21. Cora
Cora
I’m too unsettled after all that has happened to keep anything from Isabel. If I could confess to my father, surely my dearest friend should know.
When my father leaves, she comes back into my chamber and embraces me without saying a word. For a few minutes I cannot speak. There is too much I have not admitted to her, and not enough that I have admitted to my father.
When Isabel releases me, I catch her hand and look into her eyes. “I think—I am ready to talk about what happened.”
Although her eyes widen with surprise, Isabel nods and pulls me to my feet. “Then we shall talk. But first, we must make you presentable.”
She insists on washing my face again. I change my dress, which has stains down the front from my tears. When I come out of the washroom, there are several servants in my chamber, setting out dishes for dinner.
“Oh,” I breathe. “Has so much time passed?”
“It has,” Isabel says with a smile. “I am told Prince Jasper is dining with your father in the great hall. The king has told everyone that you will dine in your chamber tonight.”
My heart skips a beat and the tips of my fingers go numb. “Did he announce—”
“No announcement other than you will eat here, Cora. The court does not need any other explanation.” She eyes me curiously. “Although it is odd, it is not uncommon for the king to dine with his potential son-in-law outside of the presence of his daughter, no?”
I nod slightly, although the court will want an explanation, especially if the princes leave tonight. If they go without a formal final meal with me, then rumors will fly through the palace. Saying nothing will not be an option once people have made up their minds about what they think happened.
I don’t fear what my own servants might say. Blanche and Alice have kept my confidences for years. They will not gossip about me, nor share their opinions with the other servants.
But there are others who have served the princes while they are here. Who knows what they might have heard? In the end, it might not matter if what the servants say is the truth. If the court comes to believe that I have driven off the princes—
If I have driven off the princes, and there is no more to be decided between us—
Isabel takes my hand. “I have had word that the princes are not to leave until any matters between you have been settled.”
“From whom?”
“From a reliable source.” Isabel smiles at me. “Prince Jasper will dine with your father, and they will speak when the meal is over. You do not need to worry about anything tonight.”
This should comfort me, but I doubt anything will, until I know what’s to come.
“You need to eat,” Isabel insists, and ushers me to the small table in my chamber. “You’ve been in a state all day, and food will lift your spirits. We can talk while we eat.”
I don’t realize how hungry I am until I’m seated at the table and a servant uncovers one of the dishes. For most of today I thought I might never be hungry again. It is almost a relief that my body has recovered, even slightly. But is it also a betrayal?
I concentrate on spearing salted ham with my fork.
Isabel compliments the dishes and comments on the flowers in the garden.
She talks about a painting she might work on while the light is good this season.
The servants come and go around us until we have finished eating, then leave us with tea and a chocolate torte.
Isabel leans back in her seat with a cup of tea in her hands. She waits until I have prepared my own.
“What happened, Cora?” she asks eventually.
“It began the night of the ball,” I begin, and after that, the story rushes out of me. The desires I whispered when I thought I was alone. The man who gave me what I wanted while I was blindfolded, so his identity was kept secret. The feelings that grew for him.
And then…Jasper. The handsome prince who set my heart alight in other ways.
To Isabel’s credit, she does not gasp at the things I reveal.
Her eyebrows go up in surprise, but she merely nods for me to continue.
At first, my face burns and I struggle to find the words to describe what I shared with both princes without making it seem sordid.
But the more I speak, the more I realize that what I shared with Casen and Jasper was much more than physical.
The pleasure they gave me also made me feel a form of…
freedom. When I was with them, I felt that I had power over my own body and my own life.
Was that because they desired me so? Or was it because I was finally finding my own confidence?
Perhaps it was both.
Yet now my confidence is gone. It feels shaken, at least.
“I did not know…” My voice trails off as I reach the final revelation. “I did not know that Prince Casen was Prince Jasper’s brother until I saw Casen in the sunroom.”
Isabel sits up straight in her chair as if she had forgotten that fact about them.
“Yes, of course,” she says. “That was why his presence was such a shock to you.” She touches her forehead. “And I thought—I am sorry, Cora. I thought his appearance—”
“I saw him before. I was not frightened. I—I would not be frightened, Isabel. I am not a child who has seen nothing of people outside the court. I would not judge—”
“No, of course you would not.” Isabel pats my hand. “Please, know that I am so sorry. I did not understand why you were so upset.”
“Do you understand now?” I ask in a small voice.
“Oh, yes.” Isabel sets her cup onto a saucer.
The sound of the cup on the saucer seems to judge me even if Isabel does not.
“I do. They did not seem to be—well, it is clear they were at odds.” She gazes out the window, clearly lost in thought.
Then her eyes return to mine. “They were at odds over you, were they not?”
“They were.” I clear my throat, willing myself not to cry again. “I did not tell them of the things I’d done with the other. I thought my choice was between the stranger in my chambers at night and the handsome prince who came to court me. I did not realize I would have to choose between brothers.”
For a time, both of us are silent. I cannot imagine taking another bite of the chocolate torte.
This isn’t something that can be fixed, can it?
No matter what my heart wishes. My father is only delaying the inevitable.
The princes will leave with hatred for one another in their hearts.
What other conclusion could there be? If I choose either man, we will all have to live with that choice.
If I choose neither, my heart will be broken.
I truly wish to have both in my life, but that is such a selfish act.
I know in this moment that I will not court again. The princes have opened up my world, and it will only seem smaller with another prince. Who could compare to the two of them? I had everything I needed, only divided between day and night, and now……
“You will be queen of this kingdom,” Isabel says, drawing me out of my thoughts. “They need you. What is it that you want, Cora? You should decide for yourself what you want.”
“I want them both,” I tell her with my voice breaking.
The truth of my confession shatters any semblance of composure.
Speaking this admission to Isabel makes it even more real than speaking it to my father.
Even then, it had still been somewhat of a secret.
Not anymore. “I want to choose them both, but I do not know how that is possible. I do not know how it could be done, even if they wished to—to reconcile.”
Two servants enter the room. Isabel and I rise from the table and go to stand near the fire. The servants clear away the dishes with hardly a clink of porcelain to disturb us, and then they leave again.
“Cora,” Isabel begins, but the door opens once more. We both turn toward it, expecting the servants to be collecting some forgotten dish, but it is my father.
We both drop into a curtsey, Isabel’s deeper than mine. My father crosses to us.
“Isabel,” he says, greeting her before he turns his eyes to mine. “My daughter. I have spoken with Prince Jasper. I don’t think he’ll stay much longer. He seems to be at war, even with his own thoughts. You need to speak with him.”
“Now?” I question in a single breath.
“If not now, soon. If not…” He pauses. “My fear, my daughter, is that you will be left with a broken heart.”