22. Praise #2
“That’s probably why I did that shit with the apartment; it was wrong. You really are my medicine Yori, having you around me helps me cope more than anything.” I hoped she understood me; I needed her too.
“If it makes you happy, I’ll walk out that door and leave you alone… I know I come with a lot and if I’m too much for you, baby, I’ll let you be.”
It ain’t no fucking walking away! Kayori belongs to me, nigga! Beast was starting to rage inside of me. I swallowed down fear as I looked into her pretty brown eyes awaiting her answer. No matter what she said, I could never let go, too many things came with that.
“I don’t want you to let go, Praise… I just don’t want you to hurt me physically or emotionally.”
Her eyes were tired, and I knew I was now an added stress to her. I really didn’t want that to happen. The best I could try to do was hide more of my problems so it wouldn’t spill into her lap. I didn’t want Kayori stressing over me.
“Yori… I will never in my life hurt you physically. I’ll take my own self out first if that was the case.
Now emotionally, you know a nigga ain’t that stable, but I will try to be.
I want you to start coming to therapy with me, we can even have separate sessions.
I just think you need it for your problems too. ”
I picked her chin up, so she can look me in the eyes. She probably felt ugly right now, with how she looked. To me, she looked perfect and flawless. She didn’t understand that when I looked at her, I saw no scars. I saw the woman she really was and the woman she could become with the proper help.
You really on some pussy ass shit right now!
We don’t need therapy and I ain’t taking them fucking pills!
Only reason I took them bitches was to calm down from killing her and whoever else that was in my path that day!
She needs to watch how the fuck she get at me.
Throwing a suitcase full of fucking clothes at a nigga like I’m bitch made or some shit!
“That’s why I’m gon’ up the dosage on your ass,” I said aloud, as I shook my head.
I really was trying my hardest to stop talking out loud to Beast, which was myself.
Shit got confusing to me, but it irked me so bad to start realizing the ignorance and negativity that came with me.
I looked into Kayori’s eyes as she gave me a loving look.
She was starting to become accustomed when I had my small outburst. She bit her bottom lip and played with her fingernails like she had more shit on her mind.
“I might be pregnant, Praise. Lay is taking me to the doctor today to see if I am.”
Choosing to say nothing, I brought her closer and kissed her passionately. In my mind, this was the beginning of us. Kayori had a piece of me and her combined growing inside of her.
“Do you think it’s too soon?”
Bitches! They always want to start asking all kinds of stupid ass questions and playing fucking games.
Kayori felt more comfortable asking me this, I could tell by how relaxed and at ease she appeared to be. I hoped like hell she wasn’t trying to get an abortion because myself and Beast wasn’t with that shit at all.
“You can’t put a time limit on how things are supposed to go, especially with love.”
Kissing her on the forehead she nodded her head in agreement.
Kayori was definitely pregnant. I could tell by how emotional she had become in such a short time.
Her emotions were all over the place. We sat intertwined with each other, talked, and made light of the whole situation.
I wanted to ask her could she come back to my house, I opted out.
I wanted her to ask to come on her own. I wanted to be the one to take her to her doctor’s appointment also.
I just didn’t want to suffocate her. She needed time to adjust to me and the major change that was about to take place in both of our lives.
I also had business to tend to. Shit that I had been placing on the back burner to track down Laquanna, Nia, and Teflon.
I wouldn’t sleep correctly until shit was taken care of.
After running her bath water and getting her nice and settled, I left out of her room and headed straight to Stone’s room.
He had his room set up to accommodate him.
Stone was shot up nine or ten times. I didn’t know how extensive his healing was because a nigga like Stone didn’t like sympathy or people feeling sorry for him.
I had to respect it no less, I just was happy my nigga was still here and fighting hard to get strong before his baby arrived.
I stood back and watched his girl clean his face and put Aloe Vera on his womb, which I assumed was a bullet that went in through his cheek.
He talked different because of it, it knocked all his teeth that was on the right side out.
It left a small hole on the side of his face.
She placed Coco butter all over his face as he rubbed her huge belly.
Placing a bandage over the womb she kissed his forehead, looked up at me and rolled her eyes.
Gathering up all her stuff, making sure the area was clean enough, she walked past me, I tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention.
“I’ll never harm Kayori. I got a lot that comes with me, but that’s no excuse to have my girl stressed… trust me, she’s in good hands.”
You do too much explaining especially to females!
Soon as I left here, I made a mental note to take another pill before I had to go into my office to take care of my business.
I needed the voices to stop, including Beast. On a day-to-day basis I dealt with him and sometimes a thousand other little voices that I heard in my head saying different things, sometimes all at once or at different times.
I learned to deal with them as thoughts, but sometimes it became overwhelming.
“Nigga, you been hit by the love bug. I can see it all on yo face!” Stone smiled as he tried his hardest to sit up in bed. Shaking my head, I took the seat next to him.
“Shit got a nigga shook, my nigga.” Rubbing my hands down my waves, I kept thinking about the possibility of Kayori being pregnant with my baby.
“Everybody deserves love, B. That shit will keep niggas like us well grounded.”
Nodding my head in agreement, I felt that shit too.
“I just got a lot going on. I’m supposed to be taking a trip to the A next week.”
We sat in silence; we both knew what it meant. It was time I put all my enemies to rest.
“You sure you want to do that shit with that nigga Tef?”
“Fuck you mean, Stone?”
“I’m saying though, that’s your blood brother.
I’ll kill that nigga without a care… but with you?
Nigga, that shit gon’ hit different. You already got plenty other things riding your back, nigga.
That shit in particular will haunt your ass…
I say, go after that bitch Nia and Quanna first, then go face that nigga Tef. ”
“Nigga, he violated though… I can’t let that shit slide, my nigga. You know how this shit goes!” I was starting to get angry, and it was only because I wanted to convince myself that killing Michael is something that needed to be done.
“Think about ya momma, nigga. You need her… you don’t want her hating you.
Let the universe handle that nigga. Shit, family always be the first to do you…
I told you to let that nigga pass on getting in the game.
He wasn’t built for this shit like you and I, he didn’t have the same principles either.
That was your fuck up. This shit makes the strongest niggas crumble off greed alone. You get me?”
Nodding my head, I got what he was saying, but I wasn’t trying to hear that shit. All I could think about was how foul he played me and crossed me.
“I’m serious, nigga. Think about your momma.”
Fuck momma! She don’t give a fuck about us any way!
“You still battling with shit mentally ain’t you?” He looked at me seriously, probably seeing that I was in a battle with my thoughts.
“Teflon can’t be trusted, nigga. I might be having a baby on the way! I can’t chance shit!”
“Like I said nigga, think that shit through.” He picked up his cup of water and took slow sips.
“That shit with Gunna fucked me up, my nigga. I can’t even lie… Shit hurt a nigga bad. I can’t even believe he went out like that.”
I could see the hurt in Stone’s eyes as he talked about it.
I felt nothing for Gunna. I didn’t even know if I felt anything for Teflon, Nia, and Laquanna.
All I saw was betrayal, they were all better off out of my life and erased.
Now, when I thought about Gunna how close we were and how we started off it did bother me a bit, it even stung when he offed his self.
I felt nothing at the end of it because to me, he deserved his own fate.
I never crossed that nigga or gave him a reason to do me dirty.
“You talk to ya moms?”
“Nah, she been on some fuck shit. I had my men move her around to safety, you know? Err time I talk to her ass, she on some pleading for Michael’s pussy ass.
That’s the only reason I’ve been moving slow.
I’ve been questioning a lot of people love and loyalty for me.
Shit got me fucked up more in the head. My trigger finger itching, I ain’t been able to conduct my legal business correctly without snapping off on a mothafucka.
Then I got Mattea, I can’t just make Kayori take on everything with her even though, eventually she’s gon’ have to play the momma role to Tea. ”
It felt good being able to get all this shit off my chest. If anybody knew me, it was Stone, he never held shit back with how he felt. He wasn’t scared to go toe to toe with my ass either. It’s probably why he was the only real close friend I had more like a brother to me.
“Don’t overdo that shit with shorty, she’s good for you… you need her, and she needs you based off what Lay tells me. Don’t run her away though, nigga.” He gave me a crooked smile as I shook my head.