Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Pausing I admire how competent Korren is after a few lessons. He’s a natural in this environment. It surprised me. Our garish neon orange earplugs mute the sound of the heavy equipment. I shake my head to indicate I couldn’t hear him.
“You’re so sexy when you use a bandsaw,” he yells over the sound.
“Shut up, you’re going to make me screw up.” Giggling, I struggle to keep the wood steady as I finish tracing the curve of the dress for the princess prop. We’ve been in the workshop all afternoon working to finish. It’s the final of the two princess props for Moana and Tiana.
“What? I can’t compliment my girl.”
I smile wider, feeling like my face is going to split in two. He started calling me his one week after Thanksgiving, and I haven’t corrected him once. Why would I when I like it so much?
“You can after work is done.”
“Such a hard ass, Pepper.”
“One of us has to keep us on track.”
“Hey. I keep us on task plenty.”
“In the bedroom, maybe.” Turning off the saw, I wipe the sweat from my brow and lift my safety goggles. “That was it. Last one.”
Walking up, he kisses me. “Good job. Let’s brush them off, and I’ll start sketching them out.”
“Knock knock.” My mom opens the door and pokes her head inside.
“You have a visitor.”
“Me?” I ask, shocked.
“Yes, ma’am, it’s Dar.”
“Go ahead. I’ll get the signs blocked out.”
“Alright. I’ll try to make it quick.”
“Take your time. I know how you two are when you get together.” He pulls the pencil from behind his ear and gets to work. Slipping into a creative space, he’s already locked into the zone. The tip of his tongue sticks out. I take a moment to admire his intense expression.
Mom clears her throat.
“Right, the guest.” I smile bashfully.
Removing my apron, I hang it on a peg and brush off my clothes before following her into the house.
“Dar, what’s going on?”
“Brie insisted I come here and call.” She rolls her eyes, and I laugh.
“Sounds like her. Let’s see what she’s done now.”
I bring her to my room, and we play the video chat.
“Hello, beautiful ladies.” Brie appears on the screen, all smiles and flushed.
Whatever this is, it’s good.
“Hey, Cheesy. How’s it going?”
“You two are looking at a certified cheese monger.”
“Congratulations!” We whistle and clap, and she beams.
“And,”—she holds up a hand, silencing us—“I am also the new owner of Holy Cow Cheese Company at 615 Main Street, Chance Falls.”
“What! You rented that space?” I explode.
She laughs. “Dad helped pay for the first year. The rest is up to me to maintain.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us,” Dar says.
“I was worried it wouldn’t pan out. You know I can be superstitious.” She shrugs.
“When do you get to come home? I ask.
“So, the crazy thing. A week. I tested out early to be back home and start launching my life. I feel like I’ve been a student my entire life.”
“You were busy becoming an expert and gaining experience. That takes time,” Dar says.
“Yeah. Yeah. No need to butter me up, Murphy.” Brie smirks.
I snicker. “I can’t believe we’ll all be in the same place again,” Dar says.
“Right? We’ll finally get to live life the way we always imagined we would, together,” Brie adds.
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve settled in nicely. It was touch and go for a while, but I have never seen you happier,” Brie continues.
“Yes. Korren solidified it,” Dar nods.
The finality in their words makes my stomach ache. “This isn’t where I saw myself building a life.”
“Does it matter if it has everything you wanted?” Dar challenges. Her stern voice surprises me.
“My father’s store isn’t my dream.”
“Because you refuse to let yourself change it. I know you have plans. Why haven’t you put any of them into action?” Brie backs her up, reading me like a book. She is direct and honest.
“Because it’s not what we do here.” The answer is weak, even to my ears.
“No, it wasn’t done. Now that it’s yours, you can change it as you see fit.” Dar’s soft-spoken words make my skin itch.
“It’s not that easy.”
Brie and Dar sigh. They’ve had a side conversation about this before.
“What’s so wrong with Chance Falls?” Brie asks.
“I’m not free here. My family legacy and expectations bind me like a rope.”
“You’re strong. You can break those,” Dar says.
“Don’t let the anger with your father ruin the best thing you’ve ever found.” Brie is ruthless. I step away from the phone.
“You’ve tried to prove your worth to your father your entire life. Now the keys to the kingdom are in your hands. What are you going to do with them?” Brie crosses her arms over her chest.
My throat tightens. I can’t fault them. So why does staying feel like failure? Like my father, and this town with its legends and lore, will win after all.
“I’m not sure that who I want to be can exist here.”
“You might want to figure that out fast,” Brie whispers.
I turn to see Korren and my mother in the doorway. Silence stretches out like a rubber band ready to snap.
“I need to head home. I ran out of paint.”
“Korren.” My voice shakes.
“No.” He holds up his hand and walks away.
The disappointment on my mother’s face guts me. I open my mouth, and close it unable to form sentences. He’s leaving. Frozen I try to wrap my head around what occurred.
“Go after him,” Brie and Dar whisper. Their words free me. I sidestep my mother and race through the house. Scrambling down the front porch, I grab his arm. He’s already halfway to his car.
“I never meant for you to hear that.” Scared ramblings have nothing to do with actual decision-making.
“That I’m not worth staying for, you mean?”
The words are daggers to my heart. He is everything, doesn’t he know that?
“No. That’s not how it is.”
“Isn’t it?” he challenges.
“You don’t understand—” I exhale.
“Then explain it to me. Because it sure feels personal.”
“I’m not allowed to be my true self here.”
“Why?”
“Because any change I attempt is met with resistance.”
“From whom, Phil? People love your ideals. I’ve seen you create things for everyone but yourself.
Do you know what I think? You’re afraid.
It’s understandable. I get it. But when it holds you prisoner, there’s nothing anyone can do to help you until you’re ready to face it head-on.
We’re traveling in two different directions.
I need someone willing to put me first, the same way I do them. ”
“Kor—”
“No. There’s no need for guilt. We both have our reasons for feeling the way we do. I don’t regret the time we spent together. But I can’t do aimless dating anymore.”
“It was never aimless,” I protest weakly.
“I’m looking for forever. I want the house with the picket fence, two and a half kids, and a town that feels like home.”
Each word is a heavy blow. Speaking my dreams out loud. It’s like I’m watching a nightmare unfold. The massive lump in my throat prevents me from speaking.
“I need some time before we can be friends.”
“Don’t do this, Korren. We have something good.”
“I can’t wait, hoping things will work out one day when you have one foot out the door.”
“I’ll finish our birthday project through your dad, because I have to choose myself first this time, Phil. I need you to understand that.”
He walks to his car, and I collapse on the porch, sobbing. What did I just do?
Dar comes and sits beside. Wrapping her arms around me, she pulls my upper body into her lap. “If you don’t make it right with that man, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”
Denying the truth is no longer an option. “I love him, Dar.”
“I know, babe. It’s about time you did too.”
“I don’t know what to do.” I hiccup.
“I think you do.” She strokes her fingers through my hair.
The truth is painful. I’m not strong enough to confront the things I’ve run from for far too long today. But tomorrow is a different story.
The next day, I shuffle into the kitchen where Dad’s drinking coffee, feeling like a truck has hit me, and I have a sorrowful hangover that’s reminiscent of my first breakup in high school.
Still dressed in my red flannel pajamas with my head wrapped up in a silk bonnet, I’m ready to cut the strings holding me hostage.
“Dad, I need to talk to you.”
He sets his mug of black coffee on the counter. “Is this about last night? Lots of drama around here.”
“In a way, yes.”
“I’ll just go take my morning walk,” Mom whispers. I smile at her as she leaves us alone.
“How can I help? For what it’s worth. I do like that young man. Couples have disagreements, you know?”
“I do. This is about us, though.”
He pats the chair beside him at the round kitchen table. “Have a seat.”
I sink and exhale. “You always thought I didn’t see a future here, but I couldn’t because I was trapped by your shadow.”
“What?”
“Having a legacy like ours is daunting. And your hold has always been an iron grip. I don’t want to run things the way you did.
But it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to be part of Joiner's history altogether. That inability to yield, to see ahead to the future, or to allow me a turn at making it the best it can be is why I never came back after college. I didn’t feel like we could exist in the same space as our authentic selves. ”
He stares at me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Back then, you shot down everything I said if it contradicted your vision. It was always about you and your perception of the legacy. “
“I ran my child off.” His voice shakes.
“If I’m going to be happy here, I need you to trust me. Let me make this space my own. Can’t we agree to believe we both know what’s best for Joiner’s? We just come at it from different directions?”
“I understand better than you know.” He looks shell-shocked. “I didn’t mean for things to get this bad. I just wanted to protect what our ancestors built and prevent the pain I suffered.”
“What are you talking about, Dad?”
Putting my hands in my lap, I look at him. “I wanted to be an actor.”
“What?” I whisper.
“Not the ones you see on television. I loved the theater, and I was good at it. Your grandfather hated it. Just like you, I was an only child. He saw the end of our legacy in my passion.”
“What happened?” I whisper.
“I fell in love with your mother, and she was bound to this town as much as I was. So, I switched my theater major to my minor.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
“It felt like a silly pipe dream. Making a living from the theater is rare.”
“Dad.”
“I know.” He ducks his head. “I was a hypocrite. I repeated the same cycle because I was too absorbed in thinking about the business. It’s not what I want for our relationship. It’s time to change that now. When I was down in that coma, I saw things that changed my way of thinking.”
It’s the first time he’s talked about his time in the hospital with me.
“Like what?”
“People in our family who’ve already passed. Wispy beings, unlike anything I have ever seen. I felt like it communicated with me through emotions.” He stares at a spot above my shoulder, but I know he’s remembering that moment.
“Why?”
“It convinced me things would be okay. It was time to slow down and step up in the community. The elders on the council are getting up there in age. Once the doc clears me, I’m going to volunteer.”
“That’s incredible, Dad. I didn’t know you had any interest in the town’s politics.”
“I realized there are more ways to help Chance Falls succeed. This task belongs to the group; it was never meant to be the sole responsibility of one person or one family. I think it’s been part of our decline.”
The wisdom in his words is mind-blowing. What happened to him while he was in a coma was real, because the person I knew before couldn’t understand things on such a large scale.
“I’m going to be here to support you and help where I can. But Joiner’s future is in your hands now, assuming you want it.”
“I do.” The words resonate strongly with me.
“Good.” He grins and slaps his hands on his thighs. “I love you, kid. We’ll get this figured out. Your happiness matters. I’m sorry I made you feel otherwise.”
A weight lifts from my shoulders. There’s more work to be done before I can make this right.