Chapter 44
Did I just lose him?
Our bodies were entwined—his leg over mine and my arm around his waist. I sobbed in his shirt, wetting the front as he rubbed my back.
Grey placed tiny kisses on my forehead, reassuring me he was there.
Every time I thought of Carter and Chelsea, a new stab of pain attacked me.
How could he do this to me? Chelsea? I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that she’d been in his world all these years.
Why didn’t he just marry her instead of me?
I had resolved that I would be a single mother.
I had made my choice, which was Grey, and when he left, I’d prepared to be on my own.
Carter wanted to work things out, be there for me, and we married.
Why? Why did he do all that if he really wanted Chelsea?
I could've been with Grey, with some other man, or single, being co-parents with Grey and Carter. I would’ve been fine raising my twins on my own and not in this crazy, complicated mess.
“Try to rest. I’ll wake you up when the food gets here.” He swept my hair off my face. His warm and beautiful hazel eyes appeared green in this light. “I’m here as long as you need.”
I nodded as I pressed my lips against his slightly pouty lips.
I wanted to feel sane and in control as I pulled slightly back to gauge his reaction.
His eyes darkened before he cupped my neck and kissed me back, opening my mouth with his.
Without using his tongue, he slowly kissed me, savoring my lips, chin, and neck.
He’d been clean-shaven the last time we kissed.
Now, I delighted in the feel of his mustache and beard brushing against my face.
When I slipped my tongue in his mouth, he moaned and became aroused.
Grey flipped me over and moved between my legs, pushing my thighs open.
I grabbed the ends of his shirt and pulled it over his head.
My hands eagerly caressed the muscles in his back and over his stomach.
When I reached for the button of his pants, he stopped me and broke the kiss before he lay on top of me, still panting. “We can’t. Not like this.”
“Yeah...sorry...sorry.” The throbbing between his and my legs demanded release, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. The feel of his dick teased my sex as I refocused.
Grey was right. Temporary satisfaction would only lead to permanent confusion.
I was too fragile and vulnerable to be intimate with him.
After a few more seconds, Grey shifted until he hugged me from behind. His insistent erection pressed against my lower back as he held me. “I’m trying to get my mind off being inside you. Ignore my body.”
I looked over my shoulder. Grey’s eyes were closed, and a slight smile graced his face. “You’re happy, aren't you?”
“Happy to hold you again. Happy that I know we’ll make love again one day.
Even if it doesn’t happen until we’re old and gray, after our children are grown and we’ve divorced our spouses, or they don’t care about us quite so much.
We’ll happen again under better circumstances. ” His arms tightened around my waist.
“How can you know that?”
Grey opened his eyes. “We love each other too much for this to be the end of our story.”
I shook my head. “Can’t believe you became a romantic after all.”
He chuckled. “Naw...just believe in us.”
I faced forward at his simple truth. “You think whatever Carter has to tell me is forgivable? What if he tells me he has a child with Chelsea, and they love each other?”
“Or he may really be the Godfather and only helping her out. I think when you love deeply, you can forgive anything, even infidelity.” Grey kissed my nape.
"Relationships require compromise and forgiveness. Carter forgave you for being with me those two weeks back in college, and I know I hurt you, but you forgave me.”
“You didn’t do anything that needed forgiving. You made the choice I already knew you would make.”
We grew quiet, deep in thought, as we remained hugged up. Grey only moved away from me to get the food he had delivered. Once the aroma of the fried chicken wafted under my nose, my stomach grumbled like a lion’s roar, and we both laughed.
“Nothing ever steals your appetite. Not even fear of losing St. Patrick.”
I picked up the greasy bag and pulled out a Styrofoam container of chicken wings and fries. “Nope. Depression and sickness only make me eat bad.”
He tugged me to sit up, and he sat down next to me. “Glad you’re eating. Today is still your birthday, and all this crying is bringing me down.”
“Bringing you down?” I wiped my eyes with one hand and held a wing in the other. “I found out you wanted to marry me while I was still single and that the man I did marry may have a whole family with my ex-best friend.”
Grey wiggled his thick brows. “When you put it that way, cry away as you stuff your face.” He took a bite of the chicken and moaned. “Good, right?”
“Mm... hmm. These are my type of fries, too. Fresh cut.” I grinned and nudged my shoulder to his.
“This is what I miss. I haven’t had a friend outside of Carter since you left.
I don’t really fit in with the players’ wives, and not working kept me from making new friends.
If you weren’t here with me, I would’ve been alone and angry at my husband, who basically stood me up on my birthday. ”
He pointed a fry at me. “But you wouldn’t have known about Chelsea.”
“I still really don’t know what the fuck is going on, and you won’t tell me what you know.
” I stuffed a fry in my mouth and swallowed it.
“As much pain as I feel, I’m relieved I’ll know what he’s been hiding from me.
You’re right. You’re back for a reason. Time for truth.
” I looked at him, wishing I could just tell him about Elle now and let the chips fall where they may.
This weekend, Carter and I would hash it out, and next week, Grey would know we share a daughter.
“Want to have brunch Tuesday morning? I want to tell you whatever happens between Carter and me.”
His jaw tightened as he replied, “Make it a late lunch. I do have a job and a life.” He stole some of my fries before I could pop his hand.
I clapped my hand over my mouth. “I never asked. What do you do now? I’m so used to you being this track star.”
“I work as a track coach at UCLA.” He beamed.
“I started a month ago and love it. Gives me a chance to still do what I love and train talented men and women. Pay is decent, and I’ve invested money from sponsors and contracts I earned from being on the Olympic Team.
I don’t make as much as Carter, but I’m good. ”
Looping my arm around his neck, much like I used to do when we were only friends, I praised, “I am more than proud of you, and I never had a doubt you would be successful, whether you ever made the Olympic Team.”
“I know. You made me believe in myself, and I’ll always love you for it.” He rested his forehead against mine.
“Love you too.” We both sighed with longing before he straightened and continued eating.
“I miss our friendship, too. Tatianna understands running as I do. We have the same love and drive for it. Yet she doesn’t get me. Or I should say she doesn’t get all of me. Does that make sense?”
I sipped on the strong Coke. “Carter and I get each other when it involves our children and even our marriage. Still, he doesn’t quite get me.
I thought he did until he found ways to delay me opening a pharmacy or working.
I wanted to work in a hospital or a CVS, and he convinced me he and the children needed me more.
Meanwhile, I was slowly losing myself. Being here with you reminds me I’m still a woman, not just Carter’s wife and mother to my children. ”
“How old are they? Twins, right?” He wiped his mouth with a napkin, oblivious to the knots tightening in my stomach, and took the Coke out of my hand to gulp.
“We had them shortly after we married. They’ll be seven next year.” I gave a partial truth. They turned seven in June.
“Then Danielle did the right thing, not telling you. You were in love with him, and I would’ve made it harder for you.
I guess I thought you and Carter were married much later and had children.
” Grey suddenly stood and walked to the railing, staring out into the ocean and the pink and brown sky of a setting sun.
“When you talk to him, make sure he tells you everything.”
“How can I know if he’s told me everything?”
“If he doesn’t mention what he and I discussed on the beach and in his condo, then I’ll tell you.”
I dropped my chicken bone in the container and placed it on the marble ground. “Why can’t you tell me now?”
He tapped the railing. “A large part of the reason you’re upset with your husband and we’re here right now barely knowing each other instead of happily married is because of me.
I didn’t admit my feelings for you and left you with a man I believed loved you, too.
I brought you two back together because I didn’t want you to be alone again.
I brought you two back together when I shouldn’t have done anything except be with you or remain your friend.
I shouldn’t have interfered back then, and I’m not going to now. ”
“This isn’t all on you, Grey. Carter and I still might have worked it out, whether you intervened or not.
He did notice me before you asked him to be nice to me.
He could've walked away from me, but he wanted to be with me. How can you decide who’s the man for me, like I didn’t or don’t have a say? ”
Grey turned back around and gripped the rail on either side of him. He regarded me quietly. “I’m the man for you.”
“So, what Carter and I had for all these years isn’t real? The love, passion, and our family?” I balled my hands in fists. “Do I wish I married you? Yes. But I didn’t, and I don’t regret marrying Carter, even if he has a child with Chelsea. We’ve had good years for a long time.”
He reminded me, “A marriage based on lies and secrets.”
I retorted, “I thought you said we looked good together and had it together?”
Grey cocked his head. “Looks can be deceiving. I assumed you were that couple who were real with each other.”
“We are. We’re a team,” I defended hotly.
“How can you be a team when you don’t know all the players involved, Darren?” Grey snapped.
Hitting my thigh with my fist, I promised, “After this weekend, I’ll know.”
“And I hope I don’t have to tell you anything when we meet on Tuesday. I hope Carter is real with you.”
I scoffed. “You don’t want Carter to be real...you probably hope we break up.”
“Then maybe you know me as much as Tatianna knows me.” He pushed off the railing and walked back to me.
“You think I want to be your consolation prize, or because you’re so devastated by Carter, you run to me to avoid pain?
Do you think that’s how I want you? From what I can see, we would just repeat you and Carter. ”
Tugging on his pocket, some of my growing tension released. “If I’m with you, it’s because I want to be with you and not because I can’t have Carter. I’ve never stopped loving you, so how can you say you would be my consolation prize like you really don’t mean shit to me?”
Grey kneeled before me and curved his hands to my face.
“Darren, I want to be with you. Would give up a woman whom I also love for you. She’s been a good woman to me, and she knows the depth of my love for you, yet she still wants a life with me.
When you asked to see me today, I thought you and he were good, and you still wanted to see me.
Seeing you cry and hurt over him doesn’t make me feel good because I don’t like seeing you hurt.
I’m not gloating on the inside, hoping you see me as your savior.
You have a family with him, so I understand if you want to work it out with him, no matter what he says.
I just hope you stay because you love him, and it’s now based on a foundation of truth.
The Darren Brown I want to be with knows I’m the man for her and won’t keep looking over her shoulder with regret and doubt, especially because you have children with him.
Carter will always be a part of your life.
.. our lives, if we get together, and I can’t spend my life with you wondering if you still want him.
So, if you ever come to me and I’m not married, come correct. ”
Before I could respond, my cell rang, and we both looked down.
A close-up picture of Elle flashed across the screen.
A picture I used to represent her whenever she called me.
A picture that captured how much she looked like Grey.
He picked up the phone and stared at the picture.
His brow deeply furrowed, and I watched nervously as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing.
Grey handed me the phone and dropped down onto the patio floor in front of me. His widened, glistening eyes were a mixture of confusion, awe, and disbelief.
“I have to take this.” I answered, “Hey, sweetie.”
Elle spoke in a rush, “Mama, Daddy just came home, and he’s wondering where you are. I thought you were taking a trip together?”
“It got canceled, baby. Did he ask you to call me?”
“No, I’m in my room. He seems upset, and he’s talking to Grandma right now. Where are you?”
“I’m on my way home, okay? If Daddy asks again, tell him I’ll be there soon.” We said our goodbyes, and I clicked off the phone, bracing myself for the first bands of a hurricane about to strike my family.
“She looks exactly like me. Why?” Grey whispered while slow tears fell from his glistening eyes.
“Because she’s your baby,” I finally confessed before I sank to the marble floor with him, wondering if he still felt like I was the one for him.