Chapter 34 You Make Everything…Suck Less
YOU MAKE EVERYTHING…SUCK LESS
SHARI
After I let Pickles out for a wee, I lock up the house and trudge upstairs to my room. I'm so drained I could collapse on my feet, but I feel...dirty. I just need to scrub this whole night from my skin.
I lean in and turn the shower on to heat up – I think scalding should do the trick – and I can't stop my mind from wandering back over the shitshow that was tonight.
Jake turned into a completely different person, it was scary how quickly he changed.
He's never given me any reason to think he wasn't the guy I believed he was, though. I just can't get my head around it.
Didn't he, though, Shari? My subconscious chimes in as I scrub the ick from my skin.
Did he? I suppose he was quite condescending at times.
Especially to Brad and Larissa at dinner last week.
And there were times when he didn't seem to want to listen to me if I told him no during sex.
..that's a huge red flag. Have I just been blind to it all?
Jaime said he love-bombed me to make me forget the bad parts.
Am I so starved for love that I fell for it so easily?
No, I have plenty of love in my life. Was I just desperate to take my mind off Brad falling for Larissa? Was Jake just a master manipulator?
As I'm drying myself off, I swear I can hear Jake shouting at me again. Or at least I think it's an echo of memory until Pickles starts going nuts. I quickly tug on my pyjamas and run downstairs after the dog, this is really out of character for him so it has me freaked out.
As I get halfway down the stairs, the shouting amplifies and is joined by a repeated banging on the door. Shit, I didn't lock the porch! He's in my porch!
“Shari! I know you're in there! Open this fucking door!” Bang bang bang. “You got my membership suspended, you fucking cunt! I've been a member of Deviancy for six years and never have I been thrown out until you!” Bang bang bang.
He's been a member for six years and never once mentioned it to me to even test the waters? Pickles is jumping up at the door, barking and scratching, trying to get through to the threat outside.
Bang bang bang bang bang! “Is he in there with you? Come out and fight like a real man, Braaad!” Bang bang bang. “You're a fucking hypocrite, Shari. Judging me for taking you to a consensual club when you've been fucking around behind my back like a WHORE!”
I need to get to my phone, I'm worried he's going to be able to kick the door in for how forcefully he's going at it. Where did I put my bag?
I run back upstairs to search my room when suddenly all the noise stops.
The banging, the shouting. Even Pickles has reduced his efforts to little warning huffs.
I creep to my bedroom window to look out, but I can't see inside the porch from here.
He's nowhere to be found outside the house, though.
Did he leave? He seems unhinged enough to have stormed off abruptly.
What the fuck drugs did he take between when he left me in Deviancy and now?
Phone in hand, I tiptoe back downstairs to see Pickles pacing in front of the door, sniffing at the threshold.
I can't see any movement in the porch through the small stained glass window at the top of the door.
Maybe he really did leave? I have to check before I phone nine-nine-nine for a wasted journey, so I sneak over to the front window and inch the curtain aside.
A shadow in my driveway moves, immediately snagging my attention when the security light illuminates the space.
Jake's face is contorted in rage as he shouts, “He can have you, Shari! You're nothing but a slut! You’re just like my ex-wife. A judgemental, hypocritical fucking whore!” He rears his arm back and I leap out of my skin when a rock thuds off the window.
My heart is racing in my throat as I stand frozen to the spot. He just threw a rock at me. He just threw a rock at me! The banging on the door starts up again with double the force, and I can see it moving in the frame with every thud. Fuck, he's really going to kick the door in!
I lift my phone to finally call the police...but my battery's dead.
brAD
We walk into Larissa's living room, and I can't stop the roiling feeling in my gut.
I can't get my mind off how upset Shari was when we picked her up. I fucking knew that dickhead was bad news. What was he thinking taking her to a sex club in the middle of nowhere, only to abandon her?! I hate that we left her at her house alone.
“Brad, it’s ok. I get it,” Larissa's voice pulls me out of my reverie.
“What do you get?” I ask, confused.
“You’re in love with Shari. And I can’t say I really blame you. Shari is…well, she’s kinda great. I won’t say it doesn’t hurt to admit that but, she is. You're immediately happier when she’s around.”
I scoff, because I don't want to hurt Larissa and admit that she's right. Loving Shari has never been the problem. She just doesn't want a serious relationship with me, and she's made that abundantly clear over the years. She’s also stubborn and frustrating and refuses to see sense when we disagree and she drives me crazy with how self-deprecating she can be! She’s the most stunning woman I’ve ever met, both inside and out, and she refuses to believe I see her that way. Her insecurities have always been our biggest obstacle, but she just doesn’t hear me and it kills me that now it's too late.
I hate that I'm even having these thoughts still when I'm happy with Larissa. And I really am happy, I just—
“Brad. Brad!”
Shit, I zoned out on Larissa again. Thinking about Shari again.
“Brad, listen to me,” Larissa chokes out. “This sucks because I really, really like you, but I won’t be the person standing in the way of a family. You love her, and she loves you. It's pretty plain to see.”
“She doesn't love me,” I take in Larissa's tear-streaked face and it's like a punch to the gut.
I shouldn't be having this conversation with her, but I can't stop the next words out of my mouth.
“You saw how upset she was to find out Jake wasn't the man she'd fallen for!” That fact keeps swirling around in my mind and I feel like I'm going to be sick. She's heartbroken over that twat.
“What I saw was a woman who was upset to have been put in a vulnerable situation by someone she'd started to trust. I saw a woman who was so relieved to see you that her entire frame relaxed the second you arrived. A woman who is always happy to see you. No matter what she might say or how much she pushes you away, she’s only doing it because she’s scared.
But don’t let her succeed, Brad. Elizabeth deserves to have her parents be happy together rather than miserable apart.
You owe it to her to try,” Larissa pleads softly.
“I have tried. Since the day we found out she was pregnant, but Shari always turns me down because of our age gap. Every time.”
“Don't take no for an answer. I'm serious, Brad. Shari loves you, and she's scared it'll go south, but trust me, she's now even more terrified that she's lost the chance forever.”
A lump forms in my throat as I consider her words because I’m scared, too. I manage to croak out, “In another life, Larissa, we really could have been something. I’m so sorry for hurting you. You deserve better. You deserve the world.”
I pull her in for a hug as a sob bursts from her, and I breathe in her soothing lavender scent for the last time. She pulls back and kisses me softly, the salt of her tears staining my lips with guilt, before pushing me towards the door.
“You need to go and get your woman now, Brad, so I can fall apart in private. She shouldn't be alone after what went down tonight.”
“I—”
“No. Please go, I'll be ok. I just need some time to grieve our relationship. Please.” The last word is strangled and I feel like a colossal arsehole for breaking her heart this way. But she truly deserves someone who will worship her the way I do Shari.
I pull the door open, the metal of the handle cool on my palm, and with one last look at the beautiful girl trying to hold it together, I whisper, “I truly hope we can be friends one day.”
And I leave to go get my woman, like Larissa demanded.
The closer I get to Shari's house, the more my thoughts swirl. Is she ok? Is Larissa right that Shari loves me too? How do I make her see that we should be together after nearly two years of trying?
Flashing reds and blues light up the darkness as I turn onto her street, and a total panic seizes my lungs.
Please don't be here for her, please don't be here for—
I choke on air when I see two police cars parked outside her house. I'm out of the car with no further thought and I'm running towards them with only one goal.
“Shari? Shari! Where is she?! SHARI!” I shout manically as I try to push my way past an officer.
I can hear him talking as he tries to corral me backwards, but it's all just white noise as my eyes frantically search the windows of the house.
I can't see anything until her ashen face appears in the living room window.
Her porch door flies open a second later and her face crumples as she stands there.
“Brad.” It's a croaked plea that I'm unable to withstand and I shove the officer off me with a strength I didn't know I possessed to sprint up her driveway.
No sooner than I reach the door does she fling herself at me and wrap her arms around my neck in a vice. One I never want to loosen.
Her whole body shakes as she breaks down in my arms, and I feel both lost and anchored at the same time. All I can do is hold her tight, one hand cupping the back of her head and the other rubbing slow circles on her back.
“What happened?” I ask quietly. I don't even know who I'm directing the question at, I just need someone to fill me in so my mind can stop filling in the blanks with worst-case scenarios.