17. Jasper
Jasper
I send the page to Cora, my patience for all this waiting and subterfuge is thinning.
I will confess all to her today. Cora deserves it.
Time with the princess is no longer enough. She deserves complete truth and honesty, and I believe she will understand when I tell her of my…lack. Although no one else can know. I’ve kept her secret and surely she will keep mine.
I remind myself of her attributes, and why I’ve fallen so quickly and so hard for this woman.
She had such compassion when she heard of my brother.
Surely, she will have similar compassion for me.
I saw a glimpse of it in her eyes, and I felt much more in her body when I took her in the garden.
We might be able to find some solution together, or Princess Cora may simply accept the life I am able to offer her.
I wish to give her everything, but there are some things not within my capabilities to give. But I will not dwell on those. What matters now is the passion I felt when we were truly together with no one to interrupt.
The sun beats down on my shoulders as I pace in the garden. It is such a bright day that it will be impossible to conceal anything from her, nor do I wish to. What is taking the page so long? He is among the quickest in the castle. That is why I chose him.
With a racing heart and nerves running through me, I sit for a few moments on a wide, stone bench, then get to my feet.
Cora should be here any moment now. Any moment, she’ll appear in the garden entrance, in a royal grown that only emphasizes her delicate femininity.
The beauty of the garden is no match for the princess. Nothing is.
As the time ticks away, the only person who appears in the garden is a squire.
He stays at a respectful distance down the path, seeming not to pay attention to me, though he’s on alert.
She must be close then. Soon. I swallow thickly, hating the nerves that rattle through me. Surely she’ll understand.
A few more minutes go by. Time moves as slowly as the bees buzzing from flower to flower in the garden.
Something has gone wrong. I can’t help the unsettled feelings.
Princess Cora would not dally like this. The page would not have found reasons to drag his feet. That leaves only two options—that something befell the page, or that something befell Princess Cora.
Without further haste, I rise from the bench, brush out my clothes, and stride back into the palace. The squire from the garden hurries to keep up with me, still hanging back to give me any privacy I may require.
The hope that Princess Cora was only detained by some errand or other disappears.
She’s not just inside the palace, mere seconds from meeting me in the garden.
Instead, there’s an atmosphere of tension.
Two maidens curtsey to me, their heads bowed, then rush off as if they are running from something.
My footsteps heavy and rushed, I reach the main passage that leads to the great hall and let out a breath of relief. The intensity of the relief is evident and only furthers my knowledge that my emotions are unstable. There is Cora, at the opposite end of the hall with her friend, Isabel.
Gorgeous but a worrisome look in her eyes.
I’m no longer relieved when I see that Princess Cora is fanning her face with her eyes closed. Isabel appears to be comforting her. Why? Was there some attack on the palace? From within the palace? Has someone dared to attempt to harm her?
Voices surround me in a dim hum as I go toward her, intent on discovering what has upset Princess Cora so. It’s her father, the king, who speaks, his voice hearty and booming, though the man is not shouting.
“—no need for any upset, I am sure, Prince Casen,” he says, as I pass the wide doorway to the great hall.
Prince Casen? What is my brother doing down here?
This is not the plan I described to him last night.
Panic races through me. She’s met him? She’s seen him before I could explain.
Why would he do this? Does he not realize it makes it harder for what must happen?
“If there is some way you could—yes, boy, bring a bit of paper so the prince may write.”
I follow the king’s voice into a sunroom past the great hall.
“Your Majesty,” I say, and bow to the king. “Casen. What has happened?”
The boy the king sent for paper returns, running it to my brother. He takes a pencil from his pocket and writes something, then hands the note to me.
I need to speak to you. Now.
A chill runs through me. Has he changed his mind?
I take a deep breath and fold the note into my palm.
“Your Majesty, forgive us. My brother wishes to speak with me about some urgent matter.” It takes great effort to look the king in the eyes.
The unsettled nature is not one of a king or even a prince. I’ve brought chaos to his castle.
“Very well.” The king claps us both on our shoulders and sweeps out of the room. “Where is my daughter? She seemed to take a turn. Is she all right?”
Someone answers him from the hallway. I don’t pay attention to what they say. I face my brother. “What is it? Why have you come down? This was not what we agreed upon when we spoke last night.”
Casen holds out his hand for the scrap of paper, then writes again.
I felt I had no choice.
“Why not?”
Irritation mixes with a deep sorrow. Although he is marred, his expression is one of regret.
I love her and I know he could too. She could love him, I know she would in some capacity. If only they would give this a chance.
“What is it?” I question when he doesn’t make a move to confess why this morning has gone so poorly.
Tension strains between us and I feel as if I will go mad.
My brother could have come to me this morning.
He could have found me in the garden. He knew I planned to speak to Princess Cora there.
Casen knew he was supposed to meet us in the garden as well, so that I might introduce her to him privately.
I wanted him to be present for that introduction.
He is my brother. He knows the secret I have not yet told Cora.
Casen will remain by my side after I am wed, because that is the promise we made to each other after we came home from the war.
Casen writes more slowly this time, but his eyes are hard when he hands me the paper.
I have had the princess. Many times.
The blood drains from my face as I read his words. At first I cannot comprehend them. Words fail me for a moment. The thin parchment between my fingers trembles in my grasp.
“Princess Cora?” I question, my throat dry. “You mean to tell me that you have had—” I drop my voice to keep this shocking betrayal from reaching anyone who may be able to hear me from the hall. “You mean to tell me that you have had Princess Cora?”
My head is light with a haze of confusion. She’s been with another man, that I know. But it cannot be.
He grabs the paper out of my hand and writes, then holds up the note so I might see it.
She was in need. Many times. Many nights. And I came to her bed. I’m sorry, brother.
The parchment itself is blasphemy and must be burned at once.
No one can know of such things of the princess.
And yet, I cannot move. I’m paralyzed as I stare at him, unable to think.
My heart pounds with anger. My hands curl into fists.
My brother stares back at me, his scarred face all I can see.
There is always guilt when I look at him, and it is no different now, but his actions are like a sword through my guts.
My vision clouds with red. I pace away from him, endeavoring to get myself under the control befitting a prince. The princess didn’t tell me how long it had been. Or if it was ongoing. A betrayal. My brother. My lover.
When my vision has cleared and I have caught my breath, I stride back to him. Casen stands impassively in the middle of the sunroom.
“What did you say to the king?” I demand.
He shakes his head.
Nothing, then. He said nothing to the king.
“Then why couldn’t you wait until I introduced you? It would have been a matter of minutes.” I have to compartmentalize it all. Strategy and logic taking over.
Casen’s scrap of paper is running out of room, but he finds a bit of space at the bottom.
I wanted her to know. I could not wait any longer.
“No, you couldn’t, could you?” The sarcasm and anger mix in my tone.
He could not wait for anything. He could not even wait to see how my courting of the princess progressed. Casen had to have her, so he took her, when I had not—
“When did this begin?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. Many times. Many nights.
He waves his hand. It is a signal I have come to know over the years. It means earlier, or before.
Before I came to the castle. Before I was even here.
“You bastard.” The condemnation is a hiss on my lips. My voice is too loud. I know at once that the furnishings in the sunroom will not absorb it. People in the hall may hear me.
In the corner of my eye, there is movement at the door to the sunroom.
I know from the color of the gown that it is not staff.
The woman is Isabel, or it is Cora, but I cannot spare her a glance.
I cannot think of manners right now. I can only think of the pain of this betrayal and the hatred that burns in my heart.
Hatred, and yet still there is guilt. I hate that the emotion that overwhelms me is so complex. Casen is my brother. He has been at my side for as long as I can remember. I told him how I felt about Cora—I told him about how it felt to have her with me when I took her from the castle.
I am so angry with him, and yet there is a part of me for which the betrayal runs deeper. It is much more shameful.
Because Casen has known what it’s like to have Princess Cora. He knows her soft curves and the sweetness of her—
“I wish to banish you. I wish never to see your face again.” My tone is stern and even as my temper rises, I maintain composure.
Someone gasps at the doorway. I am sure it is Cora now. I cannot help but to spare a glance. The king is with his daughter, a hand on her elbow to restrain her from coming into the sunroom. Her friend, Isabel, hangs back in the hall with her eyes as wide as saucers.
When I look back at my brother, I know I have struck him in a place he did not anticipate.
His face has gone pale, which makes the red scarring stand out. For the first time, it occurs to me that perhaps he chose this path because he was afraid to face this in the garden. Perhaps he wished to make his confession last night, but could not bring himself to do it.
Now I have threatened to go back on one of our oldest promises.
Casen takes a deep breath as his expression crumbles with pain.
Before I can say a word, he turns on his heel and leaves, brushing by the princess and the king with only a minimal attempt at a bow.
Cora stands frozen in the doorway, her mouth open and her eyes brimming with tears. As soon as Casen’s footsteps have faded, she covers her mouth with her hands and rushes away.
The king glares at me from the doorway. My anger has not faded—I do not know if it will ever fade—but my stomach goes cold at the judgment and power in his gaze. I cannot be sure what he intends to communicate to me with that glare, but there is no doubt that he disapproves.
Does the king know of what my brother told me?
No, he cannot.
The king only knows that I have upset his daughter, Princess Cora. My brother and I have both upset Princess Cora.
This is a disaster for any proposal I hoped to make, and there is nothing I can say right now to fix it. There is still far too much that I must come to terms with. There is still too much I don’t know.
Perhaps the king will throw us out and put an end to all of it.
But he does not speak to me or give orders to the servants. He only holds my gaze for another long second before he turns to follow Cora.