Chapter Twenty-One
The moment Tomas reaches the kitchen, I ask Albert an innocuous question about an ornament on the Christmas tree to make him look the other way. Then, I crush the letter into a ball and sneak it into my pocket.
‘Which decoration?’ asks Albert as he turns back to look at me.
‘Oh, that one,’ I point. ‘I thought it was a snowball, but now I can see that it’s a swan. Sorry. You know, we saw some swans on the canal.’
‘Yes, Tomas told me what a nice time you two had on the boat. But, you may need to get your eyes checked if you think that’s a snowball,’ laughs Albert.
Tomas told him how nice it was? What else did he say?
Although, more importantly, I breathe a sigh of relief about the letter being safe. I am sure Aunt Grace wouldn’t want to embarrass me like that in front of Tomas.
The good thing is that at least I have some forewarning that she is discussing the two of us, and now I can screen the letters before I read them.
I lift out a letter that was lying underneath the one that is now safely in my pocket. I almost start shaking when I read the words. I look at Albert and Tomas, who are staring at me intently, waiting for me to speak.
‘Sorry, I need some coffee.’
I feel my hand shake as I put the mug back down. I am only grateful that it is not a fragile cup and saucer, or I would probably have smashed it into smithereens. I have to press the letter down on my lap to read it out loud, as I am shaking far too much to hold it in my hands.
‘15 October 1993
My dearest Marek,
How many months will it be until we will see each other? Perhaps I should start marking off the days on the calendar. I can’t wait to see you again. We’ll book somewhere special to stay in London. I know you’re saving to come over, but I am saving from here too. I want to make sure that we can have the most special time. I think we both deserve it after being apart.
Oh, Marek, can I tell you again how much I love you? I never thought I could feel like this about anyone, let alone after just a few months of knowing you. I don’t know why, but I thought love was just being with someone and knowing them inside out. What we have is nothing like that. I can’t stop thinking of you every moment of every single day. What we have is something that doesn’t come along often. This is once in a lifetime. I realise now what I have missed out on all those years I was married to Harry. I am scared of what the future will hold with our different lives, but if it is meant to be, then we will find a way.’
At this point, I stop reading aloud. I look up at Tomas, who is clearly thinking about something and smiles at me.
Then, I silently go back to the words that jumped out at me when I picked up the letter. I read over the paragraph, taking each word in like a stab in the chest.
I’ll have to tell you about my dear niece’s boyfriend one day. She’s so young, and so I pray it’s not serious with this Craig chap. I’ll tell you more soon, but she’s in for trouble if she stays with him. I do hope Tomas is more sensible when it comes to love! They are a worry, these youngsters. You just want to protect them, don’t you?
‘All this reading is making me exhausted. I think we need a break. Do you agree?’ I say.
I must stop here. I have no idea what else she will say in her letters about Craig or me. I need to read the letters alone.
‘You know, a lot of these letters are the same, really. Don’t you think? I mean… All they do is tell Marek how much she loves him. Do we need to open the rest of them? I could dispose of them all if you like. Perhaps the hotel has a shredder.’
Even as I say this, I know I am being so terribly dishonest. But these letters involve my private life now. This is different, and ultimately, they are my property.
‘You can’t shred those letters. They meant so much.’ Albert looks appalled at the suggestion, and I wonder if I should have worded it differently.
‘No, of course.’
I stare at the box and wish I had X-ray vision and could see what was in those remaining letters.
‘Okay, I’ve an idea. How about I take some of the letters back to the hotel with me? It’s just that it makes me feel so close to her reading these, and there are so many memories here. I can open them and tell you what they’re about?’ I feel a tinge of guilt as I say it.
Tomas looks at Albert and then at the box. ‘Hmm, there are a lot left to read.’
‘Sure, but if there’s anything important that we should know, you’ll tell us, right?’ says Albert.
‘Of course I will.’
Before Tomas takes me back into town for a quick look inside his new bar, I rummage through the box full of envelopes. I am desperate to find the letter that could perhaps tell me what Aunt Grace really thought about Craig, and I shove my hand around as if I am trying to find the best prize in a tombola.
I scoop up a pile of letters and stuff them safely inside my bag.
‘Okay. Are you ready to leave now?’ asks Tomas.
‘I am indeed.’
Tomas gives me one of his breathtaking smiles, and I melt. I am spending far too much time with him, and as much as I try to ignore any feelings, it is becoming harder and harder. Especially now that I have learnt Aunt Grace would have been a matchmaker between us if she could have.
When I look at Tomas with that smile of his, I wonder if that is how Aunt Grace felt when she looked at Marek. This family certainly has an irresistible genetic makeup.
We eventually say our goodbyes to Albert and head to the bar. When we get to the front door, Tomas is like a child opening a Christmas present. He seems to finally be getting over the fact that his last business failed, and I am pleased to see him so excited about the new venture. In fact, he fumbles with the keys and drops them as he is so eager to open the door for the first time. He only got them this morning from the landlord, and I can see that he can’t wait to get inside now that it is officially his.
As we stand looking around the bar, Tomas takes me by surprise by putting his arm around me. A shiver runs right through me at his touch.
Aside from how I feel about him, I’m glad of his reassuring touch as the bar looks like something from a haunted house. I wouldn’t want to be on my own in the dark in here. It’s full of dust and cobwebs. It’s as though it was forgotten in time with its old-fashioned ceiling corniches and dark wooden bar area. I’m glad I didn’t bother with the ghost walk. Who needs one of those when you can come in here?
‘So, this is my new bar. Do you like it?’ He is grinning like a Cheshire cat now.
‘It’s fabulous. I definitely see its… potential.’ His enthusiasm is infectious, and I can’t help but feel excited for his new venture, despite it clearly being a work in progress. If enthusiasm makes a business work, then he will certainly make this a success. Even though the place is covered in dust now, a little imagination is all it will take. Although I can see that it is going to take some work to get this place sorted to have a party here in two nights’ time. I don’t know how he plans on getting it ready by then, but I can’t let him do it all by himself while there is no sign of Milena or anyone else helping him.
I point over at the dilapidated bar area.
‘Please, Tomas, will you let me help you get this place sorted? I know you said you wanted me to enjoy the sights of Prague, but I’m happy to help clean up the bar for you. A bit of elbow grease, and we’ll have this place ready before you know it.’
‘No, I would feel terrible letting you help me.’
‘Not at all. Anyway, it can be a thank you for showing me around Prague and for all those coffees and the fabulous food you made for me.’
‘Hmm.’ Tomas looks over at a corner of the bar that seems like it hasn’t seen a mop for years. ‘I have to admit, there is a bit more work than I thought there would be.’
‘That’s settled then. I’ve not got anything planned for tomorrow. We can work on it all day. I’ll stop by the supermarket near the hotel and pick up some cleaning products.’
Tomas peers at me from over his glasses. It is the first time I have seen him wear them, and he really suits them. Can this man please be less perfect? It is becoming infuriating.
‘If you’re sure it’s not a problem.’
‘Not at all. I’ve had a wonderful holiday, and you have taken me on so many lovely trips around the city. The least I can do is to help you out and get the place ready for your party.’
‘Well, I appreciate that. Thank you.’
I leave Tomas to look around for a while. It’s important I return to the hotel to open the letters. I can hardly wait, and the moment I get back to my room, I throw them onto the bed and start reading.
As I guessed, many of them are in a similar vein, telling Marek all about Wales and Grace’s daily life. In one of the letters, I am shocked to learn that she had always dreamt of joining a local rock band as a backing singer, but Uncle Harry wouldn’t dream of allowing her. I knew she had a beautiful voice and belonged to a local choir up until she was almost eighty. I wonder what other dreams Uncle Harry held her back from.
21 November 1993
Dearest Marek,
I hope all the family are well there?
How’s Tomas getting on? Will he be back with you for the Christmas holiday?
After we spoke, I took your advice and told my sister Julie how worried I was about Olivia. She didn’t seem to have the same concerns as me though. She always has been wrapped up in her own world. She said it was up to Olivia what she does with her life. But I’m so worried she will end up in a marriage like I did. I don’t know why, but she seems besotted with this Craig. Something about him reminds me of Harry at that age, and that’s what scares me. I suppose that Julie is her mam, and if she isn’t worried, then perhaps I am being a bit over-protective. I can’t help it, though, when Olivia has always been like the daughter I wished I had. I just want her to have the best life and not follow in my footsteps.
Oh, Aunt Grace. You were the best aunt anyone could ever have wished for. You always cared for me so much . I think back to the beloved hobby horse she surprised me with when I had my tonsils removed. My mother wasn’t as happy as I was, though, and told her off for being irresponsible as it would mean that I would want to jump on it and hop about after just having an operation. They compromised, and Aunt Grace kept it at her place until I was fully recovered and ready to use it. If I am honest, a lot of the time I got on better with my aunt than my mother. I suppose being an aunt is easier than being a parent though.
I fold the letter up and put it in my suitcase to take home with me. There is no need for Tomas and Albert to know about this.
I am apprehensive as I pull out a letter from an opened envelope in case it contains anything else unexpected. What if there is some kind of devastating secret about my own family? But as I open the envelope, I see it is a Valentine’s letter.
12 February 1994
Dearest Marek,
Happy Valentine’s my love. I wish we were together to celebrate, like I always do when it’s any occasion. I hope it’s not long until we see each other. It’s strange, but over the past week, I’ve been having the same dream over and over again. I see your face when we said goodbye as you had to travel back home. Isn’t it weird that I keep seeing the same thing over and over? Your face is crystal clear, and you look sad. In my dream, we both hold our hands out to reach each other, but somehow, no matter how far we try to stretch, our hands just won’t touch. What do you think it means? Perhaps it is just my subconscious reminding me that you’re over there and I am here.
Or perhaps it is because I am a bit worried at the moment. Elsie is in hospital, having had a stroke. The doctors think she may need full-time care now. She won’t be able to be left alone, which means I don’t know how I can escape to London if you come over. They will provide us with carers to help, but I will have to see what happens. I am trying not to worry too much. It’s all very early days.
Oh, my dear Marek. It’s as if the universe has other plans for us sometimes. Anyway, I want you to know that I love you more than life itself. Why does life have to be complicated?
Her words remind me of how I feel about Tomas. Yes, Aunt Grace, I agree. Why does life have to be so complicated? I open up the next letter that I have and look down in shock.
16 May 1994
Dearest Marek,
I hope all the family are well.
I had to write to you as I feel you’re the only one I can confide in, and I’m in a bit of a panic. You remember how I told you that I don’t like that Craig, who Olivia is seeing?
My stomach starts churning immediately. I can already tell that I am about to learn something I might not want to know.
Well, I saw him coming out of a house not far from mine. A young woman in a Chinese-style silk dressing gown was kissing him as he left! I knew I had to tell Olivia. So, I planned on telling her when we were due to meet up the following day. She rang me and said she had important news, and I was relieved. I thought perhaps she had found out for herself what a little toad he was and wanted to tell me that she had broken up with him. What could I say when, instead, she turned up, the happiest I have ever seen her, flashing a silver engagement ring!
Oh, Marek, how my heart sank. I was torn between wanting to protect her and not wanting to spoil her wonderful news. So, I kept quiet, and I know I am so wrong. I only hope that time will show her what he really is like. What would you do?
I throw the letter down on the bed in shock. Why didn’t Aunt Grace tell me? She always wanted to protect me yet let me carry on. Of course, she dropped hints, and I always knew she was no big fan of Craig, but I just didn’t pick up on it. To think Craig was already cheating when we got engaged! Would she have told me had I not broken the news of our engagement that day? I feel sick that she never told me. Why would she not protect me from making such a big mistake? Maybe my life would have been completely different had she told me the truth. But I do understand why she didn’t want to be the one to break my heart. We were always so close, and Aunt Grace only gave me happy memories, never sad ones. She always made my dreams come true, not shattered them. I thought I had already had my fair share of surprises when I received the letter from Dewi informing me of the will. This is a completely earth-shattering one that now involves me. Although, it also makes me come to terms with the fact that Craig was always a snake and so I mustn’t waste a moment of my time on my past and must only move forward from here. I could resent Aunt Grace for not telling me, but I don’t. In a really foolish way, she was trying to stop me from getting hurt, yet it was the opposite in the long term.
That’s enough for one day. I put the letters back on the dressing table and feel a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, I am happy that Aunt Grace had such a wonderful love in her life after what she must have endured with my uncle, but the feeling is mixed with sadness because I have learnt something about my love too.