were sharp, her tone tart. “You were quite eager.”
He shrugged and took a swig from his flask. “I had to find something to keep me going for as long as it took. There’s nothing wrong with your cunt, Maeve, but that’s all you were. A willing amusement to help pass the time.”
“You bastard.” She pulled her arm back to punch him, but he grabbed his chest with a gasping groan. She doubled over, too, a mirror image of him.
I clenched my jaw, remembering how my heart had seized, the pain rippling through me, stealing my breath.
“Maeve,” Colt shouted, or tried to. It came out strangled. “What have you done to me?”
A man poked his head out of the office door, shouting at the sight of them hunched over in pain. He called back into the office for help and then ran toward them.
“I’m not doing anything,” younger Maeve said, gasping for breath.
Colt fell to his knees, arms flailing until the man came to help him.
Another man ran from the office to the house, calling for help.
I shuddered, knowing what happened next.
“Maeve.” There was desperation in the Devil’s voice, and the tug in my chest grew more insistent.
“No.” I tightened my mental grip on the vision, even as I trembled.
“You’re killing me,” Colt said through gritted teeth.
Younger Maeve fell to her knees, still clutching her chest. “I’m not.”
“Maeve.”
Tears sprang to my eyes at the sound of my mother’s voice. I had started to forget what it sounded like. My eyes locked onto her form, sprinting across the grass. I desperately traced the lines of her face before doing the same with my father and brother who were only a few steps behind.
Younger Maeve convulsed on the ground, gasping for breath. Her face contorted, and she let out a howl.
Something rippled out from her chest, an invisible wave that flattened the grass as it raced forward, only stopping when it collided with the three people racing from the house. They fell forward, sprawling on the ground.
My throat tightened and my vision blurred.
The male workers ran to help their master.
Colt stopped struggling, confusion written on his face. He patted his chest as if he was missing something.
Younger Maeve stared at her family, her expression devastated as the realization of what had happened dawned on her.
“What did you do?” Colt asked, with wide eyes.
The tug in my chest turned into a violent yank. I lost my grip on the vision, and it broke apart as the light in my hands died. We were plunged back into darkness, the balls of light overhead dim in comparison to the vision. The sudden silence was deafening.
I sucked in a shaky breath to keep the sob building in my chest from escaping.
My throat felt like it was full of glass, and I wrapped my arms around myself, as if I could hold the broken, shredded pieces of myself together.
I knew this feeling intimately. It wasn’t usually this intense, but it was always the same, every time I relived this memory.
Bowing my head, I gave it free rein. I deserved it. For what I’d done.
“Maeve?” The Devil said, his voice soft. “Are you okay?” When I looked at him, he was back to normal, his eyes their usual warm brown.
“You’re not mad that I didn’t stop, like you told me to?”
“I’m furious, but that’s not important right now. Are you okay?”
I huffed a laugh. “I’ll be fine.” My voice was tight.
“That’s not what I asked.”
Silence stretched between us long enough that I raised my head to look at him.
There was a soft understanding in his eyes that made it easier to breathe.
Most people who knew what had happened to me couldn’t deal with it.
They needed to do something for me, or for me to do something about how I felt to make them comfortable.
I could tell by the way the Devil was looking at me that he knew I wasn’t okay and he wasn’t bothered by it.
I got the sense that I could be not okay as long as I needed, and he would keep me company.
His empathy was so seductive. It would be so easy to assume this was the real him, and to let my guard down. I needed to remember that even if this were real, it was just one side of him. To take from this what I needed, so I could break his hold over me.
“It’s not the first time I’ve relived the memory of my family’s death.” I cleared my throat. “It never gets any easier.”
“Is that what we saw?”
I nodded, pressing my lips together.
He watched me carefully but didn’t press.
“Is this the part where I tell you about it?” I asked.
“If you want to, but you don’t have to, Maeve. We can end our lesson now, if that’s what you’d prefer.”
I hadn’t told anyone what had happened, but the words were there, bottled up and waiting for me to let them out.
I’d hoarded them, not wanting to share my family’s last moments with anyone, or waste them on people who wouldn’t understand or appreciate how precious they were, but I needed to let them out if they could help keep me safe.
“Colt was my first love. I’d grown up sheltered because of my curse so I didn’t have experience with boys.
Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have fallen for Colt’s lies.
He made me believe he wanted to marry me, but all he wanted was my father’s merchant ring.
The morning my father realized it had been stolen, I knew Colt had taken it.
My father kept it in the safe in his office.
The only people who had access to it were his workers, and all of them had been with him for decades. Except for Colt.
“I confronted him. Well… you saw how that went.” My face heated.
“Then he had a heart attack. I know because I felt it. Part of my curse. I didn’t just see visions of how people died.
If I was near someone who was dying, I felt it as if it was happening to me.
I felt Colt’s heart seize because mine did too. ”
I swallowed thickly, gathering the courage to voice the next part.
“I usually kept myself on a tight leash, never letting on what I saw, or felt, but I was so angry at Colt for his betrayal. When I felt him dying, all I wanted to do was shove the sensations down his throat. So, I pushed what I was feeling away. I thought I had pushed it back towards him, but instead…” I took a gulping breath.
“Instead, I amplified it and pushed it into my family. I somehow managed to transfer Colt’s death to them. ”
A wave of dizziness hit me. I reached out to steady myself, and a warm hand engulfed mine. The shock of it made me look up.
“I’ve got you.” The Devil stood a step away. Close enough to catch me if I needed it, but not close enough to smother me. Like he knew that I needed space.
Of course he did. He could feel what I was feeling.
The realization cleared my head. I straightened, and he let my hand fall from his.
“I was arrested for their murder. They said I’d poisoned them using something they found in my room.
I had no idea what they were talking about, but I didn’t say anything because it would have meant revealing my curse.
And I was guilty, even if it wasn’t in the way they said.
I was given a choice, life in prison or a life with the Order of Death.
I chose the Order. And then I came here, hoping to atone for what I’d done.
“So that’s what happened. That’s what is at the center of my fear—the fact that I killed my family.” I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. “Now what?”
The Devil stared at me for a moment with that intense look I hated, because I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “We’re done for the night.”
“What? Wait. No.”
“You’ve uncovered something big, Maeve. We’ll delve into it next time.” He reached up. One of the balls of light flew into his palm and extinguished, the room dimming.
“How?”
He reached for another light, but I grabbed his hand.
“Stop. Tell me how we’ll delve into it.”
He gave me a searching look. “Are you always like this? Needing to know everything that’s going to happen before it does?”
I dropped his hand and stepped back. “I like to be prepared.”
“Is that why you pushed to the center of your fear instead of waiting like I told you to?” His eyes narrowed.
“Yes.”
“Hmmm.” He bit his lip while he considered my answer.
The movement momentarily distracted me, my eyes following the motion. He had such full lips. It was no wonder he was such a good kisser.
His mouth stopped moving, and my eyes flicked up to his to find him watching me, a smirk on his handsome face. Like he knew what I was thinking about.
“So tell me what happens next.” I crossed my arms, ignoring the way my face heated.
“Ask me nicely.” He mirrored my stance.
I rolled my eyes. “Will you please tell me what happens next?”
“Better. I’ll help you work through what we saw.”
“Do you think I haven’t tried? I’ve already faced it. I face it every day, every time I remember what happens. I don’t flinch from it.”
“Bludgeoning yourself with it is not the same thing as facing it. You have to work through it so you can let it go.”
I threw up my hands. “How am I supposed to let go of it when I have to live with the thing that caused it? I’m cursed. If I wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here.” I felt like I was in a vicious loop of reasoning I couldn’t escape.
“How do you know you’re cursed?”
“Are you serious? Visions of how people die. Taking death from one person and giving it to others. Glowing hands that destroy. If it’s not a curse, what is it?”
He nodded, a satisfied expression on his face. “Now you’re asking the right question.”