20. Jasper
Jasper
The king emerges from the upper floor of the palace after quite some time. He beckons me to walk beside him, and we enter the great hall together.
“Princess Cora will dine in her chamber tonight,” he announces to the gathered servants. It is only then that I realize the day has gone by and it’s time to eat.
I don’t wish to sit through the ritual of dining at the royal table, but there is little else I can do. It is clear to me that the king wishes to demonstrate to his household that all is well.
The servants and other members of the household who dine in the great hall don’t seem to think anything is amiss.
I certainly feel as if it is. My walk in the garden and the brief conversation I had there with the king did not settle me.
We hardly exchanged any words at all—he merely questioned as to whether I was leaving, and if I was well, and then said he would speak with the princess.
It’s rather quiet apart from the cutlery on the porcelain. Baked salted meat and potatoes and peas sit on my plate although I can barely eat. All I can think of is what my brother has done. And yet, I’ve done such acts as well.
The candles are lit above us, and not wanting to let on to what’s occurred, I sit politely and act as a royal guest should. Although flashes of what I’ve had with Cora race through my mind. Her absence is greatly missed.
The king says not a word about Princess Cora while we dine.
He talks of hunting trips he went on in his youth that took him into the territories of my kingdom.
I talk of my own youthful hunting trips.
He asks me how I found the royal gardens.
I tell him I found the gardens to be very lovely—fitting for a palace as beautiful as this one.
I do not taste a single bite of the food put before me, but I compliment every dish.
A musician comes to play for the court. I watch in agony, desperate for this moment to be over so I can fix this unfortunate situation. So I may speak to Cora and see where her heart truly lies.
It feels as if it has been hours when he finally takes his leave of the great hall, gesturing for me to follow him to his private sitting room. The king remains standing near the hearth. A relief, because I do not think I could speak these words sitting down.
“I have spoken with Princess Cora,” he begins and my lungs seem to falter. “She has shared with me some things about your courtship that I did not know, as well as…other connections she has made.”
Stunned for a moment, I am silent.
Clearing my throat, I manage a sincere reply, “I am truly sorry for risking Cora’s reputation, Your Majesty. Truly. I hope you will believe me.” I push down the shame I feel at having been so bold as to take her the way I did. “I should not have put her in such a precarious position. But…”
“But?” The king raises an eyebrow.
“But I love her.” The words burst out of me. It takes everything I have to keep control over my voice. “I fell for her. My heart belongs to Princess Cora. I was so sure of what we might have together…” My voice catches. “I was sure of my affections for the princess, and hers for me.”
The king looks at me, his gaze steady. “You did not know about your brother.”
It pains me in a great way that he knows. That he would judge my brother for such things. While the rest of the palace may not yet know what it is Casen and I argued about in the sunroom, the king certainly does.
It seems the princess and her father are closer than I realized.
“I wanted Casen to protect the princess before I arrived. I never thought he would…intervene.” It is difficult to swallow my anger. There is so much more I want to say about my brother, but it would go beyond disrespect, and I will not stoop to that level before the king. “Never.”
“I thought the two of you were close.”
“Very close.” My voice rises again. “We have relied on each other since we went to war. We needed each other after Casen was injured. It was our intention to rule our kingdom together, even if only one of us would wear the crown.”
“There is more than one kingdom at stake now,” the king reminds me mildly. “When I pass, the crown will pass to my daughter’s husband. Our kingdoms will be forever bound. If…” The king pauses meaningfully. “If there is a marriage to tie them together.”
A marriage. How are we to proceed with a marriage now? Is Princess Cora to flip a coin? Is she to choose between my brother and me? If he had only waited a day—a single hour to put himself before Cora, all of this might have been so much simpler.
I thought I was prepared to stand before the king.
I sat through dinner praying for the meal to end so I could have this very discussion, and now I can hardly hold myself together.
There is nothing I can say in reply to the king that would not insult him or my brother, though I am not sure why I care, given that my brother has already insulted me gravely.
“Your Majesty,” I begin, without knowing what else I might say.
I’m interrupted by the door of the sitting room opening. It is not thrown open, but it is opened with force. My brother comes through, his jaw set and his eyes hard. He strides across the room to me, bows to the king, and offers me a note.
I don’t want to take it. I don’t want to know what more Casen has to say to me. What I want is to be able to argue with him the way we once did. Now, I am the only one who can shout at him. Casen may deserve it, but no one else will see it that way.
I swallow my grief over the past and take the note from him. Casen crosses his arms over his chest and waits for me to read it.
I’m not sorry. I love her as well.
I glare at him over those words.
Casen gestures at me to keep reading.
I love Cora, and she needed someone. I know this to be true.
If I had not been with her, you might never have had a chance to know her at all.
Hate me if you must, but if you will only think for a moment, you will see I only saved her for us.
I can be her lover and give her the child you need.
You can be her king. I will tell no one. It will be as you planned.
As I planned… I nearly scoff. He was to provide an heir, because I cannot.
His child would be in secret and it is his legacy that would continue.
I had not planned on them falling in love.
It’s not truly a concession. Casen is not saying he will surrender his claim on Cora—a claim that he stole out from under me. No, he is saying that—
He is saying that there is a way we could both have her.
I meet his eyes for a moment, but he only looks back at me, his expression unchanged.
I read his note again.
“Prince Jasper,” the king says. “Prince Casen. Is there something you wish to share?”
I’ve not had enough time to respond. I have not even had enough time to fully put aside my hurt and anger.
However, there is something more behind my brother’s stoic expression. There is hurt as well. Hurt I knowingly caused him, even if I could not admit it to myself at the time.
I didn’t think he would intervene because I thought of him as ruined, just as he has since the battle. I thought he would keep himself hidden. Even if Casen did not, I thought Princess Cora would—
Shame turns my face hot. I thought Cora would fear him. Recoil from him. My plan was to orchestrate their meeting so that I could reassure her that he was not as he appeared.
That was a mistake. A grave mistake. Part of me wishes to argue that it was not as grave a mistake as taking the princess to bed when I was supposed to be the one courting her, but deep down, I know it was far worse.
Because the truth is that I will never have a kingdom without my brother. I cannot father children. Casen’s note speaks the truth. His wounds are on his face, but mine are hidden.
If I am to have an heir to take my crown and kingdom when I pass, the child will need to be fathered by my brother.
What kind of a man am I to assume there could be no attraction between Casen and a woman?
What did I assume of Princess Cora, to think she could only have feelings for a man with a face unmarked by war and battle?
Did I truly believe that she would only feel pity for Casen? Did I believe pity was all he deserved?
He was wrong, but I was also wrong. I do not know how we will overcome this. Where do we begin? Where does this end? Nothing has been settled by this conversation. It has only brought more hurt.
I fold the note into my pocket, buying myself a few more moments to gather myself.
Then I face the king.
“Your Majesty,” I begin, and feel Casen’s eyes on the side of my face. After a moment, I hear him turn to face the king as well. He watches us both, his expression unchanging. “There are…other matters to be discussed between us.”
The king raises his eyebrows. “You have reconciled, then?”
I hesitate to address his question. Swallowing my own shame, I answer, “We need to speak of what has happened, and then I am sure my brother and I will come to an understanding.”
The king nods, looking between me and my brother.
He takes a couple of steps toward us, then pauses again.
This man has protected the princess to the best of his ability since the passing of his queen, and I do not want to disappoint him.
I do not wish to disappoint any of us, or be disappointed once again.
“You may use whichever room you find most convenient to have your discussion,” the king says. “What you will not do is shame my daughter for your actions. You may not leave the castle until she has made her decision.”
She has made her decision.
His statement haunts me. Perhaps the princess will choose my brother and keep her kingdom separate from my own…and take my brother from me. The very idea chills me. The loss would be unbearable. “Yes, Your Majesty.” Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Casen nod his agreement.
“I will go up to ensure the Princess Cora is well,” the king says with a curt nod. “Good night, Prince Jasper. Prince Casen.”