20. Gunna
Chapter Twenty
GUNNA
I sat in my car in the hospitals parking lot, going over my thoughts.
Fear ran through my bones and I couldn’t even believe I came up here.
I had to see my boy Stone. We were like brothers, and I desperately needed to clear the air with him.
I just didn’t know if Beast already told him his point of view about it all.
A nigga was fucked up inside and out, I took shit so far when I really didn’t have to.
I knew I fucked up from the very beginning before shit even got this far.
I twisted up a blunt and reflected on my visit in Atlanta with Teflon.
I really went out there to kill him, but I just couldn’t.
I hated Teflon so much, but I loved him at the same damn time.
I was never supposed to be gay; I hated the shit.
I fucked so many bitches trying to get it out of me.
No matter what I did and how many pussies I inserted my dick in, the feeling of Teflon couldn’t be matched.
I craved him like the drugs he was now heavy on.
He didn’t even look the same anymore. Tef was just as stressed as I was behind the whole situation.
The night we had that foursome, I was drunk and off pills.
I didn’t even know the bitch Laquanna recorded all of us doing that shit.
I put the blame on Teflon for so many reasons. The first one was him turning me out the way that he did. I hated myself for never even stopping him.
It was New Year’s Eve and I had a big ass celebration at my house.
Everybody was drunk and passed the fuck out.
Praise and Nia had left the party early along with Stone and the woman he was fucking at the time.
I sat on my California king bed with two bitches naked and sleep from the crazy threesome we all just had.
No way in hell I was about to lay up with them, so I made my way downstairs to smoke a blunt and get a bottle of water to take with my BC Powder medicine to prevent the hangover I knew would come in a couple of hours.
Once I made it to my huge family room, I noticed Teflon on the couch with a blunt already sparked up as he focused hard on his phone.
“Why yo ass ain’t passed out? You ain’t hit none of the stripper bitches I had here on demand, nigga?”
That shit was odd to me. Teflon was a pretty boy ass nigga and hoes flocked to him more than all of us put together.
“I ain’t want none of them hoes.”
The look in his eyes was different. I felt awkward as fuck standing in front of him with nothing but my Polo boxers on.
He eyed me like a bitch would and I still ignored it, taking it as him being faded.
Truth was, I sometimes would catch myself eyeing Teflon in a way I shouldn’t have.
I don’t know why, and I could never explain it.
It just seems like we always had some chemistry between us in my head and I knew it was wrong and weird as fuck.
When we would make drops together, it always would seem as though we were holding back from the other on what we were thinking.
We even fucked a couple of bitches together, tag teamed, he’d be inside her pussy from the top, I would be in her asshole from the bottom.
It wouldn’t be the feeling of my dick inside of her that would get me off, but my dick rubbing up against his and the friction would make me bust alone.
I think deep down we both knew we wanted each other.
We were just too afraid to admit it fearing rejection.
We were street niggas; it went against the code and what we stood for.
I also didn’t know if it was just me that felt that way or both of us.
Everybody has twisted ass thoughts that they kept to themselves in my opinion and me thinking I had some sort of sexual chemistry with Teflon was my twisted ass thoughts.
I always admired Teflon’s swag, the way he dressed and how outspoken he was when it came to certain shit.
The nigga had no chill. I looked at him suspiciously as I opened the pack of BC, I held my head back and dropped the powder in my mouth and chased the nasty shit with water.
Taking a seat on the couch next to Teflon, he passed me the blunt.
We chopped it up about unimportant shit as my eyes started to grow heavy.
I was faded, but I always remained well knowledgeable of my surroundings.
I never got too loaded to the point where I didn’t know what was taking place or going on around me.
I fell asleep and was awaken by a strong hand stroking the fuck out my hard dick.
I slowly opened my eyes, because I knew it wasn’t no bitch.
I wasn’t surprised when it was Teflon on his knees in front of me, giving me the best hand job I had ever had.
He was naked, his body was sculpted perfectly as he stroked his own dick while still stroking mine.
“Yo Tef, what the fuck you doing?” I asked him a stupid ass question out of being nervous, when in reality I should have been stopping his ass. I couldn’t, it felt too fucking good.
“I’m doing what we both want, Gunna. You know you want this, don’t you? Can I taste you?”
I couldn’t even say anything, he didn’t even allow me to answer the question.
His hot mouth engulfed my whole dick and swallowed it.
The feeling was like no other, sinful, wrong on so many levels, but we came this far, and I couldn’t back the fuck down.
It’s what I wanted for a while. I just hated that he acted out on that shit because like a heroin feen, we were forever trying to chase the same high.
It became too hard to stop. Head didn’t feel the same as Teflon’s, a man’s jaws are stronger than a woman’s jaws.
So, the feel of him necking me with superior strength and snatching the nut from my dick that one night led to a long-term secretive relationship that we couldn’t stop for the life of us.
After a while, I would become angry with myself and then Teflon.
He knew I would still fuck bitches, so he continued to fuck them with me.
He would even get other niggas that was secretly down low to come do threesomes with us just to prove that I was truly gay, and I hated him for all of that shit.
That anger would turn into me becoming abusive with him.
It seemed like over the years, he had become more and more feminine which turned me off.
I kept dealing with him because I fell in love with the nigga.
I just hated questioning my own masculinity every time I fucked with him.
Teflon was needy as fuck and turned out to be different than what I thought he was.
After all that bullshit from back in the day, I still refused to see all the red flags.
The envy he had for his brother was sickening and I wasn’t with that shit.
Just seemed like everything spiraled out of control, right under my nose and before I knew it, I was going along with him and Laquanna’s bullshit.
I didn’t really regret the Nia shit because everyone except Praise could see that Nia was for the streets.
I thought I was doing my day one nigga a favor by helping her disappear.
I also was pulled in at the last fucking minute.
Shit still wasn’t justified, but I did what I had to do. There was no taking the shit back.
I felt depressed and lonely, not being able to chop it up and talk shit with my boys had me going crazy.
I no longer knew who I was anymore. The visit I had with Teflon sent me right back into that sunken place.
I wanted to come out to the world and let it be known that I was gay.
I stayed having that fear of what the world would think.
People were so judgmental, close family and friends saw me as a hardcore street thug.
If they pictured me getting my ass played with or fucking and letting another man suck me up, they would view me as a bitch nigga, and I was far from that.
I still enjoyed ass and titties, which was something a man didn’t have that I was attracted to.
I was conflicted as fuck. Trying to piece that shit up was hard for me.
I didn’t know how to present that to the world, especially my world of gangstas.
Finally gathering up the courage to face my homie, I stepped out the car and dusted the ashes off my black Levi jeans.
Each step I took was heavy. I recited the words a million times on how I would present myself to Stone.
I had no clue that Don and Teflon placed a hit on him, I wouldn’t have ever let that shit go down.
Everything else I was ready to stand on as a man.
Nobody placed a gun to my head and forced me to do anything.
I did that shit. I couldn’t control myself and even though that was my excuse for myself, I wouldn’t dare give one to the niggas I looked at as brothers.
They never did me dirty or treated me foul, yet in return I basically had said fuck them.
I felt fucked up about it now, but I couldn’t turn back the hands of time.
All I wanted to do was apologize and pray I could make it out alive.
The only small hope I had was we were in a public place, a hospital and nothing would really go down here.
In the back of my head, I knew that to be bullshit because Beast’s men were here.
I’d be a fuckin’ fool to think otherwise.