Chapter 28
This all could be so simple.
We stared at each other silently before I finally nodded and gestured with my hand that I would come to him. I grabbed one of Carter’s hoodies and a blanket and joined Grey downstairs on the sand.
He jammed his hands in his pockets and shifted from foot to foot. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Start with the truth, and I mean the whole truth.”
Grey glanced around us. “Here? It’s chilly tonight.”
I shoved the blanket in his hands. “I can’t stand the thought of our place, and Carter doesn’t want you in his.”
He reluctantly spread the blanket on the sand before sitting down, and I joined him.
In this light, his hazel eyes appeared to glow.
He really was gorgeous, capturing the best of his parents’ looks.
Unfortunately, his inability to fully commit to a woman was the worst of his parents.
Maybe our love story would have had a chance.
Maybe we would already be married if it weren’t for his staunch disbelief in marriage.
If Grey did have a change of heart, I would want to hear why.
No...I needed to hear why. I needed to decide about the two men in my life and allow whatever was supposed to happen. Baby or no baby.
His voice broke the slightly howling wind.
“Before Chelsea moved in, I saw Carter walking with her to his truck early one morning when she was supposed to be out of town. I didn’t say anything because she didn’t see me, and neither did he.
So, I wasn’t surprised that she and Carmello had broken up.
I just didn’t know that Carter was why they broke up, probably why she insisted we move to this high-ass condo that only she could afford.
She wanted to be close to Carter. I’m sure she never expected you to have feelings for him, too. ”
My temple throbbed at the duplicity of my so-called best friend.
She must have deep feelings for Carter to lose a man she loved and then decide to live in his complex.
She probably paid the leasing agent more money to ensure we ended up next door.
Never realizing that I had a crush on Carter and that somehow we would become a couple.
“Why did she have to lie? She could’ve told me that she had already been with Carter.
Crush or no crush, I wouldn’t have touched him.
Why act excited for me? Why help me get with him and tell me how to play games to keep his attention if she only wanted him for herself? ”
Grey pulled his knees up to his chest. “I don’t know.
Confused me, too. The best I can figure is that she never thought he would give you any play, and if he did, it would only be sex.
Or maybe that was her test to see if he could commit.
Or maybe she wanted you to be happy, even if it was with someone she wanted. ”
I snorted at that reasoning. Chelsea had never been selfless.
“Or she wanted to sabotage you and him,” he quietly said. His tone suggested he believed this was the true reason.
“Tell me what happened when you confronted her.”
Grey’s breath hitched, and he rocked slightly.
“One night, not long after you and Carter became a thing, I came home to a naked and drunk Chelsea in my bed. Trying not to hurt her feelings, I told her I was tired and tried to cover her up with the blanket from my bed. She kept trying to kiss me and get me hot.” He ducked his head.
“My body did respond, and for a second, I almost gave in, and we kissed. When she tried to slide her hand into my pants, I froze and pushed her away. She started cursing me and telling me how she didn’t understand how I could want you and not her.
How Carter made her believe that they would be together one day if she ever left Carmello, and he didn’t want her anymore when it happened.
She cried and cried about how she couldn’t believe that he claimed you after knowing you for a few weeks, and he’d been seeing her for months behind Carmello’s back.
I told her then to tell you. That you should know about her and Carter, and she said she wouldn’t fucking tell you shit.
That sooner or later, you would find out the type of bastard Carter really was.
That night was the first time I believed she wasn’t your friend.
” He squeezed my knee. “Or maybe she was at one point, but jealousy over Carter ruined it.”
Grey continued speaking, “Last night, while you and your family were outside, she made some snide comment that she was tired of your mouth and hearing about Carter. I told her I would if she didn’t tell you the truth.
She told me it was none of my fucking business, and before I could respond, Danielle walked into the kitchen.
Last night wasn’t the right time to bring it up, but I couldn’t take the lies anymore.
Being around your family and knowing they were about to meet Carter hurt in ways I hadn’t imagined.
Hurt because I wasn’t your man, and I’d kept this secret about Chelsea and Carter from you. ”
My heart pounded, and I felt light-headed as I replied, “She messed around with Carter for months and never told me? I could see if I told her about my crush on Carter last spring, but I didn’t.
As far as she was concerned, I only knew Carter as our star quarterback.
There was no reason to not tell me about him when I thought we told each other everything.
She never saw me as a friend if she couldn’t share her feelings for another man besides Carmello; if she doubted, I would still be her friend; she didn’t believe in our friendship or truly see me.
That I loved her. Flaws, warts, and all.
That I’ve never judged her.” I wiped the escaped tear I tried not to shed for her and uttered, “Why Chelsea? Why?”
“That’s something you have to ask her.”
I shook my head warily. “I don’t know if I want to. Giving her a chance to explain makes no sense to me. That requires me to trust anything she says, and I can’t trust her anymore. Not ever again.”
He looked at me. His voice was uncertain. “Do you still trust me?”
I glanced down, and he immediately lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“Do you trust me, Darren?” His tone was firm this time, as if he steeled himself for an unwelcome response.
Instead of answering him, I deferred with my own question, “Why did you ask Carter to be nice to me? Like, I’m some charity case. Like, I couldn’t possibly get him on my own. You must have believed I wasn’t good enough for him.”
His head jerked slightly, and he closed his eyes. Guess he never thought Carter would tell me this part.
“Do you know how fucking humiliating it was for me to hear him say that? To know that you told a man to pretend to like me.”
Grey feebly replied, “I was trying to help.”
My anger rose as I asked, “How was that trying to help Grey? Huh? We’re not kids anymore. I don’t need you or anyone speaking up for me or convincing a man to notice me. If a man dislikes or rejects me, he doesn’t. I accept it and move on. Carter would’ve been no different.”
Grey’s eyes flashed. “That’s not true. I saw how you looked at him, how you practically melted at his smile, and how happy you were just at the thought you might have a chance with him.
For years, I’ve heard you beat yourself up about how no one seems to want you, and I've seen how it's affected you. How it made you doubt yourself. And I knew if Carter rejected you, it would’ve devastated you. It would’ve confirmed what you believe about yourself.
That you’re not sexy or desirable...that no man wants you. .. and I couldn’t let that happen.”
I yelled, “You couldn’t let that happen?
You couldn’t let that happen? You made everything complicated when the simplest thing you could’ve done was love me yourself, and I wouldn’t be in this situation of loving two men.
” Suddenly, everything within came bubbling out like a boiling pot, and I pushed him so hard that he fell back stunned, and I jumped up and ran.
Faster than I had ever run before, determined to beat the wind.
My chest and legs burned from the unexpected exertion, and still, I ran as fast as the fire within my soul propelled me.
I didn’t run much longer before the wind stopped blowing past me, and his strong arms grabbed me from behind, and we tumbled on the beach.
I tried to push up and take off again, but he grabbed my hands and pressed them down above my head.
Grey, barely breathing to my heaving bosom that grazed his broad chest, hovered over me.
“You don’t think I know how I fucked up everything?
How I had years to be with you and watched you berate yourself because of loneliness.
I felt the same loneliness, though I had other women because they weren’t you.
Even after we made love, I could have owned you, and I still hid behind fear.
Convincing myself that Carter was the better man because at least he wasn’t afraid.
So, I let you go, no matter how unbearable.
How could I tell you that I love you so much it hurts when I wake up in the morning now that you’re with him?
How could I tell you that I don’t want you to ever have a car, so you have to ride next to me?
That every time he touches you, I cringe, and I’m angry as fuck that I can’t have you.
That I can’t offer you what he seems to so willingly.
That I’m so fucked up inside, I’d rather feel this pain instead of being with you.
How can I give you my whole heart when it’s already jagged?
My parents were crazy in love, like that mad, can’t keep hands off each other love.
I remember that. I remember how they never seemed to get enough of each other.
You know what I also remember? I remember my mother pulling a gun on my father in a fit of rage after she thought he had an affair, and the gun jammed.
She would’ve killed him in front of me, Darren.
” Tears dragged down his cheeks, glistening like his eyes.
“That’s why my father stays away and why I’ve been fighting my feelings since the day you beat me running when we were fourteen. ”
“Oh, Grey.” I caressed his cheek, and he kissed my palm.
He wedged his leg between mine, and his hard dick pressed insistently against my center before he lowered his head to kiss me. Slow enough that I could stop him if I wanted to.
Except I didn’t want him to.
His lips achingly touched mine. And like the sweetest addiction, I wanted him to kiss and fuck me until I forgot that I loved another man.
Until I forgot that I probably carried that man’s baby.
I wanted to forget everything and everyone except Grey and this moment on the beach under the watchful eyes of the large white moon.