Chapter 18 #4
“Almost there…” he growled, his breathing labored as he rested his forehead against mine.
I let myself get lost in his lush, shining lips; his sweaty face was twisted in pleasure.
A pleasure that I felt sure only I could give him.
I didn’t say that to him, though, and just enjoyed the guttural, masculine sounds of his moans as I gave him all of me, just like he’d asked.
I stared into his eyes and tried to hold out against his power, his lusty body crashing vigorously into me, his stamina seemingly inexhaustible.
Then, finally, after what felt like an endless number of powerful thrusts, I felt him go stiff and motionless inside me.
He squeezed the sheets in his fists and his biceps twitched.
The lines of the Māori-style tattoo there seemed to move around his gleaming, sweaty arm.
The bed stopped squealing. I stopped breathing.
My heartbeat slowed as his honey-colored eyes looked into mine and stayed there.
He was coming out of his bubble—coming to me.
Neil watched me, his eyes heavy-lidded for a moment before collapsing on top of me, burying his face in the crook of my neck.
Involuntary muscle contractions swept over his body, and I stroked his hair as I went along with him through that unstoppable rush that ended in a veritable explosion of pleasure.
The long-awaited orgasm had arrived, and it was so intense and went on for so long that Neil shook as he marked me, not just inside my body but also in my soul.
I rubbed his back, feeling his stiff muscles under my fingertips.
He gave himself over to ecstasy with a deep sigh and then lay motionless on top of me.
His breathing was uneven, and I could feel his heart beating way too fast in his chest. Meanwhile, I was feeling sorer than I ever had before, so I relaxed my legs, and Neil immediately looked up at me.
He looked at me with flames of desire still burning in his eyes.
Then, all at once, he rose up off me, making me feel suddenly cold.
He lay down on his back beside me and stared up at the ceiling wordlessly.
His amber skin was dewy, and his muscles were still tensed up.
I realized he had to be just as exhausted as I was because what we had just done had not been sex.
It had been heart-pounding.
Pure adrenaline.
In those moments of pleasure, Neil had been able to destroy the enchanted palace.
And he had built instead an enchanting madness all around us.
I watched as he looked up at the ceiling, lost in thought.
“Well, good thing I’m already at home because I don’t think I can walk anymore.
” I broke the silence with a wry comment.
Neil didn’t say anything for a long moment while my eyes moved from the edges of his profile to his lips, now a darker pink.
He was so undone in the afterglow that it somehow made him look even more wildly beautiful.
“Are you okay?” he asked, not looking at me. But his voice sounded confused and annoyed.
“All things considered, yeah,” I answered, pulling the sheet up to cover me.
My head was still spinning, and my sex was swollen both from arousal and from the constant impacts.
My lower stomach was also sore from absorbing his thrusts, and my skin burned in the places where he’d kissed, bitten, and touched me.
It had never before been so intense between us.
Neil heaved a sigh and sat up in the bed, passing a hand through his wild hair. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but he looked nervous and tense. Was he getting ready to run again?
Where would he go with his wings torn away?
With his face all filthy from ash?
With the past still painted on his body in blood?
“I have to…” He got out of the bed, exposing his toned ass for me as he bent over to grab his boxers. He pulled them on quickly, and I tracked his every motion in silence, stunned and frozen.
“You have to…?” I prompted him, sitting up slightly. When I sat forward, I winced a bit at the uncomfortable feeling between my legs but tried not to think about it.
“Go for a smoke,” he answered flatly. Then he grabbed the pack of Winstons and stalked over to the big window that looked out over the garden. He cracked it open and leaned against the sill, lighting up a cigarette.
I considered his behavior, but once again, I didn’t know what was wrong with him.
I felt let down, hollowed, and used. And not because of what we had done together but because of his arrogant disregard and the way he completely closed himself off in his own world whenever we weren’t in bed.
I wasn’t like Jennifer or his other lovers.
Though I’d just worked hard to break him out of the impermeable prison he was trapped inside, I hadn’t gotten a single kind touch in response.
Not so much as a hug or word of comfort.
Outraged, I got out of bed. My head was still spinning, and I stood unsteadily on watery legs.
I made my way to the bathroom after fishing clean panties out from my underwear drawer and examined my reflection in the mirror.
My auburn hair was a rat’s nest. My eyes shone a vivid blue.
My cheeks were stained pink. My lips were puffy from his kisses.
I rubbed my neck and brushed an index finger over the marks that Neil always left behind.
Always so greedy. Always so hungry. I studied myself more carefully and frowned when I noticed a bit of bruising around my nipple.
I looked down, tucking my chin, and touched it with my finger, which only made it throb, and a grimace of pain twisted my face.
Up until a few months ago, I believed sex was the complete union of body and soul.
I had always dreamed of giving myself to someone who would lavish care upon me.
I wanted to feel safe.
Embraced.
Loved.
But nothing had gone the way I’d dreamed.
And now there I was, standing in my bathroom looking at a girl I couldn’t recognize.
A woman in love who did not regret her choices.
Despite it all.
“You’re such an idiot,” I told myself. It was no one’s fault but mine. I shook my head bitterly, pulled on my clean panties, and splashed water on my face, trying to get myself back in order. But I sucked in a breath when I heard the window close.
I tried to remain unruffled and stall for time again, but as I heard his footsteps come closer and closer and closer, I couldn’t think of anything.
I couldn’t do anything. I just glanced surreptitiously at his powerful figure leaning against the doorframe, proud and remote as ever.
I pretended to stare into the mirror while my thoughts veered uncontrollably toward him.
“If you need to get back to New York, go ahead.” I turned to him, breaking the uncomfortable tension between the two of us.
I forced myself not to look at him as I walked out of the bathroom, but Neil’s warm hand on my hip stopped me in front of him.
I stared at an unremarkable spot on his chest while my heart sped up to a ridiculous speed and I gulped.
His hand slid to my back, and he pulled me to him. My breasts pressed against his torso, and a cold chill of excitement ran through me. I had no idea what he intended to do. He brushed my hair back over my shoulder and inspected my neck, then my breasts and hips.
The smell of sex, recently smoked cigarettes, and musk washed over me, and my breath caught in my throat.
“I’m not leaving,” he told me after a long silence, his low, deep voice making me vibrate like a plucked guitar string. I stared at him; he was as serious, as inflexible, as always.
“Why… Why are you acting like this?” I shivered slightly.
I was, after all, naked and freezing cold.
“You succeeded,” I muttered scornfully. “If your goal was to make me feel used, you’ve succeeded and—” Neil pressed his lips over mine on impulse, silencing me.
He snaked one arm around my waist and pressed a hand to the nape of my neck, sliding the other one into my hair.
It was a chaste kiss, eyes open. The kind of kiss meant to halt my words with a silent rebuke.
After a moment, he pulled away and took my hand.
“You’re freezing, and yes, I used you, though not in the way that you think,” he said, pulling me along with him out of the bathroom. Never letting go of my hand, he scooped up his white hoodie and offered it to me.
“Oh no? So not like you use Jennifer and the rest of them?” I shot back at him, profoundly disappointed as he arranged the sweatshirt over my shoulders.
“Put it on. It’ll warm you up fast,” he ordered, and I slipped my arms into the oversized sleeves. Neil helped me zip it up, then looked me up and down, his face dazed.
“I asked you a question,” I said acidly, and his golden eyes moved from my bare legs to my face.
I smelled musk all around me as I snuggled into his hoodie.
“I didn’t come with Jennifer and the rest of them,” he answered seriously, rubbing a hand over his face. “Can we go to sleep now, or do you need to keep busting my balls?” he asked shortly.
“Busting your balls?” I echoed indignantly.