25. Cora
Cora
Prince Jasper waits for me in the garden, just as the page said.
Isabel takes me to the garden entrance, then kisses my cheek once I assure her that I am well, and leaves me to the conversation.
Another squire steps into sight farther down the path, though he is not close enough to overhear us, and he is not one I recognize.
Not that it matters. He will not hear us. He’s only here to bear witness that nothing untoward occurs when I haven’t even a good guess how many members of my own castle believe I’ve sullied myself enough to request a tincture.
I approach him with fast steps, my heart seeming to beat in my throat. It is a lovely, sunny morning, with the heat of the day not yet upon us, though I feel I am burning from the inside out with fear and confusion and other emotions I cannot name.
Prince Jasper bows to me politely although the light in his eyes is dim. “Princess Cora.”
I curtsy to him, though the courtesy seems false after all that has happened between us. “Prince Jasper,” I return the pleasantries if for no other reason than to appease our chaperone.
“Will you sit with me?” He gestures to a wide stone bench nearby. I would rather stay standing, but if I am to receive more shocking news, then I do not want to risk tumbling down in a faint.
“Yes,” I agree, and take my seat on one side of the bench. I’m used to the warmth of the sun comforting me, but there is no comfort here. Not when I have such confessions to make.
Prince Jasper sits across from me, leaving space between us, but he angles his body toward mine.
For a minute, we simply watch each other. Birds sing, hidden in nearby fruit trees, and insects hum in the flower beds. I can hear the fountain farther off. The breeze tousles Prince Jasper’s hair, and for a few moments he looks young and unsure of himself.
Then he sits up straighter.
“You look ill, Princess,” he says softly.
“Why have you called me here?” I question back, just as softly.
“To confess,” he murmurs, his gaze falling to the cobblestone.
I blink at him. “You wish to confess?”
“Yes. I wish to be truthful with you, as you have been truthful with me.”
A pang of guilt moves through me. I have not been entirely truthful, though now I wonder if his brother has told him of what happened between us. I wonder if he knew, and if he did…
“I will listen,” I promise. “I will hear what you have to say.” My voice cracks at the severity of meeting. It’s as if everything is falling apart.
“Here is my first confession,” he says, looking down at his hands, seeming to steady himself. Then he looks back into my eyes. “I am not able to conceive children.”
I’m stunned. Truly. It’s not at all what I expected of him.
He gives me a few moments to absorb this new information.
Do not worry, Princess. It will not be a problem.
When Prince Jasper said that to me on the picnic blankets, I thought he might’ve meant it flippantly or ignorantly.
I thought he might have said it in the way that a man who knows nothing of how easy it is to become pregnant might say it.
Now I see it in a different light. He was confident because he was sure.
“All right.” I swallow, bracing myself for yet more secrets to be revealed. “What is your second confession?”
Sheepishly he glances up at me and then clears his throat and admits, “We both wish to have you.”
“I’m sorry?” I question for him to repeat. “Both of you?”
“We both wish to have you,” he repeats and offers me an honest gaze that strikes me straight to my heart.
“Both of you.” My mind reels. I am glad I did not insist on standing, because this news would have brought me to weak knees. “You both wish to have me…as a wife?”
“I would offer you my hand in marriage. I think attempting to offer both our hands would cause more than a little unrest within the lands, and part of this—the smaller part, Princess—is that our kingdoms would benefit from our marriage. With our lands combined, we would be stronger and less vulnerable. Please understand that I would make many sacrifices to ensure that we can live out the rest of our lives in peace. I will do almost anything to guarantee that my brother never feels he must go to war again.”
My heart pounds at the thought of war. At the reminder of what it did to Prince Casen. War should never be taken lightly.
I can tell that he means this, but I am still struggling to understand how this arrangement would work. A public marriage is easy enough to grasp—many kings take mistresses, and they rarely suffer blame for it. The same is not the case for princesses…or queens.
“We would be wed,” I say slowly. “But the rest…”
”Sex would be with both of us.” He answers honestly and without hesitation.
“Sex would be…” I attempt to repeat his words and fall short.
It is the prince’s turn to swallow hard.
“And not only for…the pleasures we could offer each other. If you were to want a child, my brother would need to be your lover for the matter of conception.” He clears his throat, then again.
“Because, as I said, I am not able. No amount of sex with me will produce a child.”
“And what of your brother? Does he wish to have a child?”
“In this manner, yes. I know you enjoy what he offers you. It did not seem to make a difference that he is not entirely, but mostly, mute and scarred, and he has never wanted a lover, but he did agree that he would do me the favor if I needed and wanted a child. Now, given what—”
My head spins with this explanation.
“Who came to me at night?” The words escape my lips almost before the thought behind them has fully formed. “Which of you? You seem to know much about the affairs I’ve had with your brother,” I practically hiss.
“More than you confided in me,” Jasper manages and then apologizes.
“He mostly writes to communicate. And he saw you first. There was much activity surrounding the ball, and it was easy for him to stay unnoticed. At first, he came simply to observe you. To see if you would suit me as a match, and to see if other suitors might be an obstacle. He stayed while I made arrangements for my kingdom. He…heard your desire and feared that another would hear of it.” A sharp blush heats my cheeks at the memory.
Jasper continues, “He didn’t wish to lose you so he did as you asked. That is where we ran into some…hiccups if you will?”
“Hiccups?”
“Both of us wanting you and falling for you, neither of us wanting the other to fully have you. So my…previous agreement with my brother, to supply me with what would be needed for a child…it changed…some.” He’s less confident than before, but I see how all the puzzle pieces fit and how everything happened.
Now I stare off into the garden. I felt his eyes on me. I practically felt him calling to me with his presence. I went out to the balcony to try to discover who the intriguing stranger was.
“You did not seem to mind having two lovers,” Prince Jasper continues softly, and I understand that he is making another confession of sorts. “And we have other desires that require…”
“Desires?” I ask, when he trails off.
He looks me in the eye. “That you take both of us at once. If that’s something you would be interested in trying?”
A flush of desire covers my body. I am not so naive as to mistake it for anger, but anger does come, if only afterward. I am turned on by his words, and I am angry that he was not honest with me to begin with.
“You betrayed me,” I say, my voice tight.
Prince Jasper looks at me with sympathy, not fury. He does not even seem guilty.
“As you did me,” he says gently and with a tilt of his head. “Did you not enjoy it, princess? I did.”
“You enjoyed the betrayal?”
“I enjoyed seeing you take what you wanted. But did you enjoy it yourself?”
“I did,” I admit. There is no way to deny it.
Prince Jasper nods. “He wrote to me of your late-night talk on the balcony. He told me of your spirit and your refusal to stay silent, even when he could not speak to you. I believe—” He pauses, taking a moment.
“I believe I loved you before I set eyes on you. But it is likely my brother who loved you first and that evening, when I met you, I could barely look at you. How could I marry someone my brother loved?”
“He is mute?”
“His throat…was slashed. His vocal cords work some, but not often, and he prefers not to speak for the most part because it is not his voice that is uttered. It’s low and rough, be he did tell me he spoke in bed with you and you did not flinch.”
“What a confession.” I barely breathe the words, feeling more forgiving of us all. More hopeful for what might come. “I thought myself reckless for telling you that I had been with another man. You must have thought me so foolish.”
“I did not,” he says and reaches for my hand.
“I could not think you foolish at all. I will admit that it hurt when you dismissed me. I will not lie to you about that. I thought perhaps you would sense, somehow, that you could trust me, and in a way, you did. I only wish I could have been fully honest with you. But I thought you needed to experience both of us. I thought my brother needed that opportunity as well. I had no choice but to move forward and see where it would lead us.”
I squeeze Prince Jasper’s hand, not knowing what else to do. This conversation could go one way or it could go another, and I feel we are standing at that very choice.
“Well,” I say, my voice thick, “where has it led us? What are we to do now?”
“I do not mean to propose marriage to you now,” he says, and my heart drops. He takes a deep breath, and my heart pounds for a moment, anticipating an ending that neither of us wants.
“What?”
“No, Princess. What I mean to say is, come to my castle. Come stay with us in our home, and see if the life we have to offer you suits you. There would be no commitment in it. If you do not like it, I will return you home to your father, and I will hold no ill will against you. I know what I am asking of you cannot have been anticipated, and all of this will take some time to get used to. I am more than willing to give you that time.”
Once again, my mind is filled with questions, but as I look back over the events of the morning, only one of them stands out.
“Where is your brother?” I ask.
“Preparing a carriage,” Prince Jasper answers. “We are both anxious to be home, and we intend to leave as soon as possible. We only hope that you will be traveling alongside us.”