20. Gunna #3
“Not in front of Mattea, baby.”
I could see the battle in his wild looking eyes and was thankful to have Kayori there talking him out of killing me.
He smiled as he lowered his pistol and tucked it underneath his shirt.
Surprising the fuck out of me, he embraced me in a tight ass hug.
When he pulled away, he chuckled while grabbing each side of my face, talking low.
His eyes pierced mine it felt like I was looking the devil right in the eyes.
“You real bold, my boy…. You ain’t shit but a dead nigga walking.”
“Dead igga walting!” Mattea cheered as she gave me that beautiful smile while she innocently mocked her dad.
Beast spit on my shoes, then grabbed Kayori and Mattea hands, and walked all the way inside the hospital room with Brick coming inside behind him.
He motioned for me to leave, and my heart pounded loud in my ears.
I looked back at Stone, he had a hurt look in his eyes like Kayori, but Mattea smiled at me.
My eyes landed on Beast, I saw nothing but hate and disgust. Dropping my gaze, I said my final words to them.
I knew once I walked out this room there would be a red dot on my head until Beast made sure I was dead.
“No matter what, I love you niggas and I’m sorry for what it’s worth.”
A lone tear dropped from my left eye, it felt like I was about to crumble right in front of them.
“For what it’s worth, you a sorry ass nigga. Fuck outta here, dead man walking.”
Beast laughed and flicked me off as Mattea mimicked him by sticking her index finger up, reciting the same words to the best of her ability.
“Dead man walting!”
She gave a serious face like her daddy and fell out laughing. If I wasn’t in such a sad depressed mood, I probably would have laughed but this was the end of a long-term friendship. These niggas would forever be my brothers.
“Tea, that’s a no-no. Don’t copy what daddy do and say,” Kayori told Mattea as she kept giggling thinking it was funny. Brick tapped me on the shoulder and nodded his head, motioning for me to leave. Turning on my heels, I left with no problem.
I stopped at the door when I heard Stone say, “Stay safe my nigga.”
I didn’t even acknowledge his words; I kept my chin up even though I felt defeated.
I made my way to my car. Laying my forehead on the stirring wheel, I sighed.
I prayed that this was some sort of bad dream that I could wake up from.
I cursed myself for not coming clean and admitting to my sexuality.
Replaying Stone’s words in my head, it made me feel sick on the stomach.
To know that he would’ve still remained my friend through it all made me feel dumb as fuck.
I couldn’t even live with myself after knowing how foul I did my boys for a weak ass nigga that didn’t have any loyalty.
I should’ve stopped and thought about it all.
If Michael would play his own brother, what could possibly make me so special.
Michael didn’t put food on the table for me and my mom when we were close to losing it all.
Beast did that shit, he always made sure we were straight.
Never turned on none of us even when we got on that nigga’s nerves.
He was crazy as fuck, but he made sure if you were a part of his team back in the day, we all ate.
The first brick he flipped, he gave his last for it.
Never asking us to drop on it or nothing.
He still broke us off and in return all he spoke upon was us staying loyal to the soil.
When we made enough M’s, he said we would pull out and live life to where we didn’t have to look over our shoulders.
Now, I would forever have to look over mine worrying about when he was coming to kill me.
I couldn’t live like this, I refused to.
Sparking my blunt, I played Beast’s favorite song.
Tupac’s, I Ain’t Mad At Cha. I recited each word as I toked on my blunt, trying to get high as possible.
My life was over, and I didn’t get to live that shit right.
The nigga I was in love with turned out to be a snake, he was now a crackhead.
Shit would never be the same for me, I knew I couldn’t even face my mom because she would never accept her only son as being gay.
I pulled my gun from my glove compartment, as the tears fell down rapidly blurring my vision.
Before I let a nigga take my life, I would take my own.
Life as I knew it was over anyway, I was sure that Beast and Stone would pay their respects at my funeral.
I always wanted to know what life was like on the other side.
Only God could judge me, he knew how I felt and how hard it was to fight off my temptations.
I didn’t believe when people said if you killed yourself, you wouldn’t make it to heaven. If that was true, I guess it was my time to find out. I stuck the gun inside my mouth and didn’t think twice as I squeezed the trigger.