Chapter 17 – Beth
I don’t want to leave Shane, but I know my mom is right. I need to see Luke and reassure him everything is okay—or at least as okay as it can be right now. And I need to hold my baby girl.
I walk over to the bed and lean down to kiss Shane’s forehead. “I’m going home for a quick visit to see the kids and shower. I won’t be gone long. Cooper will be here with you.”
I pull back to study his sleeping face, my gaze tracing his familiar features—his forehead, his brow, his shuttered eyes, his nose.
His lips. How many times have those lips caressed mine?
How many times have those lips skimmed my body, from head to toe, giving me mind-blowing pleasure?
Right now, I’d give anything to see those lips curve up in a smile.
I brush my fingertip across his cheek, tracing the line where his trim beard meets his cheekbone. “I’ll be back soon.” I lean down to whisper in his ear. “I love you, Shane.” I want to say more, but my throat aches.
Tears burn a path down my cheeks as I press a light kiss to his lips.
“All right,” I say to my mom, whose own eyes are glittering with tears. I straighten and take a deep breath. “Let’s go.”
After hugging Cooper goodbye, I follow Mom out of the room, and we head to the waiting room, where our friends and family congregate.
I don’t think I’ve ever been hugged so many times, patted on the back, had so many words of sympathy and comfort whispered in my ear.
This is our family, our big, often boisterous, and always loving family.
Shane’s father is here. My brother and his husband are here.
All of Shane’s siblings are here, even Hannah who just arrived from Colorado.
Looming close behind her is Killian Devereaux, her tall Cajun husband.
Hannah steps forward to hug me. “He’s going to be fine,” she whispers fiercely in my ear.
Someone with a familiar face steps out from behind Hannah’s tall husband, Killian, and gives me a sad, bittersweet smile.
“Gabrielle!” I cry, glad to see my friend and former housemate. She hasn’t changed a bit—tall and slender, with a long braid of red hair and a sweetly round, freckled face.
Gabrielle relocated from Chicago to Bryce, Colorado, a couple of years ago to manage the restaurant at Hannah and Killian’s wilderness lodge. There, she met the love of her life, John Burke, the stoic cowboy with the scarred face who stands at her side.
My heart aches at the unexpected appearance of my dear friend.
I was living in my brother’s Hyde Park townhouse with Gabrielle when I first met Shane.
She was with me from the very beginning of my relationship with him.
She witnessed all of our early ups and downs, as well as our first and only breakup.
In the beginning, she openly distrusted him and his motives, but over time, she realized what Shane and I had was genuine.
“Oh, Beth.” Gabrielle wraps her arms around me. “I’m so sorry.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat, not wanting to cry here in front of so many people. I need to put on a strong face, for Shane and for his family. “I’m so glad you’re here. Thanks for coming.”
Gabrielle gives me a squeeze. “We came as soon as we could get a flight out. How is he?”
“He’s—” The words die in my throat. I was going to say he’s alive, but that sounds so incredibly inadequate.
She pats my back. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”
I glance around at all of the people in the waiting room who are here for Shane.
“Thank you all for being here,” I say, my voice breaking. “Your support means the world to me.”
Joe Rucker comes up to me, his expression somber. “Ingrid tells me you’d like to go home for a bit. I’d be happy to drive you. I brought your mother here.”
I squeeze his big hand. “Thank you, Joe. That would be great.”
* * *
The minute I walk into my house, Luke rushes me.
“Mama!” He throws himself against my legs and wraps his arms around my knees. “Where have you been?”
I pick him up and carry him into the kitchen, where I sit him on the island. He’s got tears in his eyes.
He reaches out to grasp my arms. “Mama, I missed you!”
“I missed you, too, sweetie.” I lean forward to kiss his forehead.
“Where have you been?” He glances toward the foyer. “Where’s Daddy?”
I’m not sure where to begin because I don’t know how much, if anything, Luke knows at this point.
Annie comes up beside me, holding Ava, who’s on the verge of tears. When Ava reaches for me, I take her from Annie and settle her on my hip.
Annie whispers to me. “He knows Daddy is in the hospital because he got hurt.”
I nod to Annie. “Thanks.” When I meet Luke’s gaze, my heart breaks all over again. He adores Shane. I can’t imagine how shattered Luke would be if Shane doesn’t come home.
Ava is clinging to me and crying now.
Annie steps in and takes her from me. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s go play with Evvy and Emmy.” Annie’s own two-year-old twin daughters are in the family room playing with their brother, Aiden.
“Mama, where is Daddy?” Luke asks. His lower lip trembles as he tries not to cry.
I cup his face and gaze into his baby blues. “Sweetie.” The words die in my throat. I can’t tell this sweet child that his father’s life is hanging in the balance, that he took a bullet meant for me, but I have to tell him something. “Daddy got hurt and he’s in the hospital.”
“How did he get hurt?”
Oh, God.
“He got hurt when he was getting out of the car.”
“Did he fall down?”
“Yes.” At least that much is true. He fell at my feet, bleeding profusely with a bullet hole in his abdomen.
“Is he okay?”
“The doctors are taking good care of him.”
Luke frowns at my less than forthcoming answers. “When will he come home?”
“He’ll come home when he’s all better.”
“When will that be?”
I don’t know how to answer that. No one does.
Mom comes up behind me and gives Luke a big smile. “Daddy will be home as soon as he can,” she says in a chipper voice as she runs her hand over his hair. “He misses you so much, and he can’t wait to come home to see you.”
That elicits a smile from Luke. “Can I go see him?”
I wasn’t really expecting that, and I’m running out of half-answers.
“Not right now, honey,” Mom says. “Your mama needs to take a shower and change her clothes. Maybe another time, okay?”
“Okay,” Luke says, sounding only partially mollified.
My mom nudges me. “Go do what you need to do. I’ve got this.”
While Mom and Joe distract Luke, I run to my bedroom and take the quickest shower ever. Then I change clothes and pack an overnight bag to last me at least a few more days.
When I return to the kitchen, I see Luke in the family room playing cars with Aiden. Fortunately, the boys’ backs are to me, so Luke doesn’t notice me. My mom’s giving Ava a bottle, and Annie’s reading to the twins.
Although I feel guilty about it, I’m going to sneak out of the house while my kids are distracted. I glance at Joe, who’s waiting patiently in the foyer. He gestures to the door, and when I nod, he quietly opens it. I follow him outside.
“I just can’t handle his tears or his questions right now,” I say as I follow Joe to the Escalade. “Does that make me a terrible mother?”
Joe opens the front passenger door for me. “No, Ms. Beth. It doesn’t. You’re doin’ the best you can for that boy under the circumstances.”
The drive back to the hospital is nerve wracking because I’m counting the minutes I’ve been gone—forty-five.
Anything could have happened in that time.
Shane’s blood pressure could have dropped again, or he might have started spiking a fever from infection.
And then I have a horrifying thought. What if his doctors decided to bring him out of sedation, and I wasn’t there?
I don’t know what I was thinking. I never should have left him.
As soon as we arrive at the hospital, I head straight to Shane’s ICU room. When I step inside, I find Cooper seated in my chair, reading something on his phone. Shane is just as I left him, still sedated, still lying quietly. Only the sound of beeping machines indicates he’s still with us.
Cooper stands to give me back my seat.
Before I sit, I lean over to kiss Shane’s forehead. “I’m here,” I say to him. “I’m right here.”
As I take my seat, Cooper fills me in.
“Nothing new,” he says. “A nurse came in to change his bandages. No sign of infection, but his temperature is up a bit, so they’ve put him on an antibiotic as a precaution. How’s everything at home?”
“About as good as can be expected under the circumstances. The kids are okay. Luke was upset. He’s wondering where Shane is.
I told him Shane got hurt and was in the hospital so he could get better.
He asked to see him. Mom told him maybe later.
I didn’t exactly lie to Luke, but I certainly took liberties with my answers to his questions.
And then, when the kids were distracted, I snuck out of the house.
” I gaze up at Cooper. “I feel awful. I lied to my son. I told him Shane got hurt because he fell down.”
“That’s not entirely a lie,” Cooper says. “He did fall.”
Cooper and I both turn when the door opens and in walks Dr. Markowski. My pulse picks up as I hope she has some good news for us.
Because I can’t take anymore bad news.