Chapter 17 What You Most Want To See
What You Most Want To See
Pharis
For the next several days, Raewyn didn’t leave her room. She’d informed her ladies’ maid and Elanor alike that she did not want any visitors.
Hoping to entice her to dinner, I sent up a new dress in her favorite color—pink—only to find it a short time later lying on the floor beneath the second story gallery.
On the third day of Raewyn’s self-imposed isolation, Kem came to me in my study.
“May I have a word, My Prince?”
“What is it? Is Raewyn asking for me?” I asked eagerly, rising from my chair.
The maid’s face colored slightly, and she looked down before answering.
“No, My Prince. That is what I wished to discuss with you.”
The young woman wrung her hands together in front of her.
“She doesn’t want anything or anyone,” she said. “She’s barely eating enough to stay alive. She won’t even read. She’s either sleeping or sitting in the window seat, staring out the window all day. She hardly speaks when spoken to. I’m worried about her.”
Leaving the study, I went right to the stairs.
Kem followed at my heels. “She doesn’t want to see… anyone, My Prince.”
“That’s too damned bad,” I said over my shoulder. “Because she’s going to. Stay down here.”
The maid stopped on the stairs, and I continued to the top, taking several of them at a time. Striding to the end of the hallway, I charged into Raewyn’s room without knocking.
She sat in the window seat, still in her nightgown, though it was mid-afternoon.
A lunch tray sat beside her, untouched.
She didn’t even turn her head at the sound of my entering.
I went over to the window, towering over her. Still, she did not look up at me, just kept her eyes trained on the window glass.
“Are you sick?” I demanded.
She looked pale and listless. Perhaps Elanor hadn’t healed her completely after her foolish adventure into the cold night.
Raewyn’s answer was a hollow whisper. “No.”
“Then what’s the matter with you? Kem says you’re not eating, you won’t read, you won’t get dressed.”
Raewyn didn’t answer, keeping her eyes averted.
I sat on the window seat as well, crowding her, and reached out to grasp her chin. Beneath my fingers, I felt her jaw harden.
“Raewyn. Look at me.”
She was fighting to keep me from turning her face toward me. Tears flooded her eyes, and I let go of her jaw, afraid I’d hurt her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” At a loss for words, I simply said, “Please.”
Finally, Raewyn let her eyes slide over to meet mine.
“What do you want, Pharis?” she asked.
“I want you to eat. I want you to come downstairs and go for walks and talk to the staff at least, if not to me.”
After a long pause, I said, “I want you to be happy.”
“So Sway me. You seem to have no problem with twisting my mind whenever it suits you,” she said flatly.
“I won’t do it—ever again,” I promised. “Just forgive me and try to be happy here.”
She let out a hopeless laugh. “How can I be happy when I am a prisoner?”
A tear rolled down her face, and I felt my heart rip. I reached out to wipe it away. Raewyn flinched at my touch, which tore it further.
“You’re not a prisoner. This is your home. You want for nothing here, and if you want more, all you have to do is ask. Everyone here loves you.”
Her eyes darkened. “Not everyone.”
She turned her head away again, staring out at the road leading away from Stormcrest.
“I’m lonely, Pharis. I like everyone here, and I’m glad they like me, but they are not my family.”
Her eyes left the window, returning to me.
“I miss having love in my life. I need it.”
The desperate plea in her voice reached inside my chest and shredded what remained of my heart.
“I feel like I’m dying,” she said. “Like I’m vanishing bit by bit.”
Everything inside of me commanded me to take Raewyn in my arms and kiss her, to tell her that she had love and always would—for eternity.
Instead, I rose to my feet and left the room, going to my chambers and returning a few minutes later.
Taking a seat beside her again, I handed her the object I’d retrieved.
She looked at it in obvious confusion, her brow furrowing. Then she looked back up at me.
“A mirror? Why did you give me this? I have no wish to look at myself.”
“It’s not for looking at your reflection,” I explained. “It’s for seeing your family.”
Raewyn’s cheeks pinkened, and life came into her eyes, emphasizing just how dull they’d been moments earlier.
“I can see them with this?” she asked, sitting up straighter and staring at the looking glass. “But how?”
“Auspexiate magic. Auspex Caxton used his glamour to imbue the mirror with the power to see things far away.”
“But I don’t see them.”
She turned the mirror side to side, even shaking it. “Maybe it won’t work for me.”
I smiled at her adorable impatience. “It will, Wildcat. But you have to focus. Gaze into it while thinking of the person you want to see the most.”
Going still, Raewyn held the mirror up in front of her while her expression turned serious and intent. After a minute, she began smiling.
“I see them,” she exclaimed. “I can even hear them.”
Tears streamed down her face, and she began laughing.
“They’re talking about their new cow, what to name her.”
Raewyn’s delighted gaze moved to me. “They have a cow, Pharis.”
I smiled. “I told you they were fine. They have everything they need and want. I’ve made sure of that.”
“Thank you,” she breathed as her eyes returned to the mirror.
“Oh, the girls look so beautiful—and so much older already. I’ve never seen them so plump and healthy. And Papa looks good as well.”
“He’ll be dealing with ardent suitors from the village before you know it,” I said. “And as promised, I’ve made sure the girls have generous dowries.”
“So this is how you’ve been keeping an eye on them,” Raewyn said in wonder. “Why did you not tell me about this before?”
Because I’ve been using it to keep an eye on you. I did not share that thought with her but kept it to myself.
As the mirror showed you what you most wanted to see, it most often held images of Raewyn, wherever she was in the castle and whatever she was doing.
I fell asleep every night gazing at an image of her pretty head on her pillow.
Though I’d never intended to share with Raewyn that I had such an ability, the look on her face now made giving up my little secret more than worthwhile.
She was happy again, and that was all that mattered.
“Have you used the mirror to see your brother and sister?” Raewyn asked.
“On occasion, yes,” I admitted. “We were once very close. I miss them.”
It was true, though seeing them again in person was out of the question. If King Stellon ever found out what I’d done, one of the former “Three Pillars” would be losing its cap.
Nodding, Raewyn went back to staring into the mirror.
And I stared at her, watching her beautiful brown eyes sparkle with wonder at this magic-enabled “visit” to her beloved family.
After a few minutes, though, her expression darkened.
And then those eyes flew up to meet mine, narrowing and turning hard as petrified wood.
“What?” I asked, baffled by the change in her demeanor.
“You know what,” Raewyn growled and turned the mirror around to face me.
In it, an image of my brother and sister conversing together was slowly fading from view.