Chapter 18 I Chose You
I Chose You
Raewyn
Pharis jumped to his feet and snatched the looking glass from my hands.
His eyes moved between it and me, going ice cold.
“You used the mirror… to look at… Stellon?”
He seemed to have trouble getting the words out, his face turning a dark red, and his body going stiff.
When his gaze returned to me, it had changed from ice to fire.
“I gave you a gift. I let you see your family, and this is how you repay me?” he asked. “Is that why you ran away from my castle and nearly got yourself killed? To get back to my brother?”
He was obviously incensed, but I wasn’t intimidated in the least. My own fury was equal to his, if not far more potent.
I left the window seat and did my best to get in his face, driving my pointer finger into his chest. If only it were a dagger.
“You lied,” I said. “You’ve been lying this whole time.”
Pharis blinked down at me and paled.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he said.
“Yes. You do,” I said. “I heard them talking, Pharis.”
I had only wanted to peek in on Stellon, to find out if he was safe and well… and perhaps to learn if the royal wedding had already taken place.
Eavesdropping on his conversation with Princess Mareth had revealed far more than I’d ever expected to find.
“Your father is dead. Stellon is king now,” I said.
“I… I didn’t…” Pharis began.
I cut him off.
“Don’t bother denying that you knew. You have a magic mirror that lets you see anyone anywhere. You’ve been receiving visitors, important regional leaders from throughout the kingdom. There’s no way you didn’t know that your brother had taken the throne.”
Pharis backstepped as I stalked forward. “You’ve been saying I had to stay here because the threat from ‘the King’ was too great for me to be seen alive. And all along you knew the old king was dead.”
A new realization hit me. “You have his Compelling glamour now, don’t you? That’s why your Sway is so strong now.”
A shadow of shame passed through Pharis’ eyes, but he didn’t deny it.
“Yes, he’s dead, and good riddance,” he admitted. “But it’s still not safe for you to be seen out there. The Earthwives will kill you if they find out you’re alive. And Stellon can’t be trusted to protect you.”
“And you can?” I shouted in utter disbelief that he was still defending his decision to lie and trap me here with him.
“For your information, Stellon still loves me,” I said. “I heard him telling Mareth that he’s still hoping his troops will find me alive somewhere in spite of being betrothed to Lady Helina of Nordica. He’s been looking non-stop since that day in the arena.”
How could I ever have put my faith in Pharis— and even let myself fall for him again—when good and faithful Stellon had been searching for me all these months?
“Let me tell you about that day in the arena,” Pharis growled.
He grabbed my shoulders and drew me close while I fought futilely to restore the distance between us.
Barely suppressed energy charged beneath his flushed skin, heating my skin as well.
Lacing every word with menace, Pharis stared down into my eyes.
“Your precious Stellon did nothing to save you. He was willing to watch you die at the end of the hangman’s noose.”
He took a ragged breath, releasing me and raking a hand through his hair.
“I was willing to burn down the entire kingdom for you. I let my own father die in dragonfire. And yes, I stole his Compeller glamour. For you.”
“Stellon chose safety and security,” he said. “I. Chose. You.”
I was paralyzed, unable to look away as he went on.
“And I would do it all again, no matter how many others had to die, so that you could live. I will always choose you.”
He blew out a breath, seeming drained. “Hate me if you want to. I won’t apologize for that.”
For a long moment, we just stared at each other as the heat in his blue topaz eyes branded an indelible mark on my soul.
And then I broke the standoff, surging upward to wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull myself up to reach his mouth.
At first Pharis didn’t respond, standing stock still as if paralyzed, his lips unmoving. Then it was like a dam inside him burst.
He clasped my face between his hands and kissed me with the kind of passion I dreamed of, the way he only did when I’d managed to sneak past his defenses and temporarily dismantle his self-control.
I prayed he’d lose it fully this time and finally admit what we both knew—he was my destiny, and I was his.
The kiss went on, growing deeper, more ravenous. My hands caressed his powerful form, clinging to him desperately, grappling in a wordless plea.
Claim me. Take me. Make me yours forever.
From Pharis’ mind, I heard a fervent response.
You are mine.
Yes. Yes yes yes, it was finally happening.
Then as suddenly as he’d grabbed me, Pharis let me go, jerking himself away and turning to dig his fingertips into the tapestry wall covering.
It took me a second to recover my wits. I went to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my cheek to his back. He was breathing like he’d just run for miles.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. Something obviously was.
His shirt was damp with perspiration, and he smelled amazing, even more enticing than he usually did.
Pharis spun around, forming a manacle around my wrists with his strong fingers.
“You shouldn’t touch me right now,” he wheezed. “I… don’t want—”
“What? Don’t want what?”
“This,” he said. “I don’t want this. I need to stop.”
His breathless denial was almost laughable. If he wanted me any more, he might burst into literal flames.
I wriggled my hands from his grip. “I don’t understand. Why do you always do this? Are you reluctant to bond yourself to a mere half-Elven woman? Worried that I might die, and you’ll be left with the mark for all eternity, unable to take another bond-mate?”
Pharis looked at me with hooded eyes, still appearing as though he wanted to eat me alive.
“You’d be worth it.”
My heart flared with hope, and my hands went back to his body, running up to his chest then downward, craving him, loving the powerful hard feel of him more than anything I’d ever felt.
“Then bond with me, Pharis,” I pleaded. “End this charade and make me your bond-mate.”
He grabbed my hands again, pushing them behind my back. A move that served to lift my chest and press it against his.
“No,” he said in a strained, graveled tone. “That can’t happen.”
But he still held me against him, and I could still feel the rampaging energy pulsing from his body to mine.
“This is right. You know it is,” I whispered, kissing his chest, the only part of him I could reach. “It’s what we both want. Pharis, I—”
“No,” he cut me off, his voice rough with unsated lust.
It was obvious he was lying… but what could I do? I couldn’t force the man to bond with me, nor would I want a man who had to be forced.
Looking up at the underside of his hardened jawline, I said, “Fine. You don’t want me. In that case, you won’t mind taking me back to your brother. He’s not married yet. He’s still unbonded. If I hurry, I think I can make it there in time to stop the wedding.”
Pharis set me back from him enough to glare at me. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not taking you to Stellon.”
“Then I’ll go myself.”
He snorted. “You’d never survive the journey alone. You proved that the other night.”
“I survived a dragon, I think I can manage a few days on horseback.” I stalked to the bedroom door. “I’m taking one of your horses, by the way.”
In a flash, Pharis moved to the door and pressed a large hand against it, towering over me and preventing me from opening it.
“Like hell you are.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “Fine. I’ll leave while you’re sleeping. You can’t stay awake forever.”
“I’ll assign guards to watch your every move, day and night,” he threatened.
“Then I’ll refuse to eat,” I said. “I’m already feeling pretty weak. It shouldn’t take too long for my body to wither and die from starvation.”
Pharis’ face was savage. “I won’t let you do that. I’ll force feed you if necessary. I’ll use the combined powers of all my glamours to make you eat.”
“Why?” I demanded, exasperation fraying my voice.
“Tell me why. So you can continue to keep me here and stay maddeningly close but just out of reach? So you can torture me by creating desires you never intend to fulfill?”
“So I can keep you safe,” he said.
“You ridiculed Stellon for caring about safety above all else. I don’t want to be safe, Pharis. I want to be loved. If you won’t do it, then maybe Stellon will.”
Pharis’ voice turned vicious.
“He didn’t even fight for you. And he gets rewarded for that?”
“He gets rewarded for being a good man, an honest man who’s up front about his feelings,” I said. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go back to him and stop the wedding.”
There was a stretch of silence so long I thought Pharis wasn’t going to respond, but finally he did.
“I’ll give you a very good reason,” he said. “On the night of the ball, Stellon asked me to glean the matchmaker’s glamour and use it to help him locate the best match for him among all the ladies in attendance.”
“And?” I prodded, my heart racing.
“It told me you were the worst match for him out of everyone there. My horse would be a better match for you than Stellon.”
“And apart from Dargan and Cimmerian, did her glamour identify a better match for me?” I challenged.
Pharis’ gaze darted around nervously, and my fear-sensing glamour was blaring with certainty. He was terrified for me to know the answer.
Which made me all the more desperate to hear it.
I was daring him to confess he was in love with me, that we were meant to be together.
He didn’t. Instead, he looked away and evaded the question.
“It doesn’t matter. Stellon’s wrong for you.”
“And yet he loves me,” I said. “And he’s willing to act on it. I can’t live a life devoid of love, Pharis. I won’t. So either let me go… or give me a reason to stay. A real one.”
Pharis closed his eyes, a parade of conflicting emotions passing over his face.
Finally, he opened them and then opened the door.
“Tell Kem to pack your things quickly. We’ll have to leave tonight if you want to arrive before the wedding takes place.”