Chapter 14 #2
Enough. She’d been scared and holding out for so long that none of it mattered anymore. She needed a new path forward.
She took his hands in hers and held on tight. “My grandpa told me he would fund the clinic as long as I remained fully committed.”
“Damn easy. You’re one of the best doctors I’ve known in my entire life.”
“That’s sweet, and I appreciate it. But let me define fully committed the way my grandpa does,” she warned, gripping Declan tighter even as she lost the courage to meet his gaze.
She stared at their hands and noted her knuckles were turning white.
“A doctor whose first and only responsibility is to the job. No boyfriend, no steady relationships, and definitely no getting married.” A sharp stab hit her in the rib cage as she realized another truth.
“Hell, if he could’ve outlawed girlfriends, he probably would’ve. ”
Oddly, under her, Declan began to quiver. She glanced up to find he was actually chuckling.
He shook his head. “How on earth could he think you being involved with somebody would mean you’d be less committed? That’s not who you are.”
She didn’t want to say it. Saying it made it real. But not saying it had left her choking on silence for too long.
“As much as I want to be with you... I can’t. Because choosing you means letting Grandpa cut off my funding. And if that happens? Everything I’ve built here, everything I’ve worked for, disappears.”
What Sydney was saying—the importance of the situation—Declan knew exactly how much this meant. It was her job, her livelihood, and a steady paycheck for other people as well. Not to mention the huge difference she was making in the community.
He heard all those unspoken things, but one part struck him as straight up the biggest thing to focus on.
“You want to be with me?” he asked quietly.
She swallowed hard, pain twisting her features. “Part of me doesn’t know how I get up in the morning without you there. Another part of me wants to run away as far as I can because I don’t want to hurt you. And I’m really afraid I will.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. She had no idea—none—how much he could take, as long as it meant she was still in his life.
Screw it. Declan pulled her fully into his arms and held her.
Let his embrace become a barrier locking them together and locking out the world.
The storm still raged against the roof. Rain smacked into the windowpanes like kids on a candy high let loose with drumsticks.
But they were here, together, and that made everything right.
Sydney tucked her head under his chin and cuddled in.
She stuck her hand under the soft flannel shirt she’d found for him, the front gaping open because he was a far bigger man than the owner of the cabin.
Declan didn’t give a flying flip what he was wearing because Sydney was holding onto him, and it felt as if she would never let go.
Which wasn’t what her words had said.
Since he’d never been that good with words himself, he’d learned a lot about watching people’s conversations and the things they said with their bodies. Sydney was saying pretty damn clear she knew where she wanted to be.
In his arms.
He pressed another kiss to the top of her head.
Start with the important stuff. Don’t assume she knows.
Once again Sadie’s words echoed in his head. Yeah, and once again, she was right.
Declan didn’t change his grip, just tilted his head so his lips brushed Sydney’s ear. “I want to be with you.”
She stilled, her breathing deep and even, as if she were fighting to keep it that way.
“I think about you first thing when I get up in the morning and last thing at night before I go to bed.” He pressed his lips to her temple. “And in between I think about you and smile. Sometimes I think about you, and I get hot and bothered.”
A sharp exhale of amusement escaped her.
“Okay, yeah. A lot of the times when I think about you, I get hot and bothered. But it’s not just how much I enjoy being with you physically.
I want to be with you, Syd. I want us to be together, and I’m sorry that your grandpa’s rules mean this isn’t something you simply get to decide on your own. That’s not right.”
“It’s not, but I don’t know how to solve it.”
“Me neither. Not yet, but maybe we can do that idea-tossing thing between us. And if we’re not smart enough on our own, we’ve got other people in our lives who are smart in different ways.
” Declan cleared his throat. “Since I seem to remember being raked over the coals for assuming there’s only one kind of smarts out there. ”
She nodded, but even as she sat up straighter, she seemed to be withdrawing. “There’s more.”
“This is life,” he uttered in a deadpan tone. “There’s always something else to complicate things.”
This time when her lips quivered, he wasn’t sure if she was fighting tears or laughter.
“Do we need to make a list? Because that’s Jake’s type of smarts. Not mine.”
This time she did laugh. “I don’t have any notebooks with me.”
He shrugged. “Worst-case scenario we use toilet paper as a notepad.”
She pressed her lips together in an attempt to hide her smile. “I’m trying to be serious.”
“You’re succeeding in being serious,” he told her with all earnestness. “Only Sadie would tell me the more serious the conversation, the more we need to say fuck it and find things to laugh about.”
Sydney nodded, her eyes going soft. “Sadie sounds like she was amazing.”
“She was,” Declan agreed. “But so are you. She would’ve liked you, a lot,” he added quickly.
Surprise arrived. “You think so?”
“Absolutely.” Declan tilted his head to the side. “Tell you what. Let’s take a break for a minute then come back here. This serious talk can go on for as long as it wants since we’ve got nowhere to go.”
Another hard gust shook the cabin, and Sydney nodded as she scrambled to her feet. “Dibs on the bathroom.”
“Don’t use all the toilet paper,” he offered dryly.
She blinked at him for a minute and then snickered her way off down the hall, the flicker of firelight trailing after her.
Okay. It was a little like walking through the barn with kittens racing underfoot. He needed to keep his pace steady and firm so she’d know he was there for her.
Chances were, even giving her a little breathing space, she’d put those walls back up and find ways to cut this conversation short.
Nothing doing. This was too important to give up just because it was awkward.
By the time Sydney returned, he’d spread out a couple of blankets in front of the fireplace and put some pillows down so they had places to relax a little farther from the heat that was now pouring from the very efficient airtight stove.
He really didn’t have any solutions, because he’d never heard of this kind of situation before outside of far-fetched TV plots. But what he did have was family he could count on, which meant Sydney’s worries about the clinic might not be easy to solve, but they were solvable.
Which meant digging deeper.
As expected, when Sydney sat back down, she settled kitty corner to him, leaning against the couch.
The glow from the stove was the only light in the room, throwing dancing shadows across the cabin walls and highlighting the rosy colour in her cheeks.
It looked as if she’d washed her face, and she lifted her chin, determination in the gesture.
She was about to bolt. Maybe not physically out the door, but it was clear as anything she’d decided whatever it was she was hoping for was impossible and she was ready to bail.
Which meant the only great solution was to get a step ahead of her.
“Can I ask you for help with something tangling me up?” he asked quietly, speaking the second she began to open her lips.
Sydney swallowed whatever it was she had been about to share.
“What?” Nervous and twitchy as if expecting him to blurt out something she’d regret.
Maybe. Maybe, but it would be the truth. And truth was powerful. That’s what their stepfather Jeff had told them, and so far it was one of the greatest lessons Declan had learned from the man.
He met Sydney’s gaze straight on. “I’m scared because the last two women I’ve loved left me. But at the same time, I don’t think I have a choice anymore. I’m falling in love with you, Syd. And I don’t know what to do.”