33. Beast
Chapter Thirty-Three
BEAST
“Papi, can we fuck now? I want to feel you inside of me.”
I looked at LaLa and chuckled lowly; my dick was now limp. I could’ve blown her back out, but bitches had a bad habit of acting crazy when they got a chance to experience my dick deep inside of them. Nia and Laquanna had me rethinking and placing new standards on my shit.
“You good, La. I got to move around.”
She folded her arms across her perky breast and frowned.
If she didn’t want to get her feelings hurt, she’d get her ass in the shower and leave.
I gave her ass a good time for three days straight.
I took her on a trip that wasn’t planned.
I just needed a new scenery and to get my mind off Kayori’s ass.
I made up my mind after being released from the crazy house that I wasn’t fucking with her on that level.
No matter how hard it was for me to push her to the back of my mind, she resurfaced.
I watched LaLa’s fine ass stand to her feet and make her way to the hotel suite’s bathroom as I laid back and called Leandra to see how Mattea was doing.
I was going to L.A. today to pick up my spoiled brat. I missed her lil ass and was ready to bring her home. I made sure Stone was coming with me since that would help me not pull up to see Kayori. I knew deep down if I laid eyes on Kayori, it would make things hard on me.
I knew I had to back down from Kayori even if I didn’t want to.
Those voices in my head started to slow down from the new meds I was taking.
I was starting to feel like the old me when I had more control of my thoughts.
After I killed Laquanna, those voices had grown and got bad to the point of me snapping.
I blacked out and woke up in a mental facility.
I beat staff up, tried to escape that bitch multiple times, and failed.
It left me angry and frustrated, making me feel like nobody was in my corner.
The only person that came to see me when I was in that place was Stone.
He kept telling me that I could do it and to focus on getting better.
That shit was hard, and those voices fought me so hard.
I even started hallucinating and seeing things I didn’t want to see.
I kept hearing voices telling me to do dark shit like killing Kayori.
They even tried to convince me that she had betrayed me.
The sane part of me knew that was incorrect.
The mental side of me wanted to believe that shit.
I saw a counselor four times a week. My counselor helped me get a grip with the fact that I had multiple mental disorders.
The more he told me about my condition, the more I believed him.
Every time an intrusive thought broke through in my mind, I tried to immediately separate it from my actual reality.
Over the past couple of months, I transformed a lot.
Every now and then, Praise and I would separate.
I fought like hell to merge us, and it felt better that way.
I was Praise, and Praise was Beast; we were one.
I chanted that to myself daily when I felt like I was separating our feelings and thoughts.
The other voices I viewed as non-important.
All these daily exercises I did not only for myself but for Mattea as well.
I had to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly about myself.
This was who the fuck I was, and if muthafuckas didn’t like it, they could suck my dick.
I was a blunt person and maybe even rude, but that’s just who I was.
I also had to accept my mom for who she was.
Her ass was far from perfect, but above all that, she always had my back.
Just because I was getting help and taking medicine to help me didn’t delete the fact that I still had issues.
I still remained imperfect. Thinking like this on a daily basis made me feel like shit for getting Kayori’s ass pregnant.
It’s too late now. I was ready to embrace and love on my baby like I was supposed to.
If I had a chance to redo it all, I would have never gotten attached to her and put my seed up in her.
A nigga like me needed to be single. People acted like they understood, but when shit got fucked up, they ran far just like Kayori did after she shot me.
Once LaLa got her shit together and stomped her ass out the door, I sat back with no emotions. I wanted my heart to ice over and only melt for my kids. Adults had a fucked-up way of showing love and loyalty. I guess I had to understand that everybody didn’t think like me.
I wasn’t a fuck up by no means. I was a wealthy ass nigga, but things around me constantly turned into shit.
I thought after killing Laquanna and Nia that shit would get better, but it didn’t.
I even thought of giving my brother a chance to live for the sake of my mom was me doing a good deed.
It only drove me crazier. In my mind, he was the mastermind behind it all.
His betrayal fucked with me the most. I practically helped with raising his punk ass, and he spit in my face.
It was best if Michael stayed far the hell away from me.
I was trying to change and control my temper, but that shit would only go so far.
The voices still told me to torture and then killed his ass.
Grabbing up my keys once I got the text from Stone that he was outside, I picked up my cane to stand for support.
Once I was on my feet, I tried to stretch but felt my knee locking up.
Damn Kayori, I thought to myself as I grimaced.
Every time I felt pain, my mind went right to her ass.
I could picture her smiling sinisterly. Blinking back the visuals of her and ignoring the voices, I picked my duffle bag up, throwing it over my shoulders.
It became easy as hell for me to walk now because my body adapted to the knee replacement well.
After agonizing therapy and daily exercise, I was eighty percent back to normal.
I now had severe arthritis and needed a cane just to stand up someday to relieve my knee from too much pressure.
I could walk normally, but standing too long bothered me.
I was just happy that I was out of the wheelchair.
When I made it to Stone’s car, I smiled as we dapped up and embraced each other in a brotherly hug.
It felt good every time I saw this nigga.
He recovered well. He was walking good, and most of the scars had healed.
His dark-ass complexion made it hard to even see the marks on his face from the bullet that entered through his cheek.
The only thing that remained the same and wasn’t going to change was his raspy ass voice.
“Ready to get outta this hot ass Vegas weather and hit L.A?” He smiled wide, rubbing his hands together as he slapped me on my shoulder. Brick walked up to me, grabbing my bags as he smiled at me and Stone.
“Nigga, yo black as night ass is a little too excited about going to L.A. You sure wifey is cool with you leaving for the weekend? I know a nigga like you got to check-in.”
I chuckled as Stone flicked me off and walked around the car to the driver’s side of his brand-new Range Rover. I took in the interior and exterior and felt a certain type of way as I got inside the car.
“Nigga, fuck you. I’m a grown-ass man. Wifey knows, and I move how I please. Plus, she knows I need this lil break. I’ve been in the house for close to a year now. Shit, it feels good just to be driving around.”
He had a point. I don’t know how Stone did it. We were street niggas, so staying in one place for too long started to feel like jail to niggas like us.
“Fuck all that shit you talkin’. Why you tryna stunt on me, nigga?
You know Range Rovers is my thing. The fuck you go and buy this shit for?
” Snatching the blunt from him, I took in all the features of the truck.
The seats were leather and the color of peanut butter with a panoramic roof.
Yea, I was definitely in my fuckin feelings tough over this one.
I usually upgraded my Rovers every time a new one came out. I had been slacking on my car game.
“This bitch sexy, ain’t it? You know I had to fuck with you and buy it.
On the real, I’m giving this bitch to wifey.
I was just breaking the hoe in for her. I like big boy trucks, nigga.
You can keep playing with these lil cute cars.
Now stop bitching and enjoy the ride, cry baby ass nigga. ” He turned the music sky-high.
I reclined my seat as I chanted to myself, “I am Praise. Praise is Beast, and we are one.”
I said it about a thousand times the whole ride. I’d never stop saying it to myself until I felt myself actually believing it more, and I needed it imprinted in my head.
“I’m proud of you on some real shit, my nigga.
I thought you would never be willing to get the proper help you need as far as your mental.
You’re doing really good, though. If nobody told you that shit, let me be the first to say it.
When we get out here, I think you should go holler at Kayori.
You got to see her sooner than later. You know she due to drop any day now. ”
“I don’t know, man,” I casually stated.
“Fuck you mean you don’t know?” He merged on the freeway, glancing at me and then focusing on the road.
“Yo, don’t start that bullshit, nigga! She’s about to have yo baby. You ain’t gotta be with her, but you gotta sit down with her and establish some shit. She gon’ have that baby any day now.”
“Nigga, I swear you be acting like you’re my damn therapist or some shit.”