Chapter 32
Lisa Campos reminded me a lot of her daughter. Her smile came easy and she had the same big, bawdy laugh. I liked her immediately.
There were differences, of course. Where James had dark hair, her mom had blonde curls. I suspected the color wasn’t God given, but it suited her. James was a little more assessing, a little more thoughtful, behind that ever-present smile. But her mom had the same innate kindness—and was just as quick to say what was on her mind.
“What’s going on between you and my daughter?” she asked as I poured her a glass of white wine.
We were at the big house, celebrating Belle’s first-place win. Most everyone was out back on the patio, enjoying the warm summer evening, but James’s parents had followed me into the kitchen for drinks. And, I suspected, to grill me about James without her overhearing.
“That sounds like something you should ask James,” I said.
“What makes you think I didn’t?” Lisa’s laughter rumbled like her daughter’s. Big and delighted. “I’d like to hear why you think dating your employee is appropriate. Is this something you do often?”
I looked up. Her voice was sugary sweet, her smile bland, but I wasn’t fooled. If I gave her an answer she didn’t like, the rodeo queen would become mama bear in the blink of an eye.
“We’re two consenting adults who respect each other. There’s nothing inappropriate about it.” I handed her the glass of chilled wine. “And no, dating my employee isn’t something I do often. It’s not something I did at all.”
“Before James.” She sipped her wine, her gaze locked on mine above the rim of her glass.
“Now don’t go making this into something it isn’t,” Carl Campos warned his wife. “They’ve had a few dates, that’s all. I’ll take a glass of that wine, too. Thank you.”
A few dates? Is that what James told them? Technically, it was true. We spent more time fucking or lying in the bed of my truck, our fingers intertwined, talking about nothing and everything, than on actual dates. Still, it felt all kinds of wrong, hearing us defined like that. A few dates made it seem like this was nothing more than a casual summer fling. James meant a hell of a lot more than that to me.
She meant everything. I loved her.
Shit.
I had thought I was done with this. More than that, I had hoped I was done with this. Humans have an infinite capacity for love, she had said, and dammit all, she was right. Of all the things to be right about, why did it have to be this? It sucked. An infinite capacity for love meant an infinite capacity for pain. I didn’t want more pain. I’d had enough of that, thank you very much.
It was different with Ben. He was my everything, too, and I loved him fiercely. But it wasn’t a choice. Being a parent meant accepting that a piece of your heart lived outside your body, unprotected. If something happened to Ben, it would destroy me. I knew that. I accepted that.
I didn’t have to accept that from James. I didn’t have to choose this. I could walk away.
The thought of walking away from James, of being cold again after spending these last few months in her sunshine, was like a knife in the gut. It was too late. I was already in it. In so deep, I couldn’t extricate myself without pain any more than I could cut off my hand.
It was a miracle my hand held steady as I poured the wine while the epiphany rearranged my insides like an earthquake.
“You have a nice operation here,” Carl said, in a clear attempt to steer the conversation away from his daughter’s love life. “Not as big as Blue Skies, but you have a reputation for quality.”
“That reputation is growing stronger by the day.” I tipped my bottle of beer before taking a sip. “I have your daughter to thank for that.” Whatever else was happening inside me, I still felt like I had a score to settle on James’s behalf. This man—her own father—couldn’t see her worth, but other men could. He needed to be made aware of this fact.
“Hm. Well, enjoy it while it lasts.”
I froze with the beer halfway back to my mouth. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Come on, now. You couldn’t believe James was here for the long haul.” Carl scoffed. “Blue Skies is her home. Eventually, she’ll want to raise a family there. Be the next generation of Blue Skies. You understand that. Lodestar is family run, too, isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I was too stunned by the thought of James leaving.
“She told me about the contract. You don’t need to worry about her leaving you in the lurch. She’ll stick it out until Christmas, I figure, before she comes home. But she’s not getting any younger. It’s time for her to be serious about this.”
“She’s the head trainer for a reputable ranch,” I pointed out. “How much more serious could she be?”
Carl raised his gray brows. “As I said, Blue Skies is a family operation. That comes with certain responsibilities. She understands that. Anyway, it’s all she’s ever wanted since she was five years old.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Did Carl deserve her? No. Was it a little weird that he seemed more focused on her settling down and having a family than actually being a trainer at Blue Skies? Absolutely. But was Blue Skies what she wanted? One hundred percent.
She had told me so herself.
The truth of it nearly knocked me down. I gripped the bottle so tightly my fingertips turned white.
James was going to leave Lodestar Ranch. Leave everything we were building together. Leave me. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
“You disappeared.”
James gave a guilty start and peered at me over Belle’s creamy mane. “I wanted to bring Belle a treat. She deserves to celebrate, too.”
“Right.” I slid open the stall door and waited for her to come out. She moved toward me, then paused to rub her cheek against Belle’s velvety nose. I watched them and felt something I didn’t want to feel. I crossed my arms over my chest and held it down. “Saying goodbye?”
Her gaze shot to my face. She eyed me warily as she closed Belle’s door behind her. “You talked to my dad?”
She stood there in the yellow barn light, her big brown eyes dark and fathomless. Her fingers played with the hem of her dress—a soft blue thing with white daisies—like she didn’t know what else to do with them. So beautiful I ached from it.
I couldn’t stop my hands from grabbing her. Couldn’t stop my arms from trapping her body to mine. “I fucking need you, James.”
And then I slammed my mouth down on hers so she would think I meant her body. Her pussy. Anything but her heart.
She rose up on her toes and threw her arms around my neck, her body plastered to mine, meeting my need with demands of her own. When she opened to me, when her lips parted and I felt the soft slide of her tongue against mine…fuck. I went up in flames. I thrust against her so hard her back hit the stall door, making the wood reverberate loudly. Belle lifted her head and looked at us, nonplussed.
James laughed. “Maybe we should—”“Here. Now.” I was not waiting for whatever was at the end of that sentence. Some other place. Some other time. I couldn’t wait for later. There might not be a later for us.
And I didn’t care. I didn’t care that James was going to go back to her real life and leave me wrecked. These last two months had been full of her laughs, her smiles, her. It was all worth it. So fucking worth it.
I grabbed her bare thigh and lifted it to my waist so I could more easily fit against her. Rocked my hips into her, letting her feel how hard I was already for her. How badly I wanted her. Our tongues tangled, hands groped, hips pressed. She whimpered in my mouth, a sexy little sound that made me lose my damn mind.
I bent and lifted her so both of her legs wrapped around my waist and carried her into the storage room. She tucked her face to my throat. Bit me gently. I could barely think with her mouth on me like that, but I managed to grab a freshly laundered saddle blanket from the basket and spread it over a stack of hay bales while balancing James with one arm, her strong thighs clenched tight around my hips.
“Thoughtful of you,” she murmured when I set her down on the soft wool blanket.
“Can’t have that sweet ass of yours chafing on the hay. You need something soft because things are about to get rough.” My hands settled on the flare of her waist, my fingertips flexing. “I can’t be gentle, James. Not tonight.”
A lie. I was heated, desperate, every cell in my body roaring with the need to take her. But if she asked me to, I would hold all that in check. There wasn’t a damn thing she could ask from me that I wouldn’t move heaven and earth to make happen.
But holy hell, I was glad she didn’t ask me to.
“Good.” She grabbed me by the belt buckle and yanked me forward so that I stepped between her legs with sudden force. Her dark eyes flared with heat as we made contact. “I don’t want gentle.”
My hands slid up the smooth skin of her thighs, pushing her dress up as I went. She wiggled to free it from underneath her and I clutched her ass, bringing her even closer, desperate to get more of her. I wanted everything she could give me. Her mouth trailed down my neck, nipping and kissing, as she unbuttoned my shirt and spread it wide. With an impish grin, her tongue flicked over my nipple. And then she bit that, too.
“Fuck, baby.” My hips bucked. I didn’t even know I liked that.
Unzipping her dress, I pulled down the delicate straps so her dress circled her waist like a tire, then tossed her bra aside. The heavy weight of her breasts spilled into my waiting palms. I squeezed, rubbing her peaked nipples with my thumbs, and then lowered my head to suck.
“God.” The word ripped from her throat as she arched her back, giving me better access, her pelvis rubbing against me. Every bit as desperate as I was.
Our mouths found their way back to each other, kissing, kissing, kissing, like it was oxygen. Her hands fumbled with my belt buckle and then she moved onto the button, but she couldn’t get traction. We were too frantic, our hips rocking too hard.
But my dick ached with need, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I wrenched away from her on a growl. Yanked open my jeans so hard the button popped off. Jerked my jeans and shorts down my hips. Immediately, her warm hand closed around me. My hips bucked hard, but she held on with a low laugh. Her thumb traced the vein underneath, then circled the head where a bead of pre-cum gathered. She swiped her thumb across it, then sucked it off, her dark eyes on mine.
“Fuck, buttercup…I can’t—” And then I came to a stuttered stop as I realized I didn’t have protection. “Condom?”
She bit her lip. Shook her head. “I have an IUD.”
I knew that. She had told me a couple of weeks ago when we both received a clean bill of health for our STD check. But even with that, we had kept using condoms.
She reached under her bunched dress and wiggled her underwear down her legs. “I want you. Just you. I want to feel y—”
I shoved into her so hard the hay bales moved. Slick heat gloved me, gripped me, pulled me in deeper. Sensation rippled through my body, drawing my balls tight in a way that did not bode well for my stamina. I exhaled hard and held motionless as I tried to pull myself together.
And then she started moving, hips rocking, heels digging into my ass to urge me forward. Hard enough to leave fresh marks, I hoped.
She was moaning, sighing, making the sexiest noises I had ever heard in my life. I couldn’t take it. I surged into her, meeting her hips with hard, vicious thrusts. I pushed her forward so she was on her back and ground down on her, circling my hips, rocking against her at an angle that, judging from her cries, hit her sweet spot.
Fuck, she was so slick, so hot, so tight. I was so close to coming, I couldn’t breathe. I leaned forward and my mouth closed over her nipple in a hard, hungry suck.
“Adam!” With my name on her lips, fingers digging into my forearms, she found her release.
It sent me out of my mind. My thrusts turned desperate, relentless. Pleasure wound tighter and tighter and then roared through me as I emptied myself inside her.
“Mine.” Her breath tickled my ear.
The truth of that settled into me, spreading through my blood like aspen roots. I was hers. But I had never claimed her in return. Maybe I had always known she couldn’t belong to me. Not for keeps. I wasn’t enough. I never had been.
And how stupid was I, giving myself so easily to someone who couldn’t give herself in return? Hell, I hadn’t even put up a fight. My walls had crumbled so quickly, so silently, that it was over and done with before I knew what happened.
I looked down at her, flushed and damp from sex. Sleepy and sated, unlike me. My legs were shaky from exertion, and I was spent…but not sated. I was a bottomless pit of need when it came to James. Nothing could ever sate me. Forever…maybe forever would be enough. But I wasn’t going to find out.
All we had was now.
I ran a finger from the indent of her throat, down between her breasts, the perfect dip of her belly button, to her pussy. She slapped her knees closed and shivered.
“Too much,” she said.
Not enough. Never enough.
“I’m hungry. You said you take care of what’s yours.” I pushed at her knees. “You gonna let me starve, buttercup?”
Her eyes widened and her white teeth sank into her puffy bottom lip. She stopped fighting me. Her thighs fell open, revealing her pink, glistening pussy. Beautiful. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
Mine, I thought. For now.
I leaned in and feasted.
Her clit was swollen and sensitive, so after a few gentle licks I slid my tongue inside her, thrusting and licking. She gasped, shuddered, her fingers threaded into my hair. I tasted myself in her, remnants of what we had done together, my salt mixing with her sweet. And fuck, I couldn’t get enough.
When her hips canted to my mouth, I rubbed my thumb over her clit. She came on my mouth with long, hard squeezes, her internal muscles pulling me deeper, coating my tongue in her flavor.
I was hard again, drunk on her pussy. I pushed up, slid my cock into her with a rough thrust that made her gasp. I went slower this time and came harder.
She lay there limply, arms and legs spread at awkward angles, panting. “Fuck, Adam. I mean…fuck.”
There was nothing I wanted more than to stay just like this. Wrapped up in her. But putting off the inevitable had never been my style.
I hiked up my jeans as best I could without the button and buckled my belt. “You don’t have to wait until December.”
She blinked at me like she was having trouble following the conversation. “What?”
“Our contract says you get paid through December no matter what. I don’t want you to worry about that. You don’t need to feel guilty.”
Her post orgasm glow dimmed slightly, and her eyes narrowed. “I don’t feel guilty.”
“I mean, you can go whenever you want.” The words felt like razors in my throat. But I had to say it. As badly as I wanted her here with me and Ben, there was something I needed even more. I needed her to be happy.
So I shut down the part of me that wanted to tie her to my bed and forced out the words.
“You should go to California with your family.”