27. Chapter 27- Lily #3
“Hah-hah-hah,” Beatrice laughed, in her faux baritone. “Hah-hah-hah.”
After a few moments, it became clear to Lily that the two young ladies planned on laughing until the gentlemen grew uncomfortable and left.
If they had described the plan to Lily beforehand, it would have made her very nervous.
But with such nonsensical gaiety surrounding her, Lily soon couldn’t help laughing along with them.
It was a feat she would have thought impossible, considering her circumstances, but the two of them sounded ridiculous! Rachel’s falsetto giggle couldn’t drown out Beatrice’s deep hah-hah-hah. Rachel sounded like a brainless idiot; Beatrice sounded like a coal miner bellied up to a bar.
Lily found that once she’d started laughing, it was impossible to stop. It was a strange catharsis, one she perhaps should have tried weeks ago. Rachel and Beatrice kept chortling alongside her, and it felt like they were all in on the farce together.
After several minutes of their bizarre laughter, the gentlemen in attendance stood, bowed awkwardly, and left. The moment they disappeared through the far archway, Rachel and Beatrice stopped.
Lily required several additional moments to compose herself fully, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with a monogrammed handkerchief.
“That was my favorite one yet,” she finally said, hiccuping back a wayward giggle.
“Please don’t use the code word ‘peculiar’ again. I don’t think I can manage it,” Beatrice said rather hoarsely. She quickly sipped her tea.
“You needn’t laugh like that to accomplish the goal,” Rachel said. “Lily and I laughed normally and it was still quite effective.”
“That’s your real laugh?” Beatrice asked, eyes wide. She promptly devolved into a coughing fit; Lily refilled her teacup from the lukewarm pot.
Thankfully, the butler chose that moment to introduce Lord Rigsby.
“Oh dear,” Lily murmured. “I don’t think laughter will be enough to drive this one away.”
“A tough customer? I’ll be sure to employ something very clever,” Rachel whispered.
Lord Rigsby greeted each lady in turn, lingering over Lily’s hand until it was all she could do not to yank it away from the humidity of his breath. Finally he was seated.
“Lord Rigsby, would you care for tea and biscuits?” Lily made meaningful eye contact with the maid and signalled for a fresh pot.
“How kind of you to offer, Miss Preston,” he simpered. “What a relief to find you as wonderful a hostess as you are beautiful.”
“I am quite relieved as well,” Rachel said innocently. “There are no better biscuits in London than those in this household.”
“What a severe evaluation of your own household,” Beatrice said.
Lily looked back and forth between them, unsure whether this was honest conversation or the start of a previously devised farce.
“Indeed,” Lord Rigsby said. “One would think your own cook would entertain your specific tastes.”
He bit into a biscuit and crumbs showered his front. He began his usual routine of smacking and chewing. The moist gumming sounds stunned the other two ladies—Lily felt them stiffen in surprise—whereas she had at least been expecting it.
“I cannot even muster a pretense for this one,” Rachel snapped, frowning at Lord Rigsby. “Just, dear heavens, no.”
“I beg your pardon?” he answered, each consonant rounded with the tacky stickiness of the half-chewed biscuit in his mouth.
“Please close your mouth when you eat. If you cannot manage that, I must demand you refrain from eating in my presence.”
Lord Rigsby stared at her as pink rapidly flushed upward from his collar. “How very rude.”
“I completely agree.” She gave a brisk nod. “Why, it’s amazing Lily has allowed you to remain in her parlor when you masticate more loudly than any barnyard animal.”
He shot to his feet. “I have never been spoken to in such a manner in all my life.”
“That’s a failing of mother and governess, then,” Rachel said tartly. “Better that they had said something early on and spared the rest of us.”
Lord Rigsby stood open-mouthed, looking back and forth between the ladies as if he were waiting for an apology from one of them. Lily might have been more sympathetic if he’d thought to swallow first. When no such consolation was forthcoming, he turned his stiff back and stomped for the door.
At the end of the day, Rachel stood and smoothed her skirts. “That went as well as expected. You should have far fewer visitors tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry. We will be here again to support you,” Beatrice added.
Though Rachel seemed invigorated and Beatrice looked as intrepid as ever, Lily was fairly exhausted.
Truth be told, she didn’t enjoy waiting to see which gambit the ladies would play next.
Some of their games were as shocking to Lily as they were to the gentlemen.
They hadn’t crossed any true lines of decorum, but Lily thought she might have nightmares about the quality of refrigeration in restaurants.
“I don’t mean to distract you from your own visiting,” Lily said.
“Not at all,” Rachel said, right as Beatrice snorted, “What visiting?”