Chapter 12 #3
“Control can be learned. So can the rest of what it means to be Death. You have time.”
“What happened to the bridge today says otherwise.” Maybe if I had more time to come to terms with the idea it wouldn’t seem so overwhelming, but the In Between was too strained.
“Replacing Death won’t happen overnight.” His voice floated closer. “And I won’t lie to you. It won’t be easy. You’ll have to challenge Death to remove her.”
“Like combat?” My eyebrows rose.
“In the end, yes.” He made it sound like the challenge was more than just one thing.
“I don’t know—”
“You don’t have to start the challenge now. All we need to do is keep the In Between from collapsing.”
“How do we do that?”
“We establish a Death Chord between us.” He was only a step or two behind me now, close enough for me to feel his heat at my back. “That will give the In Between an anchor other than the bridge.”
I shivered. “Aren’t we already bonded? What about our deal?” I didn’t mention the hook to the chest I’d felt before I woke up in the In Between, though I was sure it was related.
“A Death Chord is something you have to agree to. It’s a permanent bond based on trust. Our current connection is not. It’s only a shadow of what a Death Chord is.”
“How would it be different?” I asked.
“A Death Chord would allow us to not only feel what the other is feeling but also to share power, which will help you gain control.” There was an intensity to his voice that made me turn around. “It would replace our deal.”
The prospect of no longer having to keep an open mind about whatever he said should have been enticing. It wasn’t. I didn’t see how bonding would lead to controlling my powers, but that wasn’t what worried me most. “What if I don’t want to become Death? What if I can’t?”
“I don’t know.”
His admission shocked me. I thought for sure he’d assure me that I would and could.
“I do know that without a Death Chord, the In Between is in danger of collapsing,” he said. “Though exactly how long before it does, I can’t say.”
I forced myself to take a breath. “What if I establish a Death Chord with you and then decide I don’t want to challenge Death?” I bit my lip.
His gaze zeroed in on the movement, staring until he seemed to force himself to look elsewhere.
“I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s ever happened.
” His eyes met mine. “I will do everything in my power to prepare you, and to try to convince you to take that step, but the final choice will be yours.”
“If I don’t establish the Death Chord with you and stabilize the In Between, things will go to shit.”
“Basically.”
“And if I establish the Death Chord with you, I still get to choose whether or not I want to take Death’s place. If I want to challenge her.”
“Yes.” His breath tickled my nose, and I realized I was leaning towards him. Drawn in, like a lodestone.
I fell back a couple of steps to lessen the pull.
It wasn’t much of a choice. If I was selfish and said no, I damned the realms and everyone in them. I hated it, but that didn’t change anything. The only thing I could hope for was that with time I’d feel differently about taking Death’s place. My chest tightened, because time wasn’t guaranteed.
“What about Death? If she finds out, she’ll shred my soul. Should I move to your castle?” The idea of being away from Death was appealing, even if it meant being near him.
“We can’t. At least not right now.”
“Because she’d know what I was if I disappeared?”
“No. Well, yes. But I’d rather you were safe than keep Death in the dark about our plans. You need to stay in Death’s castle because the In Between needs you to until the Death Chord is robust enough.”
“But you said establishing the Death Chord would stabilize the In Between.” I frowned.
“A Death Chord bond is not a fixed thing. Once it is established, we will need to build it and strengthen it by learning to trust each other.”
I almost laughed. Of course the Guardian would choose the thing I struggled with most as the thing the fate of the realms rested on.
After Colt, trusting people went against my nature, even when they weren’t as slippery as the Devil.
But I believed he wanted the realms to survive; we had that in common. It was a place to start.
“When our Death Chord is strong enough,” he continued, “where you reside won’t matter. But until then it does.”
“Does it strain things when I’m in your castle? Maybe I shouldn’t be here.” My muscles tensed, and I had the urge to run back to Death’s castle.
“As long as the periods are short, it’s fine.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I can feel the In Between.”
Was that why I’d been struck by a headache on the bridge, right before it started coming apart? The thought was both somehow comforting and horrifying.
“So, are you ready to make a choice?” he asked.
I looked at him, the way his relaxed stance belied the underlying tension. I could tell he was holding himself back, trying not to appear as invested as he was in my answer.
Even if we both wanted the realms to survive, he had his own agenda.
I couldn’t truly know the extent of what he wanted from me.
I had shit judgment when it came to men.
Colt had fooled me so thoroughly, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to fully trust myself when it came to judging the intentions of others.
Still, the In Between needed this. I’d come here to atone for what I’d done, but more than that I’d wanted to do more than just resign myself to whatever path my next life would have taken. I wanted to do something to redeem myself. This was something I could do, and I owed it to everyone to try.
I took a deep breath, preparing to take the plunge. “I’ll establish a Death Chord with you.”