Chapter 37 #3
I searched his face and our bond for any sign he was lying, but I found nothing.
It was what I’d asked him for. I should be happy.
All I felt was uncertainty. There were no guarantees he would follow through, even if he wanted to.
His addiction wasn’t rational. It couldn’t be reasoned with.
If it could, he would have found a way to combat it a long time ago.
And he was more powerful than any of us.
He could construct another wall, and keep more secrets, and there would be nothing I could do to stop him.
He’d lied to me before, and the only thing I could do now was trust that he didn’t want to anymore, and hope for the best. I hated that that was the answer. It felt unfair, but it was the only possible solution. If he relapsed, I’d have to deal with it, and trust that I’d figure out how.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” He stared at me.
“Yes.” I squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile.
His relief was overwhelming. His face lit up, the deep grooves and shadows smoothing out as he smiled back, until I removed my hand from his. “And us? Are we okay?”
It took me a few moments to find the words. “I want us to be, but I’m afraid you’ll lie to me again. I’m not giving up, not even close,” I hastened to add as his face fell. “But it’s going to take some time for me to feel like I can trust you again.”
He nodded, a stricken look on his face. “But you’re staying? To fight.” The vulnerability in his voice brought tears to my eyes.
“Yes. I’m staying.”
Fen let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”
I reached out for his hand again, needing to touch him. Needing to hold onto the hope that things would get better, that we could survive this.
We sat in silence for a few moments, watching Titus’s chest rise and fall, until the door opened.
“Maeve?” Daphne’s voice sounded a split second before I was yanked out of my chair and pulled into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re back.”
“I am,” I managed to wheeze out.
“Let her breathe, Daph.” Marcus’s smile was warm when Daphne stepped back.
“See?” She smacked Fen in the chest. “I told you she’d return.”
“Yes. You did.” He gave her a small smile before going to stand with Marcus on the other side of the bed.
“Any change?” she asked, turning to look at Titus.
“None,” Fen said.
She nodded, stroking Titus’s hand. Then she pulled a chair closer to the bed, plopped down and tugged on my arm until I took the chair next to her. “So, where did you go?”
My gaze fell on the fire. There were no salamanders visible, but I didn’t want this conversation overheard. “Douse the flames first.”
They gave me odd looks, but Fen sent a small stream of shadows to smother the fire.
I waited until only thin wisps of smoke remained.
Then I told them everything, how I’d transformed myself into a salamander and run into the fire network, how I’d met one I recognized who was actually Sasha, and how Death created the salamanders after draining trainees and Judges of their power to create spies.
“That bitch,” Daphne said, her eyes wide. “Does she know about Bea?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe. Though if she does, I don’t understand why she’s left Bea alone.”
“If you know who the spy is in your midst, you can watch them and control what information they have access to,” Marcus said with a meaningful glance at Fen. “We should probably assume Death knows.”
Fen got up and walked to the fireplace, anger and frustration radiating off of him. He’d been so proud of sneaking Bea into Death’s castle, and it all might have been for nothing.
“We should pull her out of there,” Daphne said. “The next time Bea comes for training, she doesn’t go back.”
“Agreed,” Fen said.
“What about the fires?” she continued. “Should we douse them all?”
“A big change like that is not going to go unnoticed,” Marcus said.
I nodded. The salamanders would definitely report something like that back to Death.
“Maybe we should spread the word to everyone,” she said. “Let them know to be careful about what they talk about—”
“No.” Fen turned, his expression one of stone.
“Someone will likely slip up and mention it. If Death realizes we know about her spies, there’s nothing to keep her from hurting ours.
We change nothing outwardly. We watch what we talk about in spaces with a lit fire and find a new room without one to talk about sensitive things. ”
“If Bea moves, Death will suspect something,” I said.
A knock at the door brought our conversation to a halt until the Tempter who entered gave Fen a note and left.
“It won’t matter once Bea is safe,” Marcus said as Fen opened the message.
I watched his expression morph from angry to shocked as his eyes moved over the page. “What is it?”
“Death demands your return.” Fen crumpled the letter in one hand.
“That isn’t new,” Daphne said. “She sends that message every other day.”
Fen closed his eyes as if seeking strength, and I shivered at the dread that seeped into our bond.
“Fen?” Marcus said.
Fen’s eyes met mine. “Death has stopped judging souls.”