29. Kieran
TWENTY-NINE
KIERAN
For a long time, neither of us moved.
I stood in Thane's arms with my face pressed against his chest while his heartbeat thudded steadily beneath my ear. The conversation that had shattered me open and stitched me back together again was finally over.
His arms tightened around me, and I closed my eyes and let myself lean into him. I wasn't holding anything back. I wasn't bracing for goodbye. I wasn't waiting for him to change his mind. Instead, I trusted the future he was asking me to believe in.
Thane brushed a kiss against my temple. Then another against my forehead. The simple tenderness of it nearly undid me all over again.
"You okay?" he asked quietly.
A laugh escaped me. It sounded watery and exhausted and completely unlike myself. "I don't know."
His hand moved slowly up and down my back. "Fair answer."
I smiled against his shirt. Nothing about today had been easy. A few hours ago, I had been prepared to lose him. Now I was standing in the middle of my apartment listening to the man I loved tell me he wanted a future with me. The shift felt almost impossible to comprehend.
I lifted my head. "I really made a mess of this, didn't I?" I asked.
The corner of his mouth lifted. "You tried to break up with me because you were afraid I'd love you, and someday I'd stop choosing you."
I groaned and covered my face with one hand. "When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous."
“Baby, it sounds like you were scared." His smile softened. Then he cupped my jaw. “Kier." His thumb brushed across my cheek. "You don't have to be the only person looking out for you anymore."
The words settled somewhere deep inside me. The hurt was still there. The memories were still there. But for the first time, they didn't feel quite so heavy.
I leaned forward and kissed him. Slowly. Deliberately. There wasn't a reason beyond the simple truth that I wanted to kiss him. He was here. He loved me. I loved him.
His hand slid into my hair as he kissed me back.
The kiss deepened by degrees. Not rushed. Not hungry. There was no desperation in the way his mouth moved against mine, no frantic grasping. This was rediscovery, slow and deliberate—the taste of him familiar and new at the same time.
I tilted my head and opened for him, and his tongue slid against mine with a wet, velvet heat that made my knees give a little. My hands found the front of his shirt, fisting the fabric, tugging him closer until there was nothing between us but breath and want.
Thane made a sound low in his throat. Not quite a groan, more like relief. Like he'd been holding something heavy and was finally setting it down.
"I thought I was going to lose us," I whispered against his mouth.
"You didn't."
"I know. I know now." I pulled back just enough to see his eyes—dark, soft, locked on mine. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you."
"You trusted me enough to tell me the truth." His thumb traced my jaw. "That's what matters."
I kissed him again. Quicker this time, but no less real. A promise sealed with heat.
"I want to show you," I said.
"Show me what?"
"How much I trust you. How much I want this. How much I want you."
His breath caught. I watched understanding settle into his features, watched his pupils widen as the air between us thickened. His hand slid from my jaw to the back of my neck, fingers threading through my hair.
"You don't have to prove anything to me," he said. "I already know."
"I'm not trying to prove anything." I reached for the bottom of his shirt, my fingers grazing the warm skin above his waistband. "I want to feel it. With you. All of it. No walls, no guards, no waiting for the other shoe to drop."
Thane searched my eyes. Then he nodded slowly. "Okay."
He pulled his shirt over his head in one smooth motion, and I let myself look at him.
Today I wasn't wondering how long I had before everything changed.
Instead, I saw only him—the broad slope of his shoulders, the soft dusting of hair across his chest, the way his stomach tightened when I pressed my palm flat against his heart.
"I love you," I said.
His eyes went liquid. "I love you too, Kier."
I kissed him again as I pushed his jeans down his hips. He stepped out of them, kicking them aside, and then his hands were on me—sliding under my shirt, pushing it up, stripping it away in one fluid motion. The cool air hit my skin, but I didn't shiver. I was already burning.
"Bed?" he asked.
"Yeah."
We moved together, shedding the last of our clothes as we went.
His boxers hit the floor near the end of the hallway.
My socks got lost in the dark of the bedroom.
By the time we reached the mattress, we were both naked, both breathing hard, both trembling with something that felt bigger than our pure need.
Thane lowered me onto the bed and followed me down. His body covered mine, his weight pressing me into the sheets. A comfort, an anchor, a promise I could feel in every point of contact. His cock pressed against my thigh, hard and heavy, and I arched into him, needing him closer.
"Tell me what you need," he said against my throat.
"You. Just you."
He kissed down my neck, slow and deliberate, his tongue tracing the column of my throat before his teeth grazed my collarbone. I gasped. My fingers tangled in his hair, holding him there as his mouth moved lower.
He took his time. Each kiss was a question, each lick an answer. When he reached my chest, he circled my nipple with his tongue before drawing it into his mouth. The suction was perfect—firm enough to send a jolt straight to my groin, gentle enough to make me moan.
"Fuck," I breathed.
He hummed against my skin, and I felt the vibration everywhere.
His hand drifted lower, dragging across my stomach, fingers brushing through my pubic hair before wrapping around my cock.
I was already hard, leaking against his grip, and he stroked me slow and steady, matching the rhythm of his mouth on my chest.
I couldn't do anything but feel. The heat of his breath, the slick glide of his palm, the way his thumb swiped across the head of my cock, spreading the moisture that had gathered there. My hips bucked into his hand, and he groaned in approval.
"Look at me," he said.
I forced my eyes open. His face was flushed, his lips swollen, his eyes dark with hunger.
"I want to watch you fall apart," he said. "I want to remember every second of this."
"Then fuck me."
He kissed me hard, swallowing my moan as he positioned himself between my legs.
“I don’t want anything between us, Thane.”
The look on his face nearly undid me. He understood what I was offering. His gaze held mine, warm and searching.
"Kier?"
"I’m negative."
"Me too."
For a second, neither of us looked away.
I reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out the bottle of lube. Thane's eyes never left mine as he took it from my hand.
I heard the click of the lube bottle, felt the cool slickness of his fingers pressing against my entrance. He worked me open slowly—first one finger, curling inside me, searching. When he found my prostate, I cried out, my back arching off the mattress.
"There," I gasped. "Right there."
He added a second finger, stretching me, scissoring them apart. I was shaking, clutching the sheets, my breath coming in ragged bursts. He kept his eyes on mine the whole time, watching every twitch, every flutter of my eyelids.
"Ready?" he asked.
"Yes. God, yes."
He removed his fingers and slicked himself, his cock glistening in the dim light. Then he guided the head to my hole and pushed in.
The stretch was sharp and perfect. A burn that melted into pleasure as he sank deeper. I cried out, my hands flying to his shoulders, nails digging into his skin. He went slow, inch by inch, letting me adjust, letting me feel every millimeter of him filling me.
"Fuck, Kier," he groaned. "You feel—fuck."
I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him deeper, until his hips were flush against mine and I could feel him everywhere—inside me, around me, consuming me.
"Move," I said. "Please."
He did. The first few thrusts were slow, deep, deliberate.
He dragged against that spot inside me with every stroke, and pleasure rolled through me in powerful waves.
I clung to him, my nails raking down his back, and he groaned and picked up the pace.
The bed creaked beneath us. His breath came in ragged gasps against my throat.
The sound of skin meeting skin filled the room—wet, rhythmic, primal.
I was lost in the rhythm of him: the heat of his mouth on mine, the way he said my name like a prayer, the way his cock hit that perfect angle on every inward thrust.
"Harder," I begged.
He gave me exactly what I had asked for.
He drove into me with a force that pushed me up the mattress, and I hooked my ankles behind his back to take him deeper.
His hand found my cock again, stroking in time with his thrusts, and I was climbing, climbing, the pleasure building into something unbearable.
"Close," I gasped. "Thane, I'm—"
"Come for me."
His thumb circled the head of my cock, and that was all it took. I shattered beneath him, crying out his name as I spilled over his fingers—hot, thick, pulsing.
My body clenched around him in waves, and I felt the exact moment he lost control.
He drove into me one last time, buried to the hilt, and came with a desperate groan.
I felt his release flooding me. Warm, endless, his cock twitching inside me as he emptied himself.
His whole body shuddered against mine, and I held him through it, my hands stroking his back, my lips pressing kisses to his temple.
We stayed tangled together as the aftershocks faded.
His weight pressed me into the mattress, and I didn't want him to move.
I didn't want this moment to end. The sweat cooling on our skin, the mingled scent of sex and warmth, the steady thud of his heartbeat against my chest—I memorized every detail.
Eventually, he pulled out and rolled onto his side, gathering me against his chest. His hand traced lazy patterns on my hip, fingers skating over the curve of my ass.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey."
"I meant what I said. Every word."
I pressed a kiss to his chest, right over his heart. "I know." I closed my eyes and let myself believe it. His arm tightened around me.
"Good."
We lay there in the quiet, the Christmas lights from outside casting amber shadows on the ceiling.
I could feel his breath evening out, feel the slow relaxation of his muscles as he softened against me.
My hand drifted down between us, brushing through the damp hair at his groin, and I smiled when I felt him twitch.
"Round two?" I murmured.
He laughed, low and tired. "Give me five minutes."
I kissed his jaw. "I'll be here."
And I would be. Not just tonight, but tomorrow and the day after and all the days we had. For the first time in my life, I wasn't waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was just lying in the arms of the man I loved, feeling the future open up in front of us—one heartbeat at a time.