32. Kayori
Chapter Thirty-Two
KAYORI
Six Months Later
Istood at my stove with swollen feet and ankles as I stirred my crab boil before dropping my crab legs inside the hot water.
I had a crazy pregnancy craving, and seafood was on the menu.
I was due any day now to deliver my baby boy.
My life had become super different, yet I would be lying if I said I didn’t go a day without thinking about Praise.
I missed him so badly, and some nights I would cry myself to sleep.
I texted him once a week. If I had a doctor's appointment, I made sure to give him an update on the baby.
He only offered me short responses like "ok," "good," and "be safe.
" I wanted him to express that he loved me and he was okay with all of this.
I knew the simple truth was that Beast was upset, hurt, and disappointed with me.
I felt that in myself like I was being a coward by running away with my issues and problems. I was also scared to face him, knowing I would soon have to.
His son would be born soon, and I would be left no choice but to see him.
I got myself into a pattern to make things better for myself.
I didn't want to be consumed and burdened down with thoughts of Beast. I had consistent checks coming in each month.
Beast sent me money almost every other week, and I used that money to invest in more property.
I currently have two Airbnb properties that I rented out consistently.
I also had one book on , and it stayed in the top ten on the charts for months now.
I felt like I was finally gaining my own independence. If I wasn’t taking care of business, I was writing. It kept my anxiety in check. I also made a point to go visit my mom and Malcolm once every two weeks and sit with them. That was helping me drastically with healing.
Life was supposed to be good, but a part of me felt empty.
I missed my best friend, so I started to call her via FaceTime about four months ago.
She was still upset with me, but she never declined a call.
She felt like I was running from my problems. She didn’t understand how much I needed to free myself and my mind.
Things were starting to feel clouded with Beast. I did miss my best friend and godson dearly. I thought about them daily as well.
When I reached out to Meshalay, she told me how Beast was forced to a three-month facility after acting like an ass at a public restaurant.
I watched it via YouTube, and my heart broke when I saw the distraught look in his eyes.
He punched holes, then threw tables and chairs in the establishment’s walls.
He yelled and demanded the owner bring him his medicine, which I knew was me.
I wanted to drive five hours to Vegas and save him from himself.
His mom Leandra, spoke against it. She said he needed to be reevaluated and get better medications for his condition.
It tore me up more when I sent him a text, telling him that I hoped he felt better.
He responded with, "Keep the fake love." That crushed me.
I tried to break the silence and call him, but he declined every single call.
I almost fell back into a depression, yet I refused to let it get that far.
I just hated that Beast was starting to think I had turned my back on him.
Deep down, I felt like that was the end of us.
I knew I couldn’t be everything he needed me to be for him.
I was fucked up, too. We were toxic in the short period of time we were together.
Now it seemed like he was losing his mind.
Some days when he texted me just those simple one-word texts, I could feel the vibe, and I could also feel the huge distance between us.
I knew he feared me moving on and being with someone else while I carried his baby.
Little did he know, I feared the same shit.
He just didn’t know I feared him moving on from me and finding his medicine in another woman.
I loved Beast with all of me. I just wanted him to be better.
The whole situation with Malcolm made me feel like shit.
Michael met up with me at his mother's house to explain it was all him. I couldn’t hold him to that because he didn’t know Malcolm was my brother.
The universe worked crazy like that sometimes.
It made me feel like shit for shooting Beast. I owed him an apology, and I vowed to give him that, but I wanted to do it in person.
I made it clear to Michael to stay away from me, though.
While he didn’t know at the time Malcolm was my brother, I still wouldn’t be able to be around his ass.
In the back of my mind, I would always remember he was the one that took my brother away from me.
After dropping the crab legs in the boiling water, I danced in excitement and put my timer on.
I left the kitchen to take a seat in my living room and still couldn’t believe this two-bedroom condo was all mine.
I felt so good about my accomplishments.
I was lonely as hell with my best friend and man still in Vegas.
I scrolled through my phone and went to Instagram to stalk Beast. Every time I went to his page, he had the same single photo of himself, Mattea, and me from when we went to Sea World.
In a sick way, I kept visiting his page to make sure he didn’t delete that picture off of his page.
It somehow let me know that he still cared and loved me.
I clicked on his page, and my stomach tightened when I saw the picture that I depended on was removed and replaced with Mattea and him at Disneyland.
Looking at the date, I took note that the picture was taken over a week ago.
What made shit worse was I clicked on his profile picture since it indicated he had a new story up.
The sight of the new story he posted made my eyes tear up.
Beast looked calm and happy while I was sitting here pregnant and swollen.
He was on vacation with a Latino model-looking chick with aqua blue hair.
She had on a skimpy bikini top as her breast was pressed on his muscular back.
Beast didn’t have on a shirt. He held the phone with one hand and steered the jet ski on the crystal blue water.
They both laughed as he yelled, “More Life,” into the camera.
Before clicking off his page, I blocked him and then closed the app out.
I had no right to be mad, but I couldn’t control my emotions.
I was beyond furious. I knew if it was the other way around, Beast would’ve hopped on his private jet, dragged me off the damn jet ski, and killed the nigga I was parading around with.
My timer went off, so I made my way back to the kitchen to drop my shrimp inside the water.
My craving for seafood had subsided, as my hunger was now replaced with sadness.
I wanted to curl up in my bed and cry my heart out.
The downside about being pregnant was if you were happy, then it was the best feeling.
Once you got sad, it made you feel low, real low to the point where it was hard to pull yourself out.
Placing both hands on the counter for stability that I no longer felt like I had, I bowed my head and cried until my head started to throb.
I didn’t want Beast with another woman. I hated the fact that I was so deeply in love with him the way that I was.
I thought creating space between us two would be good for both of us.
It didn’t turn out that way. I was starting to feel like all of this was a big ass mistake.
All these different emotions that I was starting to feel were not healthy.
I felt selfish because I didn’t want to see Beast happy.
He deserved to be happy, just like I did.
I wanted his mental to be aligned with his heart.
It also made me think deeper into the situation with us.
Did Beast get attached to women easily like he did me, or was this just a fling to help him forget about me?
I was not the type of woman to believe a baby could keep a nigga, yet I thought he and I were soulmates.
Hell, I thought a lot. I was just confusing myself.
Taking my seafood out of the pot, I poured my secret butter sauce over it as I heard my doorbell ring.
Living alone sometimes made me paranoid.
At this very moment, I wished I wasn’t so lazy when it came time for me to install my Ring doorbell.
I had very nice neighbors. I also lived in a quiet neighborhood.
My mind was puzzled because I was not expecting any company.
Turning the stove on low heat, I wobbled my way to my front door.
After I had my baby and was properly healed from my c-section, I had planned on having the gastric sleeve surgery.
I put on an extra thirty pounds, and I could feel every bit of it.
I wanted to be healthy and in shape. I’ve been big my whole life, and now I am ready for a change.
I wanted to be able to run after my son when he got older and not be out of breath.
Looking through the peephole, I smiled widely and snatched the door open.
Meshalay stood with a cheesy ass grin on her face as she held two bottles.
One was sparkling cider, and the other was her favorite wine.
Her pretty light complexion glowed under the sun.
I embraced her as tight as I could, belly and all.
Wiping the tears from my face, I smiled and then folded my hands across my chest.
“Now, where is my godson?” I was happy as hell to see her. I missed her so much but wanted to see my godson too.
“Well, damn! A bitch drove five hours to come see you and all you worried about is Zion’s spoiled ass.” She balled her pretty face up and looked at me like I was crazy.
“Girl, it’s hot as fuck out here, and you’re just standing there. Let a bitch in!”
Rolling my eyes, I moved to the side and let her inside of my home. As soon as she entered, she started clapping. Her face showed just how happy she was.
“I still feel some type of way how you just up and left… Running from your problems as usual, but I’m proud of you. You’re definitely doing the damn thing.” Plopping down on the couch, she placed the two bottles on my coffee table.
“How long you staying for?” I asked her with excitement.
“Girl, for a night. Stone is not letting me out of his sight for too long. He barely agreed to let me stay the damn night. The nigga had the nerves to say that I couldn’t take Zion because he doesn’t like the way I drive.
Talking ‘bout, he can’t risk his lil boy in the car with me that long. ” She rolled her eyes hard at that.
I released the laugh I was trying to hold. Lay’s ass couldn’t drive for shit. She loved to speed, and then she would panic while driving fast as hell and break hard. I’ve caught whiplash a couple of times with her bad driving.
“He ain’t told no lies. Let me take my seafood out of the pot before I overcook my damn shrimp. You might as well come in the kitchen ‘cause I know you want some,” I said over my shoulder. I could hear her ass hop off my couch fast.
“Damn right, that drive got me hungry as hell.”
God was always giving me strength, just when I felt myself breaking.
He sent the person I needed to take my mind off Beast. Meshalay didn’t even know she came right on time.
If she hadn’t shown up, the food would’ve been wasted.
Seeing Beast smiling and enjoying some woman while I was sitting up pregnant had me feeling some type of way.
I started thinking recklessly. When, in reality, I knew I didn’t have that right.
Meshalay and I pigged out. I was so full that it felt like I couldn’t move.
After helping me clean the kitchen, I went straight to my room and laid down.
Lay came in with two cups. Handing me the cup with cider, she took slow sips of her wine.
I turned the tv on and put on our favorite movie, “Booty Call.”
“Have you talked to ya man?” breaking the silence, she stared at me with a knowing look.
“We text here and there. I guess he really ain’t my man no more.” I shrugged.
“Cut the bullshit, Yori. I know ya ass is pissed about his story! Don’t act like I didn’t notice your red ass eyes when you opened the door.” Rolling her eyes, she took another sip of her wine.
“What you want me to say, Lay? I fucked up, I moved too fast, I got scared, and I did the next best thing I’m good at doing…” I paused as that lump appeared in my throat that was hard to swallow down. I didn’t want to cry, but I was overpowered with emotions.
“I ran, Lay. That’s why I shut you out… I know you would’ve stopped me.” I looked at her, begging her with my eyes to understand me.
“You’re grown, Kayori. I can’t make your ass do shit you don’t want to do… Now you know I’m gon’ always keep it one hundred with you, so you damn right, I would’ve tried my hardest to talk some sense into you.” She paused to take another sip of wine.
“You had no business coming all the way back out here, when ya baby daddy all the way out there. You ain’t give that man a chance to explain himself are nothing, to me that was foul as fuck.
Now, it doesn’t excuse all the drama he had you mixed up in.
You just got to understand that it’s his baby too.
That little bundle of joy can hear everything, your voice and now mine.
He probably feels like you robbed him of that. You took away his bonding time.”
I sat silent as Lay put her focus back on the movie.
She laughed a little at what Jamie Foxx had said in the movie.
She knew I was in my feelings and deep in my thoughts.
What she said made perfect sense, and I hated it.
I hated it because she forced me to see things on both ends. Now, I felt more like shit.
Pushing all the emotional stuff to the side, I enjoyed having my best friend here with me for the night.
We watched movie after movie until the tv watched us sleep.
My last thought was Beast. I wanted to leave with Meshalay in the morning to head back to Vegas for a visit.
I wanted to see Beast so bad now. Meshalay’s words stuck to me like glue.
I was wrong for just jumping ship, and I should’ve given Beast the opportunity to bond with the baby this whole time I’ve been pregnant.
On second thought, though, he didn’t do much to come after me either.
Tomorrow, I planned on sending him a text and asking him if we could set a date between this week in next to discuss the baby.
He could come any day now, and we both needed to be on the same page.