Chapter 24
What if?
Ididn’t know whether to stop them or let them fight if it came to that.
Neither man would want me to intervene. Pride and ego would make them even angrier if I stepped in between.
My brother and dad were still here. They could stop Grey and Carter without them getting more furious, but then I feared questions would arise.
I would need to explain that I’d been with both men.
That their fight was about...well, I’m not sure what it was about.
Maybe it was Grey who was mad that Carter wanted me to live with him, because he was jealous of our friendship.
Or maybe...just maybe, I didn’t want to think about what made Grey run after Carter.
Because at the end of the day, I knew undoubtedly that Grey had my back.
And for some reason, he still didn’t trust Carter.
They continued to argue, but it didn’t seem to be escalating.
It looked like Carter was defending himself, and Grey didn’t want to hear it.
After a few more tense seconds, Carter abruptly ended the conversation and ran down the beach.
Grey stared at his retreating form. When he headed back toward the condo, he must have felt me because he looked up, and we locked eyes.
Instead of walking up the stairs, he turned around and sprinted in the opposite direction from Carter.
My heart sank. He didn’t want to tell me what happened.
My best friend had never run from me in all the years we’d known each other.
He’d never been afraid to tell me the truth, even if it hurt me.
I debated whether to wait for either of them and decided it was best to ask questions later.
Tomorrow was the big homecoming game. I wanted everything to be good between Carter and me, even if it was short-lived.
Too much was riding on the line. We just decided to move in together.
We met each other’s families, and tomorrow, our families will sit together as we cheer Carter on.
I returned to my condo and rejoined my family, resolutely ignoring what I’d just seen.
I didn’t need to chase the truth. It would be revealed sooner or later.
AFTER MY PARENTS AND brother left to return to the hotel, and my sister returned to her place, Chelsea, in a rare act of unselfishness, helped me finish cleaning the kitchen.
She talked about my brother, whom she’d been crushing on since she met him when he drove up my freshman year to pick me up to drive me home.
Although flattered by her obvious attraction, my brother was in a committed relationship with a woman who later became his wife.
Tonight, he’d been friendly, not flirty with Chelsea, and seemed impressed with Carter.
“I swear he gets finer every time I see him. His wife is sooo lucky.” She grinned. “I need a man like that...who only has eyes for his woman. Unlike most of the negroes on campus.”
I wiped my wet hands on a dish towel. “I thought you weren’t looking for anything serious?”
“I’m not. But if someone like your brother came around, I would reconsider.” She picked up her glass, which still contained the margarita that Danielle had blended. “Seeing you and Carter makes me miss being in a relationship. Makes me miss Carmello.”
“Do you think you can ever forgive him? Maybe it's good he cheated now. Got it out of his system before you married him." I folded the hand towel and placed it on the sink.
Chelsea's shoulders drooped as she sipped on the alcohol. "That's dead. Just miss him sometimes, especially now. He would've been here tonight, or I would be going to see him right now. Having a boyfriend is fun until he's gone, and you're left trying to pick up the pieces of your heart."
Sometimes, I forget that she was in love for a long time and thought Carmello would be her husband.
It'd only been six weeks for Carter and me, and I felt lost that he didn't want me to spend the night with him.
I couldn't imagine how I would feel if we broke up because he cheated.
"You seemed to be bouncing back. Sorry if I haven't been here for you. "
"How could you know? You're too busy with Carter." She pouted as she leaned her butt against the counter.
"Yes, I've been busy, but don't act as if you've ever allowed me to be there for you when you hurt," I reminded her, refusing to take all the blame for not knowing her true feelings.
"Whatever, Darren. You haven't been here."
"And when you were with Carmello, I barely saw you."
"It was my idea for us to live together by the beach so we could see each other more," she retorted. "How was I supposed to know you would fall for the next-door neighbor?" She suddenly giggled. "It's kind of funny when you think about it. You wouldn't be with Carter if it weren't for me."
I slowly smiled. "Hadn't thought of it like that. Guess I owe you."
"Yep. You do. Big time. Like, see if Carter has any single friends."
"I'll ask. What about the men you've been hooking up with? Any prospects?” I took her glass and swallowed some of the drink before giving it back to her. “Like Grey?”
Her brow puckered, and her jaw tightened. The tension that barely drifted away returned. “Did Danielle say something?”
“She did. Thinks something is going on between you two.” I tried unsuccessfully to keep the accusatory tone out of my voice.
Chelsea stepped back with a slight roll of her neck. “Oh no, you can’t have both. It doesn’t concern you if anything is happening between Grey and me. Like at all.”
I argued, “It does. You are both my best friends. At least I need to know if you’re sleeping together.”
“Thought you didn’t want to know?” She placed her glass firmly on the counter.
“Well, now I do.”
Chelsea folded her arms and quirked a brow. “Why? Whether we’re fucking or not has nothing to do with you. I told you my intentions when we moved in, and you didn’t seem to mind back then.”
“I should’ve been honest. I never liked the idea of you and Grey.”
She glared. “Are you going to stop being my friend because of it? If you are, that’s fucked up because I didn’t keep my attraction a secret from you and...” Chelsea stepped in my face. “And last I heard, you have a man, and Grey is single.”
I wanted to yell that she couldn’t have him because I didn’t want anyone with him, but I couldn’t.
I did have a man. A man who loved me and wanted a future.
Grey still didn’t, no matter his deep feelings for me.
Suddenly, I wrapped my arms around her until she returned the hug.
“Sorry, Chels...I’m sorry. Just caught me off guard when my sister said she saw you together.
If you want to be together or are just kicking it, it's not my business.”
"It's okay. I'd rather not talk about Grey and me." Chelsea tightened her arms around me. “I hate that we’re slowly drifting away from each other. Grey told me that you’re moving in with Carter. This last year was supposed to be about us, not the stupid men in our lives.”
Accepting her refusal to talk about Grey, I pulled back from the embrace. “I’m still next door. We just have to make a point to spend time together.”
Her long ponytail moved with the shake of her head. “It’s not the same, especially because Carter doesn’t seem to like me and definitely can’t stand Grey. Sooner or later, we won’t matter to you anymore.”
“I won’t choose him over you. He’ll have to accept our friendship.”
“I won’t hold my breath. I know how these things work.” She shrugged before walking out of the kitchen. “Going out in a little bit. May not come back tonight, so see you at the game tomorrow.”
I sighed, looking around our condo, thinking how complicated my life had become.
It was a real mess when it was finally supposed to be easy because I had a boyfriend.
A boyfriend who slept alone because he’d been angry with me.
After, we promised not to go to bed angry, and I was about to let him forget our promise to each other.
I locked the door and walked a few feet to use his code.
The condo was quiet and still. Maybe he didn’t come home.
What if he and Grey got into it again? Or he decided that being with me wasn’t worth it and went to see some other woman.
Maybe I’d made his life more complicated, too.
I slowly opened the door, scared to see if the bed was empty.
When I stepped into the room, the bed hadn’t been slept in, and before hurt and anxiety crept in, he called my name softly from the balcony outside of his bedroom.
I smiled in relief and settled in his lap instead of the chair beside him. He pulled the blanket around us, and his clean soap scent, warmth, and slow, rhythmic breathing practically lulled me to sleep. Until Carter spoke, “Glad you didn’t listen to me. I couldn’t sleep without you.”
I whispered, “Then why didn’t you call me?”
“I’m too fucking stubborn to admit I need you.”
“Aww...bae...I have no shame in my game. I need you. Don’t want to be without you.” I kissed him, and he shifted away before I could deepen it. “Oops, forgot.” He didn’t like to have sex the night before a game.
“Probably should make you move. Your ass keeps hitting my dick, and I’m trying to have self-control.” He chuckled. “Tomorrow night, you'd better lube up. You know how I am when we win.”
Unable to ignore my gut that all wasn’t yet right with us, I pulled his chin down and stared into his dark eyes. “Are we good?”
“Yeah.” He gazed back and then closed his eyes. “I don’t know.”
My stomach lurched dangerously, and I could almost taste bile. “What do you mean?”
Carter slowly opened his eyes and dragged his hand over his wild hair. “I hate lying to you.”
“What are you lying about, Carter?” My voice sounded shrill even to my ears. The image of Grey and Carter on the beach flashed.
“Shit...you’re saying my name like you're already mad, and I haven’t said a word.” He pressed his lips against mine and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m not explaining myself right. I can’t get into it tonight. I need to focus.”
“Then why tell me that you don’t know if we’re good if you’re not ready to talk?” I huffed.
“You asked if we were good, and I had to be honest. Told myself I wouldn’t lie to you.
That I wouldn’t ever lie to you. But I can't talk right now for my sanity and peace of mind. I never expected to fall so hard for you. Knew I crushed you. That I was crazy attracted to you. That I wanted to have sex. Loving you and contemplating marriage were never in the cards. I can’t imagine my life without you, and I’m asking you to give me until Sunday.
I’ll explain whatever you need me to explain. ”
“You’re scaring me. I saw you and Grey on the beach. What were you arguing about?” I held my stomach to stop the burning.
His gaze immediately became hooded, and he clenched and unclenched his jaw several times before gruffly asking, “What did he tell you?”
“He avoided me because he didn’t want to address what I saw, and that’s not Grey. I’m trying not to be scared.” My eyes welled, and my voice trembled.
Carter curved his hands to my face. “I love you. I want to give you my name, and that’s no bullshit.
Being around your family tonight solidified my desire to grow old with you.
Be a part of them. Have a lifetime of family dinners.
Tomorrow...correction: tonight is a big night for me, and I need you by my side.
I can’t be upset, and I can’t function if you’re upset.
On Sunday, we can stay in bed all day and figure everything out, no matter how long it takes to make us right. I’m not losing you. Period.”
I numbly assented and rested my head against his chest, wondering what he had done that made him believe it was possible I wouldn’t forgive him.
My stomach churned again, and a wave of unrelenting nausea hit. I quickly jumped up and threw up over the rail. Luckily, only sand and bushes were beneath the balcony and not another balcony. Carter rubbed my back as I threw up again. “Please...I don’t want you this upset. Please.”
After the contents of my stomach emptied, I leaned into him and started crying. He gingerly brought me back to the bathroom and cleaned my face and mouth.
“I’ll grab a big bowl or find a bucket to clean downstairs.
” Carter’s eyes sparkled from fear and unshed tears, making me cry harder.
He cared about me. He truly loved me and didn’t want to lose me.
Whatever he did may alter how I feel about him, and he and Grey knew it.
And what if I can’t forgive him or start to see him differently?
What if I realize we can’t be together anymore?
What if I know that my nausea isn’t about losing him?
What if I know I’m pregnant with his baby?