Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” Rye asks at the bar.
“Nothing to say. She’s not sure if she wants to stay local. I know I don’t plan on leaving.” I stare at the round ice cube slowly melting in the scotch. Normally, spirits aren’t my drink of choice, but today beer isn’t cutting it.
“And you’re going to let her go?” Bridger asks skeptically.
“As opposed to what? Chasing her down and begging her to stay. Or maybe waiting? Getting even more invested and watching her leave?” I throw back the rest of my drink.
I hate the Christmas lights twinkling merrily around the bar. Nothing feels festive to me this month. It’s all I can do to drag myself out of bed and function in polite society. Garland lines the bar and wraps down the beams. The mistletoe hanging in the doorway is a slap in the face.
“From where I stand, you already are,” Bridger mumbles.
“If it helps, she’s worse,” Fletcher adds.
“It doesn’t.” I sigh. “I don’t want her to be in pain.” My heart aches now for a different reason.
“Are you two still trying to avoid each other?” Bridger asks.
“I thought you were bringing me out to cheer me up, not to interrogate me.” I glare at them.
“Hey man, we’re just worried.” Rye tries to be diplomatic and smooth things over.
“It was a good question, cause the girls are headed in here right now,” Fletch adds sympathetically.
“Of course they are.” I push my drink away. “I was done anyway.”
“You can’t run every time she shows up, you know?” Bridger tilts his head.
“This town is tiny. Why make it more difficult than it already is?”
His hazel eyes are round. “You love her.”
I smile sadly. Denying it would be foolish at this point.
“Thanks for the drink, boys. I’ll see you at poker night this weekend at the cabin.” Rapping my knuckles on the bar, I stand waving at Shipley, who nods in acknowledgment. I toss cash down and move to leave.
I keep my gaze fixed on the door, ignoring the temptation to get a glimpse of the woman permanently tattooed in my brain. Reaching the door, I step outside. I inhale shakily. She’s a sore point that’s going to take a long time to heal.
“Korren.”
Her voice stops me in my tracks. I turn to face her. I can’t let her watery gaze move me.
“What do you need, Phil?” I struggle to keep my voice even.
“It used to be, Pepper.” Her lower lip trembles.
“It can’t be right now.” I ball my hands to keep from reaching out and touching her. Soothing her will only lead us back to where we were.
“I don’t want to chase you out of every space we share.” Laced with pain, her soft voice guts me.
“It won’t be like this forever.” I keep my gaze on my feet. It’s easier when I can’t see her.
“Look at me.”
Bracing myself, I look up. Her red-rimmed eyes tear at my soul. The deep sadness is an emotion I share.
“I don’t want this,” she whispers.
I sigh. “Neither do I.”
“I wasn’t thinking when I said that.” She reaches for me. I move away, and she drops her arms. We stand outside the entrance of the pub at an impasse.
“Maybe not, but it was your truth.” I meet her wounded gaze.
“No, it was a fear response,” she whispers.
I need more. “Of who? Me?”
“Standing up to my father. Changing the store after years of pushback against trying new things. You’ve been here long enough to get how serious tradition is. Life without you in it has been miserable.”
I study her, afraid to hope.
“Let’s not make this harder. I accept your apology.”
“Kor—”
“I’m not ready to talk about this, Phil. I don’t want to say anything I don’t mean, and I can’t take back.”
She rocks away from me, and I feel like a monster. “Just know I spoke with my dad. I cleared things up with him. You helped me get to that point. And I. I do choose you.” Her voice cracks.
“Go back inside.” I count to three. “Please.”
Forlorn, she backs away from me. When a tear rolls down her cheek, I turn away, doubting my resolve. Maybe I should’ve heard her out. No.
I can’t forget how it felt to hear her tell her friends she couldn’t be the person she wanted to be here. She was so certain.
When I hear the door open, I look up and watch to make sure she’s safely inside before I go to my car.
I feel worse than I did before I came out. It’s been a few weeks, but things haven’t improved. How long does it take to purge someone from your heart?
She can’t help that her needs differ from my own. I came here; she was bullied into staying. Lifting my head, I let the chilly wind beat against my face. Inside the jeep, I’m numb as I make the drive to the cabin.
Stepping out, I find Uncle Ralph on the front porch. Pipe smoke curls up, and the small glow of fire from the chiminea beside him illuminates his wizened face.
“It’s been a long time since you had your lady friend over.”
“We parted ways.” I glance down at the ground.
“Well, I hate to hear that. The two of you were good together.”
“Yeah, I thought so too.” Climbing the steps, I move to sit in the rocking chair on the other side of him. “She doesn’t want to stay in town.”
“Nearly all of us natives got that wandering fever at some point.” He pushes off, rocking the seat back and forth.
“Even you?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“So why didn’t you go?”
“Found something worth staying for. The shop, my parents, and friends. All the special things I knew I wouldn’t find anywhere else.”
“I wish it were that simple for her.” Resting my head against the back of the chair, I let the rocking rhythm soothe me.
“It might be. If you think she might be the one, you can’t just give up on her. You need to remind her of what’s here that she can’t find anywhere else.”
“I don’t want to keep her here only to have her resent me and this place later.”
He puffs on his pipe. “Do you love this girl?”
“She’s my heart,” I answer without hesitation.
“Then fight for her. If you don’t, I guarantee you’ll regret it. Does she know you love her?”
“I think so.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Have you told her? A woman needs to hear certain things in no uncertain terms.”
“We never got that far.”
“That means you’re working on the assumption of like, not love, then. It’s not the same thing. Love can make miracles happen. It moves mountains and calms raging seas. Like is flimsy, fickle. It can be tossed about when the winds of trouble blow through.”
Is it possible she doesn’t know how I feel? I was expecting a permanent decision when I hadn’t put all my cards on the table.
“You’re getting it now. I think.”
“Maybe so. I think I’ll take a walk and clear my mind.”
He grunts. “Make sure you grab one of those lanterns on the porch. The woods can play tricks on you this late at night.”
“Yes, sir.” I grab a pack of matches out of the tin we keep beside the chair, and an old camping lantern. Lighting the wick, I head out on the path. Stepping over knotty roots poking up from the ground, fallen small trees, and moss-covered rocks.
The cold ground crunches under the tread of my boots.
Getting my blood pumping helps loosen the tension in my spine and untangle the cluster of thoughts in my mind.
Was I upset that she didn’t find courtship a powerful enough reason to stay?
I know she had a long-term engagement that fell through. How was I offering her more security?
Looking at things from her side has me questioning my decision.
She’d reached out to me tonight, not the other way around.
And I pushed her away. Stomach clenching, I continue deeper into the woods.
She’s not the only one afraid. I went with my knee-jerk reaction, shutting her down before she could hurt me.
Can I blame her for doing the same? We jumped around with our strange courtship and skipped the important conversations. Maybe now it’s time for a real talk.
I need to figure out what I’m going to say to her.
Damn, I must’ve made her feel so abandoned.
How the hell do I make up for that and regain her trust?
It took a lot for her to approach me tonight, and I sent her away without listening.
Chest tightening, I walk faster. How am I going to handle it if she shuts me down? Do I just call it a loss and eat it?
My entire being balks at the thought. I trip on something and stumble.
“Careful there, friend.”
I look up, shocked to see the strange man from before.
Looking around, I’m surprised to see I’m back at the same spot.
What is it about this place that draws me in?
I peer at the water winking up at me happily from the moon light reflected on its surface.
I’m tempted to throw a stone in to mar its perfection.
Crickets chirp happily and frogs croak, oblivious to my dark mood.
He reaches out his hand. I take it, almost expecting my hand to pass through his. His lip quirks as if he could hear my thoughts.
“You seemed lost in thought.”
“Yeah, I was.”
“Care to share? Makes the load less to carry.” Fireflies begin to appear around us.
“I think I made a mistake with the woman I love.” It’s easier to admit it to a stranger under the star filled sky.
“Ahhh. Woman problems. Beautiful, mysterious creatures, like flowers, they take special handling to thrive.”
“She’s a summer flower, and I hit her with an unexpected cold snap.” Miserable I exhale, and let my head hang. Water splashes. I glance up and see something silvery catch the moonlight.
“Which means you have to thaw her slowly, so she doesn’t die from the frost. Give the summary. I’m good at solving problems.”
“Why would you want to help?” I ask suspiciously.
“She’s townsfolk, isn’t she?” Is that a slight accent I hear?
“She is a Joiner.”
“Ahhh. A founding family.”
Who is this man?
“That’s right.”
“Then we want to keep her with us, don’t we? I’m not ignorant of the fact that we’re losing the younger ones by the droves. Takes people to keep a place healthy.” He shrugs.
“What are you, a town council member?” I snicker.
“You could say that? At least in this wooded area. I care about what goes on here, and I like you.”
That seems important. Despite my doubts, I find myself telling him our story. He doesn’t make me feel judged, but I sense a keen interest. It’s almost as if he’s observing human nature. I can’t help but think about the legends floating around town. I know better than to ask, though.
“You have to speak to her heart.”
“What do you mean?”
“Show her you see her, and bare your soul. Women know when we’re holding back. They’re intuitive that way, and your young lady is more special than you can imagine. They’re built a bit differently out here.”
“You make it sound easy.”
He shakes his head. “No. It requires putting your head on the chopping block and hoping she doesn’t bring down the executioner’s axe.”
I rub my throat. “Grim.”
He nods. “You have to be willing to lose everything because the chance of having her is the most important thing.”
“How the hell do I do that?” I mumble more to myself than to him.
“That’s for you to figure out. I give the advice, but I can’t create the steps for you.”
I laugh at the exasperation in his tone.
“Sit here with the moon. Ask it to help you, and when you feel like it’s heard, go home. It’ll come.”
The craziest thing about his words is that I believe him. I nod.
“Good man. Save me a spot at your wedding.” Winking, he slips off, leaving me standing beside the shore.
The clouds move away from the moon, and I study the luminous orb.
I feel silly spilling my guts, but there’s something freeing about it at the same time.
Spent. I wait. An owl hoots in the distance, and I know I’ve been heard. Now I wait for the answers.