Chapter 9 #2
“Neil, try to get ahold of yourself. Please.” Logan spoke to him in his usual calm, tolerant fashion. A few more steps and he would be able to touch Neil, but instead he paused a little ways away, perhaps seeking permission to continue. Neil gave him a suspicious look and backed up.
“Okay, I’m stopping here,” Logan said, correctly interpreting Neil’s standoffish look. “Can I… Can I just see what happened?” He stretched out an arm in Neil’s direction, open palm face-up.
Neil’s golden eyes flicked down at him, but once again, he didn’t seem capable of communicating normally. He somehow looked like a scared child and a dangerous man at the same time. His imposing frame loomed over Logan’s and his broad shoulders spoke his insurmountable strength.
His whole body was a tight bundle of muscles and nerves. The bulging veins on the back of his hands showed the rising rage that he was trying to tamp down in any way he could. He shook his head again and touched his hair nervously. A move he always made when he was feeling anxious.
“I’m going to go… I… I… I’m going,” he muttered confusedly. He stepped back and took a deep breath.
“Neil…” Logan tried to call his brother back, but he raced out of the room.
None of us commented on what had just happened after Neil left. We were all shocked speechless.
After lunch, I went to my room to chat with Alyssa. I found out that she couldn’t stand Neil but that Logan didn’t know that because Alyssa was afraid she’d lose her boyfriend if he found out how much she disliked his older brother.
“I think he’s completely off his rocker.” She twirled her index finger around her temple, and I glanced at her in the mirror. I was brushing my hair while Alyssa talked about Neil.
“We don’t know what might have happened to make him that way,” I responded shortly. I was irritated by the flippant way she was talking about Neil. First of all, she barely knew the man. Second, I felt this primal urge to come to his defense, especially now that I knew some of the truth about him.
“I get why the girls at school are content just to fuck him. I mean…that’s all you can really expect from a guy like Neil.
They say he’s a beast in the sack,” she said boldly as she lay on my bed and perused her red fingernails.
Though I’d told Alyssa a lot about me and Neil, I’d never gone into specifics about his skills in bed.
She’d tried to get me to spill the beans in the past, but I was deliberately vague, and I recognized this as another attempt to coax more details out of me.
But Alyssa, like most everyone else, was making the mistake of judging Neil solely on his physical appearance. Neil was more than what he showed to the world, though.
“He’s not a sex object.” I quit brushing my hair and switched to applying makeup.
“How are things going between you two anyway?” Alyssa watched me curiously as I applied mascara.
“They’re not going at all.” I sighed. I hadn’t told her what happened at the beach.
If I had told her that Mr. Disaster had treated me like crap and then rejected me, she would think I was an idiot for continuing to pursue him.
Sometimes I even thought that about myself but then I thought about what Neil had gone through during his childhood and my anger gave way to understanding.
“I figured,” Alyssa murmured. “I’ve seen him with Jennifer a lot since you’ve been gone,” she added. I froze with my mascara wand in midair and stared sharply at her through the mirror’s reflection. I had long suspected that Jennifer was back in the rotation, but knowing it for sure hurt.
I turned to Alyssa and fought for a breath. Jealousy had my lungs locked up. My stomach swam with nausea.
“Where?” I asked in a small voice.
Alyssa chewed on the inside of her cheek and gave me a shamefaced look. She obviously regretted telling me.
“Enough about that guy. Come on!” She hopped up off the bed and approached me, looking beautiful as ever.
Sometimes I really admired how charming and confident she was.
“Why don’t you come out with us tonight?
” She took me by the shoulders and gave me a vigorous shake—the way she always did when she was trying to convince me to say yes to one of her suggestions.
“And be the third wheel while you and Logan cuddle up and make out? No, thanks,” I said teasingly, and she arched a disappointed eyebrow.
“Oh, come on. We’ve never made you feel like that,” she huffed, and that was true, but I still didn’t want to crash her night with Logan. They were a couple, and if they decided to switch it up and spend a few hours alone, I would have been in the way.
Just then, there was a knock at the door, and we both turned to see Logan, who had poked his head inside to peer at us.
“There you are. I should have put money on finding you in here.” He walked in, grinning.
“I’m trying to convince Selene to come out with us tonight.” Alyssa put her hands on her hips, trying to recruit her boyfriend to the arduous task of changing my mind.
“I agree with you completely. Selene, be ready at nine, no excuses,” Logan ordered, making me roll my eyes.
Then he went over to Alyssa and wrapped his arms around her waist. He made a few affectionate movements and whispered something into her ear.
His girlfriend giggled mischievously and winked at me.
“You know, this is exactly what I was talking about when I said I didn’t want to be a third wheel.
” I went red and slipped out of the room before I was forced to witness something much more embarrassing.
I went down to the kitchen in a huff; thoughts of Neil were still spinning around in my head.
After his outburst at lunch, he’d vanished.
Maybe he went out? Or maybe he’d fled to the pool house?
Who knew?
Maybe Anna could help me out with that question?
After grabbing a pack of shelled pistachios that I knew he’d like from the pantry, I left the kitchen and found Anna in the living room, focused on polishing the silverware. I joined her.
“Miss Anna, do you know where Neil is?” I asked bluntly, which made her turn to face me. She looked at me with a kindly expression and smiled when she saw the packet I was holding. She jerked her chin toward the garden.
I thanked her and went outside. I rubbed my arms, clad only in a basic white sweater.
The air was cold, and I hadn’t thought to put on a coat.
The sun had already set, and it would be nine in about an hour.
I was supposed to be getting ready to go out with Logan and Alyssa, but I decided then and there that I was going to make up some excuse to get out of it.
I wasn’t in the mood for parties or clubs.
With my mind made up, I looked around for my Disaster, but there was no sign of him. The chaise lounges by the pool where he often sat and smoked were all empty.
I frowned as I paused in the middle of the patio and looked over at the pool house. The light was on, which meant…
A sudden bout of nerves made my legs tremble.
I had no positive memories of that building, which was where Neil used to go to be with his lovers. I vividly recalled the two episodes I’d witnessed in there, and I definitely didn’t want to repeat that experience.
I sighed, undecided about what I should do. I knew that he was furious, and I just wanted to make him feel better.
Wait, though…
Who in the family would have torn his drawings up?
It seemed impossible and yet someone had done it and incited all his fury.
Almost without noticing, I had brought myself to the front door of the pool house. I clenched my hand into a fist and raised it, ready to knock and alert him to my presence, but then I hesitated.
What if Jennifer opened the door in sexy underwear or, even worse, completely naked?
I let my hand fall slowly and took a step back because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to take a sight like that. My disappointment would have been too obvious. I might have even cried, and that bitch would have just laughed at me.
No, it had been a stupid idea to go looking for him in the first place. I needed to get out of there.
I looked down at the bag of pistachios I held in my hand for him, and I felt so small.
Just a girl trying to act like a woman with a man who carried his own hell around inside him.
It was one of those moments when I vacillated between full courage and complete insecurity.
I took a deep breath, trying to remind myself of all the things that had driven me to come back to New York, even if only for a weekend.
Then I managed to make myself knock. Three soft, fast raps, and I hoped deep down that there wasn’t a woman in there. It made me feel pathetic, and the wait that followed was all the more terrible for it.
How much time passed? Two, three, or four seconds? And yet it felt like forever.
I shrugged and was about to leave when…
The door opened, and Neil stood before me in just his black boxers.
He radiated a rare beauty and an eroticism so intense that it completely annihilated my ability to speak.
I opened my mouth, intending to say something, anything, but his seminude body was just too distracting. I couldn’t get a single word out as my eyes roamed over every bit of him, ending on the only piece of clothing he was wearing.
I forced myself to look up at his face and found him staring back at me.
My soul was drawn into those golden eyes and I felt an inescapable weakness moving over me.
I swallowed, but my tongue felt thick and my throat was dry, and I couldn’t get out the speech I’d prepared.
A tick in his jaw and the tension of his muscles told me all about how enraged he still was. I’d made a mistake coming for him, I realized belatedly. He wanted to be alone. Or maybe I had interrupted him with one of his blonds and pissed him off.
“Uh…”
Come on, Selene, you can do better than this, I thought.