Chapter 12
Sadie
“What do you think of Derrik?” June asked, crossing her arms on the tabletop and leaning forward.
He and Mike had wandered off to see if they could get a pool table.
It was clear that she’d been dying for an opportunity to talk to me alone.
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why.
It had been almost two hours since the whole wardrobe malfunction, and I’d been distracted ever since.
Then, of course, before that I’d been distracted by Jamison looming all broad-chested and broody near my shoulder.
How was I supposed to carry on a conversation when he was so . . . within touching distance?
And then, his parting words.
“I almost can’t handle it.” What did he mean by that?
This whole journey of finding my purpose was supposed to center what I wanted, but still the haunting intensity in his brown eyes was enough to send a shiver down my spine.
If what I wanted was something I could have, shouldn’t I have it?
Or was that more of the thinking that had gotten my heartbroken by an oblivious man?
It was.
But also, now that I knew, I could adjust accordingly. When he said everything between us was casual, I would take him at face value and not believe him to be secretly harboring any feelings for me. Which obviously relied heavily on me separating my emotions fully from sex.
“What do you think of Derrik?” Was she kidding me? Nothing. I don’t think of anything anymore.
“He seems nice,” I said.
“He is, and he’s, like, super cute, right?”
I nodded. He was objectively cute with gold speckled green eyes and an easy smile. Clearly, he worked out. Maybe if I wasn’t struggling with an obsession of the toxic variety, I’d be more interested in the fact that he only lived an hour south of Chicago.
“I wasn’t trying to like, hook you up with someone or whatever, but I am so happy to see you hit it off with Derrik and .
. . not Gene.” She swiped at the air as if clearing away smoke.
“I love Gene. He’s a really great brother to Mike, and friend to me.
He’s an incredible son. But I feel like .
. . he’s a bit more of what you’ve had. Ya know? ”
I kept nodding.
I did know.
“Not that you’re looking for anything,” she went on. “I know you’re not.”
“No, I’m not.”
“I think it’s a great idea to take some time and decide what you really want. Focus on you. But it’s fun to flirt with boys. Anyway, I’m happy to see you flirting with Derrik. I think he’s the safer option.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m flirting with him.”
“That’s probably the wrong word,” she conceded as Mike and Derrik returned to the table.
Mike placed a hand on the back of June’s chair. “No tables. They’ve all been reserved.”
“That’s okay, I was thinking about calling it a night,” I said, even though the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, because no thought had taken hold in roughly one-hundred and twenty minutes.
“Me too.” Derrik jerked his chin toward the exit. “What about you two? You off?”
“Um . . . ” June chewed on her lower lip, glancing at me asking a silent question.
Pointing to her pink cocktail mostly full on the table, I said, “You just got your drink. Stay.”
“I can walk you to your room,” Derrik offered.
“I mean, I felt perfectly safe last night, so you don’t have to.”
“I’d like to, if that’s okay.”
I shrugged.
He was easy to be around. The kind of guy who didn’t need much help keeping a conversation going. As we strolled to The Bronte, he did most of the talking and asked me a question from time to time. I was only half paying attention.
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall framing my door. “It was really nice to meet you.”
“Yeah, you too.” I rummaged in my little clutch for my key card. “Thank you for walking with me.”
“No problem. I’m staying in The Austenian, so not that far back to my spot.”
The ding of the elevator called down the hallway just before the doors slid open revealing a single passenger inside.
Framed by the open doors, wearing the same sweatpants he’d worn that morning and a sweat-drenched white T-shirt, Jamison wiped his glistening forehead with a sleeve stretching across his bicep.
Even from the other end of the hall, I felt the force of his eyes landing on me.
His chest rose and fell before he took a step.
“Hey man,” Derrik called, clearly unaware that we’d experienced an earthquake. “What are you doing here?”
Jamison’s hands balled into fists, then stretched. His jaw set as he noticed his cousin’s presence. Jerking his head toward the door behind Derrik, he mumbled, “That’s my room.”
“Wow, right next to each other. Did you request adjoining rooms?”
I shook my head, still not trusting myself to speak.
“No.” Jamison’s movements were almost feline in their grace and command as he came to a stop next to his cousin.
“That’s random,” Derrik said. “Did you work out?”
“Yeah.”
“Even chattier than normal.”
For a beat, Jamison held absolutely still. His face was expressionless, but still it was obvious that his patience with Derrik had run out. Then Jamison swallowed and shrugged. “Sure.”
“Alright, well”—Derrik turned to me—”really nice to meet you, Sadie.”
I nodded, forcing a smile. I was having a hard time breathing with Jamison taking all of the air, filling it with the smell of his skin, hot and salty. I’d never thought sweat was particularly sexy, but then I’d never seen him post-workout. Pheromones were pheromoning.
I tried to catch his eye to keep him near somehow, but it seemed like he wanted to look anywhere but me.
Derrik wasn’t even to the elevators before Jamison mumbled a goodnight to me and disappeared into his room.
At a loss of what else to do, I opened my door and stepped into the quiet.
My discarded outfits were draped over the sofa and the foot of the bed.
Splotches of color in the otherwise darkly intense room.
“Stay here,” I said with only myself to hear.
Taking my phone out of my clutch, I considered texting Alicia for a pep-talk on how not to backslide into a reckless situation.
Instead, I tossed my phone back in my bag with my key card and took confident steps back to the hallway. My door closed behind me, the click of the latch was a final warning to change my mind. But I wasn’t interested in another night spent alone and desperate.
And there was only one man I wanted to be with.