Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
A aron sat on the sofa while Belle put her children to bed. The bombshell she’d dropped on him earlier—she lost her job—had left him breathless. With God’s leading, he’d give her the support she needed.
Belle stepped into the living room, her hair turning from the straightened style she’d worn when he first arrived that evening for dinner to gentle waves about her face. He liked that look. It was carefree and relaxed and reminded him of when she stayed at the ranch.
He’d missed her since she left, but knew she had to find her own way. The temptation to help her when she felt vulnerable had been too great. He’d give her the space she needed to grow as a person and in her faith.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” She swept into the room, her hair flowing, the flowered dress she wore rippling about her ankles.
“I should get going,” he said. The regret in her eyes reflected in his chest. He knew seeing her this afternoon would unearth the feelings he’d tried to tamp down. “I just want to make sure you’re going to be all right.”
“I’ll be fine.” She sat next to him. “At first, I was shocked and hurt and doubted God. I had worked hard to be the best teacher possible, but with enrollment falling and schools closing, it’s the perfect time to let God test my faith.”
“At one time or another, I think we’ve all been there.” He was glad she had reconciled herself to look at the bright side of the situation.
The question in his mind was what that meant for them. Was there a future for them? He had felt led to step back and let her spread her wings. Was she ready to let someone else in her life? If so, who would that person be?
“You were laid off?” she asked, clearly stunned.
“It was the best thing for me.” He laughed softly at her surprise. “I knew I wasn’t an office person. I was living in New York, Brooklyn, actually. I shared an apartment with two other guys and took the train every day to my office near Times Square. I spent most of my life riding to and from work. I’m a country boy. I needed wide open spaces, and I liked helping people, which was why I became a first responder. I had thought to resign from the New York job, but hadn’t made a plan as to what I wanted to do. Being laid off was the kick in the pants I needed. Thankfully, I could return to the ranch and help Mom and Dad until I found something else, but once I was there, I didn’t want to leave, so I searched for contract labor. I can set my own fee and the client can decide if I meet their need.”
“I was wondering about doing that.” There was a distant look in her eyes before she shook away her dream and met his gaze. “I started something. I’m actually earning an income, but I was so busy with work and the children, I couldn’t devote much time to it.” She bit her lower lip.
He waited. If she wanted to tell him, he wanted to hear, but he’d let her decide.
“I’ve been journaling since I was in high school.” The excitement in her eyes grew, making him remember all the things he liked about her. “I set up a website and started posting some of those entries on the site. I guess they resonated with people because they would write to me and tell me some of the situations they had encountered and how they felt. That encouraged me to start a live podcast where people could call in and talk. The podcast site tracks the responses my recordings receive. Advertisers have noticed the popularity and offered sponsorships, and I’m receiving an income. Other advertisers want to be featured on my website so I’m earning an income with that, too.”
“I had no idea.” He straightened. He always knew she was remarkable.
“Neither did I.” Her laugh held surprise. “I was just doing it for fun. I never expected to make any money, but God knew,” she added softly.
Yes, He did.
“You’ll have to let me know how it goes,” he said and rose. He didn’t want to leave, but the powerful draw between them was the signal it was time for him to go.
“You’re leaving?” Surprise in her eyes, she rose, too.
“It’s time. I could talk all night, but we’ll talk soon.” Looking at her, her soft brown eyes, the delicate curve of her lips, leaving her was the last thing he wanted to do, and the best.
“I hope it won’t be months before I see you again.” Her mouth tipped with a disappointed lift.
“It won’t be.” He felt the door open to something more between him and her. What that would be?
“Are you driving back to the ranch tonight?” She looked worried.
“At this time of night, the drive will go quickly.” He liked that she was concerned.
She’d definitely moved past the insecurity of struggling with a divorce and facing life as a single mom. He was proud of her for stepping out in faith. God had helped her find out who she really was—someone who wanted to help others. She could have returned to her parents’ home in Florida and let them take care of her—she could do that now—but she’d found a way that developed her strengths. Her losing her job didn’t seem like an accident. It gave her the opportunity to learn the gifts God had given her.
She walked him to the door. Turning to her, he gave her one last look that he’d carry in his memory until he saw her again. This time it would be soon.
At the door, he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her the way he had when they were at the ranch, but now wasn’t that time. He had faith that day would come.
Holding her and kissing her the way he wanted to would open the door to a lure that would hurt them both. She had made great strides. He’d stand back and watch God’s perfect plan unfold.
When Aaron drove down the street to Belle’s house, the familiar lift in his chest was the welcomed sensation he’d felt every time he visited her and her children, which had been more frequent because of his travel schedule. Every time he returned from a trip, he’d call her to see if she and the children were free. He thanked God that she was. He loved seeing the light in her eyes when he climbed out of his truck. Her children greeted him as if he were part of the family.
Was he? He wanted to be. He’d always loved Belle, but as they spent more time together, that love had deepened and matured. He was getting to know Belle as more than a fascinating woman. When the children went to bed, that gave them more time to talk and share feelings about work or spiritual growth. He treasured those talks.
When he called to let her know he’d return from a trip, they’d plan dinner at her house or go to a restaurant and sometimes see a movie. He always brought her flowers. He loved the way her face lit up when she saw them. She couldn’t resist burying her nose in the bouquet and inhaling the fragrance. Seeing her lovely face surrounded by flowers deepened his fondness for her.
Her children seemed to be very aware of the closeness he and Belle developed, though he made sure that the moments when he and Belle were particularly close were private.
That didn’t ease his desire to be closer still. Was she ready? Each time he visited her, he wanted to find out, but the timing never felt right.
When, Lord?
Was life passing him by? He hadn’t planned to remain single his entire life. He always thought one day he’d marry and have a family, but no woman had captured him as Belle had. He couldn’t fight the feeling that she was the one for him.
Was he the one for her? Was she willing to take the next step? Would one failed marriage sour her to take another chance?
The questions never stopped coming. The answers remained hidden.
“It’s so nice out, I thought we’d have a barbeque.” Belle greeted him at the door, her children standing at her side and grinning. Belle’s smile showed how pleased she was at her brilliant idea. She looked relaxed and fresh in a flowery dress and had her hair piled on top of her head revealing the delicate curve of her neck. A few stray tendrils framed her face making her almond-shaped eyes something he found hard to resist.
“That sounds excellent,” he said as he handed her the bouquet and relished her delight as she inhaled the fragrance.
“I’ll put these in water, though I’ll have to find another vase.” She turned to the kitchen. “The last bouquet you brought is still thriving, but I can’t have too many flowers.”
“That’s a good motto to have.” He stepped into the house and followed her and her children into the kitchen. “What can I do to help?”
“Do you want to grill the steaks?” She looked over her shoulder at him, then drew a vase from a cabinet and filled it with water.
Kelsey was a big help as she pulled scissors from a drawer and snipped the stems. She and Belle arranged the flowers.
“Grilling steaks is my specialty,” Aaron said.
She turned to him. Her eyes danced with a delight that made him wonder what it would be like to see those bright eyes every day.
“I can help,” Lyle said eagerly.
The boy, looking more like a man, had shot up these past few months and was almost as tall as his mother. It felt strange to be so close to this family that Aaron noticed small things like the children growing taller and showing signs of adulthood in appearance and mannerisms. They both cared about their mother and willingly helped her at every opportunity. They had compassion for how hard she worked.
After dinner and a skirmish with a foam football, Belle reminded the kids they had school tomorrow. Though the reminder took the joy out of the moment, they wished Aaron and their mother goodnight and went to bed.
“How’s the podcast coming along?” Aaron asked. He had listened to the podcast. He liked the sound of her voice. The compassion she showed the callers made him glad to call her his friend—maybe more.
When her children’s bedroom doors closed, Belle relaxed. She seemed to enjoy the quiet when she had a few moments to herself. As much as Aaron enjoyed her children, he looked forward to being alone with her.
“It’s funny you should ask.” She looked at him through her lashes. “Just before you arrived, I received a call from a media distributor asking if I would be interested in syndicating my program. I’m earning more now than I ever would if I were still teaching. I never expected anyone to notice my podcast, but there are sites that track viewership, and my program caught their attention.”
“That’s impressive,” he said.
Gone was the woman who struggled with the sudden changes in her life. Before him now was the woman whose confidence made him marvel at the person she’d become.
“It took me by surprise, but now it leaves me with another decision to make, and pray about.” She drew a breath.
“Let me know how it goes,” he said. No matter what her decision, he knew she’d do well. “I’d better go.” The last thing he wanted to do, despite it being the wisest.
She nodded, her smile slight. When he rose, so did she.
At the door, he couldn’t resist the urge to trail his thumb across her jawline. Cupping her face, he marveled at the smoothness of her skin.
She stilled. Her eyes closed, as if drinking in his touch.
“Oh, Belle,” he murmured.
She lifted her face to his, the heat in her eyes matching the desire rising within him until he thought he would explode.
Slowly, gently, he lowered his face to hers, tasting her soft lips. He drank of her, his own desire too heavy to bear. Her sweetness stirred the yearning he’d buried when she left town the summer before they started their senior year in high school. Letting her go had been like losing a part of himself. In a way he had. He’d lost his heart.
Before he stepped over a line, he let her go. They were both shaking.
“Belle.” His voice ragged, he could only say her name, though the rising need to tell her what he wanted to say was a battle he was losing. “I love you.”
The words slipped out. He stilled, stunned into silence by her frozen white face. Was he diving into the depths of flaming defeat?
His emotions found a crack in his resolve and broke through. He couldn’t take back what had built inside him for fifteen years. He felt relief even if he had ruined everything.
“I … I love you,” she whispered with feeling. Her smile pressed dimples into her cheeks.
“Oh, Belle.” The leash on his tumultuous feelings snapped. Never had he expected to hear her utter those words.
She stepped to him. Slipping her arms around his waist, she rested her cheek against his chest. Her soft form melded into the angles of his body. A dampness seeped through his shirt. Touching his fingers to her chin he lifted her face to his. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stood pale before him.
“I’m sorry.” She wiped tears from her pale cheeks.
“This makes you sad?” He rested his hands on her shoulders that felt too delicate for him to touch.
“I thought …” Her tone filled with emotion, she waved away the rest of what he wanted to hear.
“Tell me.” He looked into her eyes. “I want to know.”
“I’ve made so many mistakes.” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed. “I couldn’t imagine you’d want to be with anyone like me.”
“Because you’re human?” he asked in shock. “Like the rest of us?”
That brought her head up.
“You’ve never done what I’ve done.” She shook her head.
“I regret a few things in my life … like not telling you how I felt,” he said quietly.
“You’ve known for a while?” Her large eyes flicked to his.
“The first time I saw you sitting in the bleachers at the rodeo.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh.
“We were teenagers,” she said, understanding dawning in her eyes. “Do you really think a teenager can know what love is?”
“I believe what I felt was love,” he said, her dark eyes captivating him the way they had that first summer. “Maybe a different kind of love than what I’m feeling now.”
“How old were we? Fifteen?” She frowned.
“Yeah,” he said, his raw heart making him ache inside. “You think that’s too young to know what love is?” He knew what he felt. He’d never felt it since, though he’d tried a few times.
Her silence seemed to end the conversation. Maybe it was one they shouldn’t have.
“No,” she said finally. “I was so caught up with the plans I had set up for my life. I was afraid to let my guard down. I’d met too many women who wished they’d pursued their dreams. Listening to their regrets made me determined never to say, ‘I wish …’ The mistake I made set my life on a different path, though I thank God every day for my children. I couldn’t imagine my life without them.”
“They’re wonderful.” He smiled. “I can see they are on a path to accomplish great things.”
“Really?” Gratefulness glimmered in her eyes. “It’s hard to step back and let God work His perfect plan in them. I don’t want them to have regrets, but I know what God has planned is for good. I hope I’m up to the task to guide them.”
“You’re a good mother,” he said with firmness. “Don’t ever doubt that.”
“Thank you for the vote of confidence,” she said in a way that made him wonder about the criticism she’d received.
From Chad? He prayed she looked to God for affirmation and not her ex-husband.
“I hope you know that in your heart,” he said.
“I do.” She offered a slight smile.” But it’s still nice to hear it.”
“There’s something else I want you to think about,” he said.
She stilled. Her eyes brushed his in question.
“I don’t want to just love you.” He spoke so softly he barely heard himself. The way she looked at him confirmed she had heard every word. “Belle, will you marry me?”
The question was spoken before he could think it through. He usually wasn’t spontaneous.
He heard the click in her throat.
He’d gone too far. He wanted to drag his fingers through his hair. Instead, he stilled. She wasn’t ready for this commitment. God was opening doors for her. She’d want to know what He had in store for her. She’d given up her dreams for another man. Though Aaron would never want that—he’d support her any way he could—but convincing her would be another matter. If he had to convince her, the decision would never feel right and then the marriage would never feel right.
She would have to decide if he were trustworthy.
“You don’t have to answer,” he said, wishing he’d exercised better timing.
“I’m not hesitating because I have doubts,” she said, her musical laugh lifting his hopes.
He waited. He’d let her speak.
“I was surprised.” Soft color flooded her cheeks. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered what it would be like if we were together more—if we were married. “
“And?” He refused to let his mind get ahead of what she would say.
“There’s nothing I want more than to be married to you.” The joy in her eyes made the breath he held rush from his lungs.
“Oh, Belle.” He gathered her in his arms. “I can’t tell how much I look forward to our life together.”
“I feel the same way.” She stood on her tiptoe and kissed him—a kiss so soft and warm it unleashed a flood of sensations he could no longer hold back—nor did he want to.
Slanting his mouth over hers, he kissed her, tasted her, loved her. Everything about her filled him with joy. In his heart, he thanked God for the gift he never expected and tried to pretend he didn’t want, but he did want Belle—he wanted her and her children in his life forever. He couldn’t wait to see what God had in store for them. There was no greater goodness than what God could give.
For now, he would love Belle and receive her love and thank God for each day they had together.