Chapter 21
twenty-one
Chris
I watch Percy flee Casa Nostra in stunned silence.
God, I feel like an idiot. When I’d first met him back in high school, he’d seemed almost too perfect—a spoiled rich kid who had everything handed to him on a silver platter.
But once I’d gotten to know him, I’d seen how he struggled with anxiety and his constant need to please everyone around him, particularly the people he loved.
When I’d become one of those people, I’d felt cared for in a way I never had before.
For the first time in my life, I had someone else who put my needs first.
Had I taken that kindness for granted?
Unease ripples through me as I shuffle back to our group’s table in a daze.
How could I have been so oblivious to what Percy was going through with his mom?
But of course, I already know the answer.
I’d been so consumed by my own anger and hurt that I’d never stopped to wonder how he was doing.
It hadn’t even occurred to me that something other than us might have been behind his sudden communication blackout or the way he’d distanced himself from me.
Then another thought slams into me. Back then, I’d thought our decision to come out had been mutual.
It was certainly something we’d discussed a lot—how much easier it would be if we didn’t have to hide anymore.
How awesome it’d be to hold each other’s hands around campus or kiss each other hello.
But now, I can’t help replaying those conversations.
Had Percy really been on board? Or had he gone along with it for my sake, once again putting my needs before his own?
My gut churns, and I fight down a wave of nausea. No wonder he’d pulled away when his mom got sick instead of turning to me for comfort. No wonder our relationship had disintegrated. I’d been nothing but a burden. I would have dumped my pathetic ass, too.
Part of me knows that’s not a fair assessment—we had our good times along with the bad, and while Percy’s mom getting sick might have been the catalyst that tore us apart, there must have already been cracks in the foundation given how quickly we’d crumbled.
However, that doesn’t stop the self-loathing that grips me as I resume my seat, staring straight ahead and ignoring Quinn’s obvious attempts to snag my attention.
Dinner passes in a blur. I pick at my food, barely registering its taste and eating only enough that I won’t starve before morning. Quinn waits until we’re walking outside to confront me.
“All right, spill,” she demands, tugging me away from the rest of the group. “What the hell did you do to Percy?”
“Nothing.”
She gives me a disbelieving look. “Uh-huh. Then why did he run off before our food even arrived? He made even less of an effort to pretend he was enjoying himself than you did.”
I shove my hands into my pockets and scowl at the few people still out this late. “He needed some air.”
“Right. Because he was upset. Because you did something.”
Fresh guilt worms its way into my psyche. “All we did was talk,” I say, a touch too defensively. “At his request, I might add. It was some heavy shit from our past, and no, before you ask, I will not tell you what it was about.”
“Did it have something to do with all that sexual tension between you two?”
I stumble on the cobblestones and might’ve fallen on my face if Quinn hadn’t snagged my coat to keep me upright.
As I regain my balance, someone snorts, and I look up in time to catch Devon’s smirk. “Careful, there, Rawley,” he drawls. “I’m sure you’ve forgotten how to run after all this time, but at this rate, you won’t be able to walk much longer either.”
My cheeks heat. “Good thing for you,” I shoot back. “When I was on the team, I made your times look like crap. At least now, your shit can shine like it never could before.”
Devon’s face darkens. “Watch it, Rawley, or I’ll pummel that pretty face of yours so hard no one will be able to stand looking at it.
” He makes a show of glancing from side to side.
“Speaking of pretty faces, where’d that friend of yours run off to?
Guess he won’t be fighting your battles for you this time. ”
The way he says friend has me seeing red, and I’m up in his space before he can blink. “Say one more fucking word about Percy, and I’ll put you on the ground, Oshkoff be damned.”
Surprise flickers across Devon’s face before his muscles tense. For a moment, he looks eager to take me up on my offer. Then, he averts his eyes and steps back. “Whatever, man,” he mutters. “No reason to be so sensitive.”
He swaggers off, and I stare after him. It’s only when Quinn rests a hesitant hand on my shoulder that I realize I’m still tensed for a fight.
“Easy there, tiger,” she says. “I thought I was going to have to retreat so I didn’t get the bloodbath all over my clothes.”
Despite her light tone, I catch the worry laced in her words. It deflates me, my shoulders sagging. The last thing I want is to drive her away like I did Percy. If I lose her too, then I won’t have anyone left.
“Sorry,” I mumble as we resume walking. “He really knows how to get under my skin.”
“He’s an ass. Just ignore him.” She perks up as we pass a crowded bar—the same one I’d visited my first Saturday. “You know what would take your mind off everything? Tequila shots! And maybe another pretty face to go with yours.”
I swat her hand away as she tries to pinch my cheek, considering her offer.
I must admit, it’s tempting. We could grab a few drinks, and I could lose myself in the booze, maybe head home with that hot blonde who’d been eyeing me before.
Since this is basically the same day on repeat, he should theoretically be here again, and I could use a night to destress after everything that’s happened.
But when I close my eyes, all I see is Percy.
The way his bright blue eyes sparkle beneath his glasses when he grins.
His messy mop of brown hair sticking up adorably.
The long leanness of him—less toned than my own body since he’s never been much of an athlete, but no less mouthwatering for it.
A bolt of lust zings through me as I remember this morning and the hungry way his eyes had roved over every inch of me, his hands trembling at his sides as if desperate to touch…
And then, before I can stop it, my mind flashes to the Percy who’d darted out of the restaurant less than an hour earlier, his face scrunched with repressed pain and those bright blue eyes glistening with tears.
Fuck, I’m such a mess.
I turn away from the bar and keep walking, tugging my jacket tighter against the night chill. “Nah, I’m good. You should go have some fun, though. Don’t let my mopey ass ruin your night.”
She hesitates, glancing from me to the open doorway leading to the bar. Light and laughter trickle out from inside. “You sure? Because I’m happy to go back with you and pull up some sappy movie on my laptop.”
I know she’s serious, and that knowledge warms my chest, but I shake my head. “Thanks, but I’m good. Honestly, I just want to be alone right now. That bar was pretty good, though. I went there doing my first cycle, and there were plenty of hotties on display.”
Because Quinn is Quinn, she takes my casual mention of already having lived through today in stride. “Thanks for the tip. If you’re sure…”
She eyes me like she doesn’t trust me to be honest about my feelings, which—fair. But I really do want to be alone, so I give her a quick hug, wish her a fun night of drunken revelry, and trail after the others to the Royal Lilac.
There are still a few people, Ms. Lindman included, hanging around downstairs. I ignore them and tramp up the staircase. My eyes linger on Percy’s door, but I force myself to keep walking to the safety of my room. I plop down onto the edge of my bed and…fuck. Now what?
Maybe I should have taken Quinn up on her offer.
Even if I don’t want to hook up, I still could’ve gotten sloshed and had a fun time with my best friend.
Now that I’m here, alone like I wanted, the solitude leaves me antsy.
My mind inevitably returns to Percy, and I groan, covering my face with a pillow.
His confession about his mom tonight has me more confused than ever about how to interpret our past or where we stand in the present.
Still, it had been nice to clear some of the toxic air between us. Maybe his suggestion on the ferry hadn’t been so far-fetched after all—maybe we can find a way to be friends. Or at least, figure out how to survive being near one another.
I grab my journal from the nightstand and flip it open to a blank page. Percy wants some fresh ideas to try? Well, then I’ll do my best to oblige him. After everything, it seems like the least I can do.