Chapter 25
With the show up and running, Sive was able to indulge in long lie-ins and lazy afternoons.
As November turned to December and the days got darker and colder, she spent prolonged mornings in bed with Sam and indulgent afternoons snuggled up to him in front of the fire watching old movies and kissing.
To her enormous relief, her morning sickness had abated and she was starting to feel more energetic.
She seemed to live in a permanent state of excitement now, floating in a little bubble of happiness buoyed by the twin excitements of Bean and Sam.
On the second Friday in December she decided to spend the day in town and start her Christmas shopping.
She loved everything about Christmas, even the crowded shops and streets, and she enjoyed looking for the perfect presents for everyone.
She jostled happily along with the throngs on Grafton Street, the glow of the lights overhead and the sparkling shop window displays seeming to warm the chill afternoon air.
She had more gifts to buy this year, with Sam, Rocco and Jonathan all added to her list. She had no idea what to get Sam.
She wanted it to be something special, but she was having trouble coming up with anything.
She’d got used to buying for Ben – a trip to The Great Outdoors and she’d be sorted.
His needs were simple and he had few wants.
He wore clothes until they were literally falling apart, but he was always grateful for a new sweatshirt or pair of hiking socks.
But what did you get for a boyfriend who didn’t need weird equipment for clambering up sheer rock faces or surviving on icy mountain ledges halfway to the clouds?
She’d considered buying Ben a present anyway this year, as he was the father of her child.
But she’d decided it would be weird, not to mention inappropriate now that he was with someone else.
Plus it would be awkward if he didn’t get her anything.
Next year when Bean had arrived, they could do that thing of buying each other presents ‘from the baby’.
She was wandering down Grafton Street pondering what she could get Sam when she saw a woman she vaguely recognised coming towards her, walking a tiny dog on a lead.
It took her a moment to place her, but as she got closer she realised it was Sophie Barron, Sam’s ex.
They’d already seen each other, so it was too late to pretend otherwise.
‘Hi,’ Sive smiled at Sophie, expecting they’d simply acknowledge each other with a quick hello and pass on. It wasn’t as if they knew each other. So she was surprised when Sophie stopped.
‘Hi, Sive.’ She gave a pinched smile. ‘How are you?’
‘Great!’ Sive wondered for a brief moment if Sophie could tell she was pregnant.
But that was impossible. She was only just starting to show, and there was no way Sophie could see her tiny bump through her coat.
She couldn’t see Sophie having Irene’s magical powers of pregnancy detection. Unless someone had told her… ‘You?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Just doing some Christmas shopping,’ Sive said stupidly, lifting her bags. God, this was idiotic. Why had Sophie stopped to talk to her? They had nothing to say to each other.
‘So, you and Sam are together now?’ Sophie said.
‘Yep, that’s right.’
Sophie gave an unpleasant smirk. ‘And how’s that going?’
‘Brilliant!’ Not that it’s any of your business. ‘Sam’s great.’
‘Yeah, he’s a real doll,’ Sophie said bitterly.
‘I think so,’ Sive said staunchly, pretending to take Sophie’s comment as sincere. ‘He’s a lovely boyfriend.’
The little dog at Sophie’s feet gave a whimper and she bent to pick it up. ‘I suppose he has his moments … if you don’t mind playing second fiddle to bloody Julie.’ She rolled her eyes.
Sive frowned, confused.
‘You do know about her?’ Sophie said, stroking the little dog in her arms like a Bond villain.
‘Yes, of course,’ Sive said, not wanting to give Sophie the satisfaction of knowing she’d caught her off guard. ‘I mean, I haven’t met her, but Sam has mentioned her.’
‘Oh, you won’t meet her. But she only has to snap her fingers and Sam goes running. He once abandoned me in the middle of my own birthday dinner because she sent out the bat signal. Women like that make me sick – so needy. He’s never left you hanging in the middle of a date because she called?’
‘No, never.’ Except that time he did. ‘I guess she’s not around much anymore.’
Sophie gave a disbelieving huff. ‘I doubt that. It’s probably just that her husband hasn’t been out of town for a while. You haven’t been with Sam long, right?’
Sive stifled a gasp at the mention of a husband.
‘Just a couple of months.’ But she’d known Sam a lot longer than that and she’d ruled out the possibility of him having a girlfriend because she’d have surely known about it if he had.
They spent so much time together, she’d at least have heard of her, if not met her.
And Sam was so open, he’d have no reason to hide the fact that he was seeing someone.
Unless, of course, he was having an affair with a married woman, snatching any time he could get with her whenever her husband was away …
‘Well, give it time,’ Sophie was saying. ‘I’m not being a bitch, just warning you. She’s one of the reasons Sam and I split up.’
Sive frowned. As far as she knew, Sophie and Sam had split up because she’d dumped him when she realised he was broke.
‘It was like Princess Diana said,’ Sophie continued while Sive’s mind whirled. ‘There were three of us in the relationship, so it was a bit crowded.’
It was all Sive could do not to roll her eyes at this.
‘Well, nice seeing you,’ Sophie said, putting the little dog down. ‘Enjoy the rest of your shopping.’
‘Yeah. You too.’
Sive tried to put what Sophie had said out of her head, but it was impossible.
It preyed on her mind for the rest of the afternoon.
She didn’t get any more shopping done, wandering around in a daze, staring blankly at shop windows, her head full of questions and unable to focus.
Giving up on getting any more done, she went to a little Italian restaurant for an early dinner before heading to the theatre, mulling over Sophie’s words as she ate a bowl of ricotta and spinach ravioli.
She hated that Sophie had put doubts in her mind about Sam.
Everything she knew about him told her that it couldn’t be true – that Julie was just a friend and Sophie was mistaken about their relationship.
But she couldn’t deny that he had abandoned her mid-date that one time, behaving just as Sophie had described.
Within minutes of getting a call from Julie, he’d been jumping into a cab to be with her, leaving Sive standing alone and bewildered on the pavement.
She pictured him pacing outside the restaurant when he was talking on the phone to her.
From his facial expressions and body language, it had clearly been an intense conversation.
Sam had seemed upset, somewhat distraught.
Maybe it was just as he’d said, and Julie was simply a friend who was having some kind of crisis. But if she was such a good friend, why hadn’t Sam mentioned her more often? Why had Sive never met her? She didn’t seem to be a big part of his life.
She sighed wearily. If Sam was in a relationship with a married woman, it couldn’t be a very happy one if he could only see Julie when her husband was out of town, which didn’t seem to happen very often.
Maybe he was trying to move on – maybe he already had?
Perhaps he’d been breaking up with her that night and it was over now?
She hated the thought of confronting him about it, but she had to know for sure.
She couldn’t live with this uncertainty, and she didn’t think she could bear to be with Sam knowing that even a little piece of him belonged to someone else.
She was all in with him and she needed to know that he was all in with her.
As she got ready for the show that night, she’d never been more grateful for work to still her thoughts and take her mind off everything. For the next couple of hours she could hit pause on her own life and be somewhere – and someone – else.
Being around Sam again calmed her because try as she might, she couldn’t see him having a grubby clandestine affair. He was the most forthright, transparent person she knew and the more she thought about it, the more convinced she was that what Sophie had said wasn’t true.
‘You’re very quiet,’ Sam said later as they made their way home on the tram.
‘Just tired.’
‘Good day shopping?’ He nodded to the bags at her feet.
‘Yeah, pretty good.’ She wanted to talk to Sam about what Sophie had said. It was all very well trusting him, but it wasn’t enough. She’d trusted Ben. She needed to know for sure where she stood. But she wanted to wait until they were home, so she fell silent as they walked to her house.
‘Cup of tea?’ she asked as she took off her coat in the hall.
‘Yes, please.’
They went to the kitchen and she flicked on the kettle. ‘I ran into an old friend of yours today, actually,’ she said, her back to Sam.
‘Oh? Who?’
‘Sophie.’ She turned to face him. He was sitting at the table, his hands clasped together on its surface.
His eyes widened. ‘I think the word you’re looking for is “former”,’ he said with a laugh. ‘Former friend. What did she have to say for herself?’
Sive shrugged. ‘Not much.’ She made tea and brought the two mugs to the table, sitting opposite Sam. ‘Why did you two break up?’
‘She dumped me when she found out I was broke. I don’t blame her, really.’ He shrugged. ‘It wasn’t much fun.’
‘And there wasn’t … anyone else?’
‘No.’ He frowned. ‘I mean, she did get with Hugo pretty quickly afterwards, but I don’t think she was cheating before we’d broken up.’
‘I meant for you?’
‘No.’ He seemed genuinely startled by the idea. ‘Why would you think that?’
‘What about Julie?’
‘Julie?’ He frowned.
‘That’s who you went to meet that night we went to the Abbey, right?’
‘Yes? I told you that, didn’t I? She’s just a mate.’
‘Sophie seemed to think she was more than that.’ Sam’s mouth was gaping open and he looked so completely stunned, Sive felt sorry for him.
‘She said it was one of the reasons you split up.’ She sighed.
‘Look, I know Julie’s married and you can’t help who you have feelings for.
I get it if you’re trying to move on. That’s great.
But you can’t do that with me. I need someone who’s all in. ’
‘You think I’m having an affair with Julie?’ Sam said slowly, looking dazed.
‘Sophie told me you were. And maybe it’s over now, but—’
‘Why on earth would Sophie say that? She actually told you that I cheated on her with Julie?’
Sive thought back to what Sophie had said and realised she hadn’t – at least, not in so many words.
‘Well … not exactly. But she said she had to play second fiddle to her all the time, and that you’d go running whenever she called – like you did when we were out that night.
And she said that you only see her when her husband’s out of town. ’
‘Wow!’ Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, blinking dazedly. ‘Okay, there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Julie, and never has been. She’s married – happily – and she’s just a friend. Sophie knows this.’
‘So how come I’ve never heard about her more?’ Sive asked. ‘I believe you,’ she added hastily. ‘But I never hear of you hanging out with her.’
‘She’s not that kind of friend. She’s someone I know from Gamblers Anonymous. I’ve been … helping her, I guess. Trying to, anyway.’
‘You’re like her sponsor?’
‘Yeah. She’s still struggling with the programme and she finds it hard when her husband’s away.
He’s supportive, but he travels a lot for work – not so much now, but he used to.
That’s what happened that night we were out.
She was having a bit of a crisis. She’s had a couple of relapses before when he was away – though nothing like as many as Sophie would have you believe.
That running out on her to meet Julie happened precisely twice, and she never let me forget it. ’
‘Did she know who Julie was?’
Sam took a sip of tea and nodded. ‘Yeah.’
‘So she knew there was nothing to worry about. That you were just helping out a friend in trouble.’
Sam shrugged. ‘She still resented it. She thought she should be my only focus.’
Sive sighed. ‘God, I feel awful now for accusing you of having an affair.’ She reached across the table, relieved when Sam took her offered hand. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s fine.’ He smiled. ‘I can imagine how Sophie made it sound. But Julie had nothing to do with me and her breaking up. That was all about me not having any money.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘It was the one good thing that came out of my gambling, because that would have been a disaster.’
‘It’s an ill wind. And just so you know, I’d never resent you helping out a friend in need. I love that about you. And I’m not that sort of girlfriend.’
Sam smiled. ‘I know you’re not.’
‘You know, I think Ben and I would have been a disaster too,’ she said musingly. ‘Not in the same way.’ She smiled. ‘I think we’d always have been nice to each other … kind, you know. And it would have been fine in its way … as long as we didn’t know any better.’
A smug grin spread across Sam’s face. ‘And now you know better?’
‘Now I know so much better.’