24. Rule #23
DON’T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANYMORE… YOU MIGHT FORGET WHAT YOU WERE FIGHTING FOR
SONNY
I’ve had this GamerCon appearance locked in for almost a year. If not for that, I probably would’ve canceled. Talking to John has helped, but it doesn’t fix the ache in my chest. He suggests I hunt her down on social media, find her, her family, anyone.
It’s a sound suggestion, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
It feels weird, invasive, and too desperate.
Plus, I don’t really do social media in the first place.
My accounts are all managed by marketing managers, and I’d have to create an account just to spy on her and try to get her details.
That many steps feel like a creep-level amount of effort.
Besides, I am terrified of what I’d see, like old posts of her with Trevor. Or worse, new ones. The mere thought has me seeing green.
At least the Con will provide a good distraction.
The convention center is huge, and even though we have arrived early, it is already full of cars and people walking up.
We are led to a back door guarded by men wearing dark sunglasses, and we enter a green room stocked with snacks and bottles of water.
I look through the bags of chips, and my hand stops on a bag of banana chips.
I am immediately brought back to that night, that dinner; the sweet, chewy fried plantains that melted in my mouth.
“Anything good?” My business partner, Ben, breaks into my thoughts.
“Nope,” I say, returning the bag and grabbing a bottle of water instead. “Nothing exciting, just the same old stuff.”
I wonder how long until this feeling will last; this emptiness.
Stop that. Get your head in the game.
I turn my attention to my notes and focus on the upcoming panel.
A few hours later, we are on the stage, rounding out what should be the last question.
It has gone well. The audience is large and lively.
They have set up some nice, comfy chairs, a moderator, and a few facilitators in the audience passing around mics so that we can take questions.
The questions have been insightful and teeming with excitement.
I’ve gotten really into it, and for a while I lose myself in the experience.
The moderator, a nice woman named Marci, is saying, “Well, if there aren’t any other questions…” when a guitar riff sounds out from the audience.
Marci looks around, confused. I squint against the stage lights, trying to find the source of the music, which I can now tell is REO Speedwagon’s " Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore. I spot someone standing in the middle of the crowd, holding something over their head… is that a boombox?
I get up and walk to the front of the stage to get a better look. I catch security moving out of the corner of my eye. I put up a hand to stop them.
“No, wait,” I say. They look around, confused, but stop moving in.
My heart quickens as I confirm it’s Cai, standing in the middle of the crowd, holding up a boombox, like John Cusack in Say Anything. There is a sign around her neck in glitter that says:
I’M SORRY I WAS AN IDIOT.
I WAS WRONG.
I SHOULD’VE TOLD YOU SOONER.
I’m dumbfounded; my mouth hangs open. Cai looks nervous but determined. The chorus hits, and she starts belting it out, very loudly and very off-key, unashamed.
I laugh into my mic. “Cai… that’s not the song from Say Anything.”
She stops singing and lowers the boombox to her chest. “Yes, it is! I’m pretty sure it is!” She yells back.
The crowd erupts in laughter. Someone hands her a microphone.
“Nah, sorry, babe, it’s not,” I say, grinning so wide it hurts. “That would be Peter Gabriel, In Your Eyes.”
Cai looks at the boombox like it has betrayed her. “Seriously? Are you sure?” She kills the music. “Ok, but …is it working? The grand gesture and all?”
She looks up at me, body rigid in anticipation.
My chest cracks wide open. “Yeah,” I say, voice rough. “It’s working.”
“Ok, good, because I’m already messing this up.
” She takes a shaky breath. “I know as an aspiring writer, I should be better at communicating, but I tried to memorize this, all the things I feel and all the things my family was yelling at me, but I just couldn’t.
So here’s the messy version: I’m so sorry.
I was an idiot about games. I was wrong about you.
I never should’ve been with Trevor, and I definitely shouldn’t have ever chased him, but I can’t regret it, because it’s how I met you.
It’s what put me in the path of the storm, and put me on the path to here and now. ”
The audience is silent now, hanging on to every word.
“Cai, let me get this straight,” I say. “You had your entire chaotic Cuban family involved in this, flew across the country, and still managed to pick the wrong song?”
“I got nervous! They hadn’t seen the movie, and so when I told them how you made that reference on the plane, I had to explain it to them.” Then she cocks her head to the side and says, “Are you sure it’s not Can’t Fight That Feeling Anymore?”
I can’t hold back any longer; I jump off the stage and make a beeline for Cai. “Positive,” I say as I get to her, take her face in my hands, and kiss her.
The entire audience cheers like we’ve just platinumed a game. When we pull apart, I look at Cai’s beautiful, flushed, beaming face. I think my heart might burst from happiness.
“You didn’t need the boombox. You didn’t need the sign. You didn’t even need the right song, though I’m never letting you live that one down.” Soft laughter ripples through the hall, but my expression stays serious, focused only on Cai.
“I’ve spent the last few days trying to convince myself that what needs to be will be.
That maybe you only saw my celebrity, not who I am.
But standing here, looking at you holding that ridiculous glitter sign your whole family clearly helped make…
” I can’t help but smile as I picture the whole family having a conference, armed with glue, glitter, and raised voices. “I realize I was being an idiot, too.”
“I don’t care that you hate video games.
” The audience gasps when I say that. “I don’t care that you had an ex, or that you lied to your family, or that you showed up during a hurricane chasing the wrong guy.
None of that changes how I feel about you.
Because the woman I met on that plane, the one who choked on gum, defended her chaotic family, and still found the courage to be real with a stranger, that’s the woman I fell for. ”
The crowd starts cheering again, so loud this time that I can’t hear what Cai was saying back. Ok, enough show.
“Come on,” I say, and grab her hand to lead her out of the room. Security meets us at the door and lets us back in to my room, where I can hear again.
I grab her face in my hands again, wanting to make sure she was real. “You are really here…”
Cai averts her eyes, blushing. “I was trying to say, I don’t hate video games. Also, you are way better at speaking off the cuff than I am!”
“I’ve been practicing my whole life. For you, I realize now,” I wink at her, and she looks confused.
I’m about to explain when Ben cuts in, “Hey, boss, we have that big meeting in an hour. You are going to make it, right?” Ben looks nervously between us, surely wanting to stress the urgency without overstepping.
I look at my watch. Shit, he’s right; I have just under an hour, actually. “Yeah, let’s have them pull the car around.”
Cai fidgets next to me. “What are you going to be doing? Did you drive here?”
“No, I took an Uber. I can probably go back to my apartment in Scottsdale. I’m just not sure if Trevor is there. I gave him two weeks to get out. I was going to try and avoid him, but I can go by and…”
“No!” I say too quickly. “I mean, why don’t you come back to mine? We can have dinner after I finish up with work stuff…”
Her face lights up. “Sure!” I only just now noticed that she is wearing black leggings, a black long-sleeved shirt, and a small makeshift insignia on the right side.
It’s the holographic tutorial character from my Silent Knights game, modeled after Seven of Nine from Star Trek: Voyager.
She has dressed up like one of my characters from my game!
“Are you Dee Dud from Silent Knights?” I ask, trying not to stare too long at the fullness of her hips.
Cai nods emphatically. I wrap her in a bear hug, not sure I trust myself to kiss her again, and stop. “Cai, you are making me wish I could pause the whole launch!”
“Don’t do that!” She looks at me, concerned.
I caress her sweet, distressed face with my thumb.
“I won’t,” I say. “But be patient with me over the next few weeks, ok?”
She nods, and all I can think is how there is no way I am going to leave her side again.