Chapter 27
I just need a moment.
Blood rushed to my head, and I leaned against the wall for balance.
I thought about how Grey would make snide comments about Carter whenever I gushed about him.
He warned me to be careful because he knew he’d asked Carter to talk to me, that whatever flirting or energy passed between Carter and me wasn’t real.
“Grey used to accuse me of being in a fantasy world. I fell for you so fast because of how you were with me. You were like my fantasy come true. And now I know it wasn’t real. ”
“It was real...we are real.” Carter pulled me back close.
“Listen, let me get out of here first, and we’ll talk like we planned.
This isn’t the place. Doctors and nurses are coming in and out, and I can’t talk the way I want to.
I need you to hear me. Don’t make any decisions before we really talk, okay? ”
I removed my hand from his, backing away from him again. “I don’t even know if I want to talk to you or anyone anymore. The people I trust and love more than anything have secrets. Secrets that involve me, and I can’t be around dishonesty.”
He shifted in bed and snipped, “Oh, now you can’t be around me? Because you’re so honest, right?”
I touched my churning stomach. “I am.”
Carter shook his head before his jaw tightened. “Our relationship started with a lie. You pretended to be with Grey, remember?”
“You assumed that,” I quipped as I crossed my arms.
“Naw...you went with that when you could’ve corrected me at any point.
I thought you and Grey were playing this weird sex game.
He was spending nights out, and you were trying to fuck me, but I still thought you were together.
I purposely stayed away after seeing you and him together because it hurt.
I caught feelings and didn’t just want to be that dude on the side like I’d been to Chelsea.
I wanted you to be mine, and you could’ve saved me weeks of anguish if you’d been honest with me.
But I forgave everything, even knowing you live with a man you’ve had sex with who still wants you. Don’t I deserve the same?”
“It’s different, and you know that, Carter.
I owned up to my feelings about Grey when you asked me.
Meanwhile, I find out that you are the reason she and her man broke up.
How can I trust that you haven’t been with her since you’ve been with me?
Would you have ever told me if Grey didn’t force the issue? ”
He stared back, and the slight wilt of his body gave me my answer.
I clenched my fists. “Now that I know you’ll be fine, I’m out.”
“And what about the baby?” He asked quietly.
“What?” My breath quickened, and I resisted the urge to touch my stomach.
“You’re pregnant.” He tilted his head, assessing me.
“We’re together almost twenty-four-seven.
I know your body. You haven’t had a period, and you’re throwing up.
You keep holding your belly. So, no, you’re not out.
I can respect that you don’t want to deal with me now, but we will talk.
And we will work it out. I grew up without a daddy, and I’m not putting my child through that.
Do whatever you need to do to get over yourself and call me. ”
I stepped closer to the bed. “Get over myself?”
Carter pushed himself up higher. “Yeah. In this whole fucked up scenario, I did nothing wrong. Except being scared to tell you the truth about your so-called best friends. I didn’t know Chelsea was your friend or that she fucking moved next door.
You never mentioned her name to me until you introduced her after you and I got together.
” He clapped the back of his hand in the other.
“And let’s not talk about your golden boy.
Grey put me up to talk to you, and then talked about me behind my back.
Tried to make me look like shit, so he’s always the better man in your eyes.
I’ve been good to you. Not afraid to claim you in front of the damn school and my family.
Tell you I want to marry you. Yet you’re ready to bounce without giving me a chance to explain myself or tell me you’re pregnant like you’re just done with me. ”
Our chests heaved with frustration, emotion, and even passion as we glared at each other.
We’d probably have had rough sex by now if we were anywhere but a hospital.
Correction. If he wasn’t recovering because Carter had no qualms about dragging me to the bathroom.
Feeling the heat rise between us, I dropped my gaze.
Desire and lust had wracked my brain for the last three months, between being with Carter and thoughts I still had of Grey.
The highs of new love for Carter blinded me to how the three of them always seemed uncomfortable around each other.
I chalked it up to him just not being comfortable with my friends.
In reality, each walked on eggshells around me, scared someone would spill the secrets first.
Finally, Carter quietly demanded, “Admit you’re with me because he doesn’t want you the way I do?
And you’re ready to leave me now that he does.
He told me that last night. Asked me to let you go if I wasn’t serious about you because he wants to be with you now.
Like I’m a fucking joke. Like we’re not really together, or that I could genuinely love you.
The only reason I didn’t kill the son of a bitch was because of you.
And I don’t even know why I keep doing this to myself.
” He chided, “You were waiting for the moment to jump ship, and now’s your chance.
Bet he’s waiting for you to call him. Bet you’re about to run to him once you leave here. ”
I raised my eyes to his hurt and angry ones.
I didn’t have anything left to say. Too numb to even challenge his words.
I did want to talk to Grey and hear his side.
To hear what he wanted from me. It didn’t mean I would choose Grey.
How could I explain that my heart had room for both without hurting Carter more?
His eyes flashed fire, and his voice trembled, “Tell me I’m fucking wrong. Be honest for once in your fucking life about how you feel about Grey. You love him more than me. Just say it, and we can both move on.”
At my continued silence, he waved his hand dismissively, “Get the fuck on, then. But I’m not giving up my baby.”
I wanted to scream and yell about the impossibility of it all, resenting that I couldn’t just walk away from him if that was what I truly wanted.
We were bonded by the new life growing inside of me.
There was a small chance it was Grey’s. Yet, my spirit spoke that it was Carter’s.
“You do know you’re making this so much easier to leave.
You're never going to believe that I can be and have been loyal to you and only you. Doesn’t matter that as pissed as I was and wanted to curse you because you fucked Chelsea.
..that I actually heard you have sex one night.
..” I shuddered at the memory as I grabbed the knob.
“But when I walked through this door, I only saw you. The man I love and have been in love with. I was happy to be in your arms and didn’t want to deal with anything but be with you.
For the record, I love you more. Grey does have a piece of me that won’t go away.
It doesn’t mean I can’t fully be with or love you forever.
I don’t know what else to say to you when I haven’t done anything wrong except unintentionally hurt you.
So, you get the fuck on.” I swung the door open and stormed out, needing to be away from him. Needing to be away from him just to be.
I walked briskly back to the waiting room. Chase and Ms. St. Patrick looked worried when I called my sister’s name and told her it was time to go. I bent to hug them and reassured them that though I had words with Carter, he was fine. We were fine. Just needed some space.
Danielle frowned as she hugged them and headed toward the entrance.
Ms. St. Patrick held my forearm. “Can I have a second?”
I inhaled, bracing myself for some smart comment or gloat. “Yes, Ma’am.”
She pulled me to the corner of the room. “Don’t leave him. I know my son, and he loves you.”
“There are some things we’re working through,” I started.
“I heard what you said in the room. He didn’t cheat on you.”
Damn, I was loud and wondered how many people heard. “How do you know that?”
“Because he told me about your friend when he first realized she was your roommate. Called me, trying to figure out how to tell you. I asked him if he was still messing around with her or anyone else, and if he was, that he needed to leave you alone. I could tell you were crazy about him, and I didn’t want to see you hurt.
I’ve always raised my boys not to use women.
He told me he wasn’t. He always wanted to be honest with you and a better man than his father.
” She looked at me, pride warming her tone. “And he’s the best man.”
“What if he’s not the best man for me?” I countered.
She smiled with a slight nod of understanding.
“Then figure that out, but not out of anger or fear that you can’t trust him.
Woman to woman, I would rather he be single and focus on football and his degree.
Love can be a distraction, and he’s still young.
But as a mother, it makes me smile to hear the happiness in his voice when he calls me.
The happiness you bring him.” She hugged me to her.
“If he’s determined to settle down now, I’d rather it be with a woman like you, who seems to love him for him.
I hope this isn’t the last time I see you. ”
I embraced her tightly, inhaling her lilac-and-rose scent.
Carter and Chase were lucky to have her as a mother.
Only time would tell if I would get to know her better.
“Thank you for telling me what he told you, and know that you’ve raised good men.
I do love Carter, and he has treated me right.
It’s just a lot to work through right now.
More than likely, you will see me again.
” Especially in about eight months if this baby is his.
Hope she’s still this nice to me when she finds out.
When we settled into my sister’s car, Danielle asked, “What’s going on between you and Carter? I assumed we would be at the hospital for a while. I told the family to go home because they wanted to meet up at my place.”
“Honestly, I don’t have the energy to get into it.
Just take me home.” I’d already decided that I would spend the night at Carter’s.
He wouldn’t return home until tomorrow. I wasn’t ready to see Chelsea and didn’t want to stay with my sister because I wasn’t ready to talk.
I’d already been in a tornado, and with the bomb, Carter just dropped about Grey, I’d been swept up in a hurricane of drama.
One good trait my sister had that my mother didn’t have was her ability to give me space and not demand answers.
She didn’t say a word as we headed back to the condos.
Thirty-two minutes later, she pulled into the parking lot and kept the car idling.
“Let me know about your doctor’s appointment so I can go with you. ”
“Okay.” I leaned over and hugged her. “Thank you. Tell the parents I’ll call later. I want to go inside and sleep. It’s been a long day.”
She kissed my cheek. “Oh, Dar, I’m sorry.”
I pulled back. “For what?”
“It doesn’t matter if you want this baby. This isn’t an ideal situation, and there will be some rough days ahead. I’ll be there for you, and so will the family. Just wish it didn’t happen like this.”
Thinking of the turmoil I felt instead of the hope and joy I’d always expected whenever I did create a new life, I humbly and sadly agreed, “Yeah, me too.”
I closed the car door and stared up at the luxury condominium complex that started full of fun and laughter at the end of the summer.
Now, I felt dread, disappointment, and so much betrayal as the cold months lay ahead.
Grateful I didn’t see Chelsea or Grey’s car this time, I trudged up the stairs to cry and figure out my next steps alone.
FRESH AIR ALWAYS CALMED me. I plopped down on the cushioned chair on the balcony and stared into the blackness.
I’ve always been fascinated with bodies of water at night.
How the water would appear pitch black with only the light of the moon and the white waves hitting the shore, reminding me it’s water and not the abyss.
I needed this quiet moment. Today felt like the longest day of my life.
I didn’t even know or care if we won the game.
I looked down at the beach and saw a lone figure running in long shorts and a hoodie.
My stomach fluttered, peace shattered as I rose from the chair and stood near the railing.
If he noticed me, we would talk. If he didn’t, that was my sign to wait until another day.
A few seconds later, he slowed down, pulled off his hood, and looked up at me.
His hazel eyes glinted even in the night.