Chapter 38
Chapter
Thirty-Eight
ALLIE
W hat was impossible was falling asleep.
I tossed and turned underneath the duvet Mrs. Thornbrew had once again folded in my absence, but no sleep fluttered behind my eyelids. Not even the hot bath after we returned to the fortress had done anything to mollify the icy feeling that had wormed its way in my veins.
A fallen star.
A magical fallen star that protected the crater and was apparently bleeding and putting all of us in danger.
Yet, none of this harsh, cold information stomped against my brain as much as that deep sadness I felt in the star’s wail.
Was it hurting? Did it feel pain?
My eyes flew open.
That was ridiculous.
It was a piece of magical rock, it didn’t have feelings and it definitely didn’t need my sympathy.
I kept tossing in my bed, trying to force myself to ignore the little sounds of Ryker going about his business in the room pressed against mine.
Just like he had been–among his family’s graves, no less.
If my mind hadn’t been so frantic right now, I might have felt ashamed. Maybe even blushed.
But my mind whirled.
I knew what this was–searching for missing pieces, the neverending quest of my life.
Kissing Ryker had momentarily quieted that part of me, but now the questions were back with a vengeance.
Something didn’t add up, but I didn’t know what.
I didn’t have enough knowledge about Solkar’s Rays and Song to know what I didn’t know. Me seeing and hearing them was some cosmic anomaly I couldn’t account for.
But that’s not what my thoughts were trying to focus on.
Something Ryker had said…but what?
Bleeding.
Protecting.
Fallen star…
I still couldn’t believe he’d shown me the heart of his realm. That could become very dangerous information in greedy, bloodthirsty hands.
Luckily, I had no interest in conquering other realms.
I couldn’t even protect my own.
But that proved a level of trust I hadn’t expected. He’d also revealed his name and–
I leaped out of the bed as if scalded as the puzzle piece finally fell into place.
In the next breath, uncaring that I was wearing the barest of silk slips–the heat in my room was no joke–I raced to the door separating my room from Ryker’s.
As much as I wanted to yank the door off its hinges, I respected his privacy as much as he did mine.
Instead, I knocked.
Fine, pummelled the door with my fists.
My strength was coming back day by day and I apparently wanted to use all that energy on fighting this thick piece of wood–and losing.
Only silence came from the other end.
He’d been flitting around and pacing only minutes before, I’d heard him.
Ryker couldn’t be sleeping that deeply…could he? Nothing could have happened to him insides his own rooms…I hoped.
I knocked again, louder.
If this door wouldn’t open in the next few seconds, I was not above kicking it–
The door swung open so fast, I barely had time to jump out of its way.
I opened my mouth to argue, only to snap it shut.
Because in front of me was a ripped, dripping-wet Commander, with nothing but a towel covering his waist. My heart dropped somewhere near my ankles as my mouth went dry .
His eyes sparked as they roamed up and down my body.
“You’re not hurt,” he said, sounding relieved and confused all at once.
“I–” I shook my head. Focus, Vegheara. Sculpted chest and abs are to be admired and relived in your mind later, not now . “Why would I be hurt?”
“Because you were trying to bust my door down as if a pack of trolls had entered your room.” He sighed in relief and leaned against the doorframe. He crossed his arms in front of his chest–his broad, muscled, wet chest–which only made the muscles of his arms bunch up even more. “What’s up?”
The heat in my cheeks, for one. Ryker in a leather and fur uniform was already hard to resist, but having him naked and on full display was impossible not to salivate over.
From the little smirk on his face, he knew what effect he was having on me and loved seeing me flustered.
I blinked and shook my head once more, trying to dislodge the wicked thoughts away. The same ones he’d stoked back in that crypt.
“Why did you meet with the Northern Clans today?” I asked.
My question landed like a bucket of ice over the slowly-building tension in the room.
The smirk fell from Ryker’s face. He even averted his gaze, which was so out of character for a man who used his gaze to uncover in the same way I used my mind, that I got worried.
“Ryker?” His name on my lips suddenly sounded that much more limited here, in our rooms, where we were truly alone. “What’s going on?”
He’d said he hadn’t seen his former allies in years and had been activated by me asking about the Ashrift Clan. Something was wrong.
Very wrong, judging by the way he kept on working his jaw–and not saying anything.
“Hey,” I said, voice gentler than I ever heard it. I took a cautious step toward him. “Talk to me.”
“That’s just it.” He huffed a sad laugh. “If I tell you, you won’t look at me the same. Nobody will.”
He sounded like my grimmest thoughts. The ones held only by someone who’d been told the truth was too much too many times.
But alarm bells blared in my ears all the same. “Try me.”
“It has nothing to do with you.” He shook his head.
The shadows were crowding his eyes once more. But the way his shoulders slackened, defeated, truly worried me.
Ryker was a force of nature. One who had faced the storm inside of me, then tried his damndest to bring it out of me again when everything inside of me felt dead and frozen.
He’d said he hoped I’d do the same for him.
He’d helped me fight my ghosts.
I wanted to battle his away as well.
“Doesn’t matter.” I took another step, just as slow as the first, but more determined. “Does it have something to do with the crater?”
He nodded.
“With the fallen star?” I asked.
He nodded once more. If he clenched his jaw tighter, he’d corrode his teeth down to the gums.
“Then it has everything to do with me,” I declared with more certainty than I felt. But The Huntress was slowly crawling back up toward the light. Gods, I’d missed her.
Ryker frowned. “How’d you figure?”
“What’s mine is yours, darling . Isn’t that what you said during the contract negotiation? I don’t need to share your family jewels. I want to share your responsibilities. Your successes. Your failures. Though let’s have more triumphs than defeats, okay? We still have a reputation.”
In the stillness that followed, apprehension pierced my heart.
What if I said too much too soon?
That wasn’t a thing I worried about usually, but emotions had never been my forte–and I’d never had to face a man like him .
Instead of the tension deepening or the atmosphere turning awkward, Ryker surprised me once more.
He tilted his head back, neck so exposed I saw a droplet of water cascading down his skin, and let out a rumbling laugh. It was so deep and raw, I wondered how my room didn’t shake.
“How can you say something so sweet and genuine and still make it sound like a threat?” he asked between laughs.
The heat in my cheeks turned into a blaze. “Well, that’s my secret. I’ll share it if you share yours.”
That damn silence fell upon us again.
My sigh filled it. “Ryker–”
“Hearing my name come out of your mouth isn’t helping, Allie.”
I ignored the flutters in my stomach. “Then what will?”
His arms tensed. “Can your Protectorate powers turn back time?”
“If I did, my father would be standing here.” My heart trembled with that same pain. It hadn’t lessened, but maybe releasing it, day by day, word by word, would do it.
In time.
Ryker sighed once more, the sound draining me as much as him. It was strange, how attuned I’d become to his emotions and him to mine. But I couldn't pull at that particular thread, not yet, too afraid of what it might reveal when it would unravel.
I wasn’t too afraid to face Ryker as I felt him burrowing deeper into a grim pit, though.
Just like he’d done for me.
I stuck out my hip and placed a hand on it, just like a Vegheara brat. “You want me to start guessing? We both know this mind of mine will get the answer eventually.”
He released another sudden laugh, which seemed ripped from his very essence.
Ryker leaned his head against the doorframe, looking at me with half-hooded lids that would have surely made me stutter if I wasn’t so curious.
“Damn you,” he muttered, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.
“Damn you for making me laugh when all I want is to rip Clans apart with my bare hands. Damn you for bursting into my life, driving me mad and wild, making me worry about you and want to protect you. But, most of all, damn you for making me want to do things I swore I never would.”
Me ? Damn him for making my heart leap with one smoldering look and a few words. But, gods, those were good words.
“Curse and flattery won’t solve this,” I said, voice more wispy than I would have liked.
“No, but it needed to be said.” He straightened from the wall and I thought I’d finally be free of ignoring his bulging arms. Just for a moment.
But the bastard instead hooked his hands on the top of the doorframe, his entire body on display.
His muscles tightened down his abdomen and that towel was holding onto his hips by an inch of fabric. “Are you done ogling me?”
My eyes snapped back to his. I hadn’t even noticed they’d traveled down his gorgeous, gorgeous body. The gods had really sculpted him well.
A vein of shame beat in my heart. Had I worn my attraction so plainly on my face?
Showing any soft emotions always got me in trouble. If people knew what you wanted, they could use it against you.
I gulped. “As soon as you stop putting yourself on display in the best angles.”
“Living with you will be absolutely thrilling.”
“Then start talking if you want to keep on living. And stop trying to distract me.” I took another step toward him, so close that his breath ghosted my forehead and sent even more tingles down my spine. “What’s going on, Ryker?”
His jaw ticked.
Once.