46. Chapter 46
Chapter 46
I t’s my eighty first birthday, and all I could think about today was the cake you made me on my thirty fifth. My life is filled with so many things one can be truly grateful for — researching, teaching, spending time with my sisters and their families… There’s not much I can complain about, save for the fact I will never have a birthday as happy as when I had the honor to try your salty cake, my love.
Wherever you end up going, whatever you end up doing, and whenever you find me again, just remember what I told you the last time I laid my eyes on you…
To the ends of the universe, that’s how much I love you, Anyi. Like I found you in your original timeline, like I found you in this one, I will always find you.
My heart swelling, I turn the page only to find it empty. Then another one and another one. It’s as if someone rips my soul right out of my body, when I realize I’ve just read the last entry.
This is the last thing he wrote to me before he died.
Closing my eyes shut, I hug the book to my chest, lean forward and let out a low, dragged-out wail that shakes my entire body. I swallow and start rocking back and forth. For what feels like an eternity, I just remain sitting like that, trying to get it together.
Then I open my eyes, close the book and force myself to stop crying. Wiping my tears away, I glance around, realizing I’ve spent the entire night devouring his words. It’s the crack of dawn, the cold, mournful sunlight illuminating the cramped space around me.
“Thank you for this,” I turn to whisper to Nymeria. “You don’t know how much it means to me, to have a part of him with me, like the lighter is a part of Jericho. And it means even more, to know he ended up living a quiet life, just like he said he wanted to.”
She just stares at me the way she used to, making me let out a soft, sad chuckle.
Refraining from trying to hug her, I reach out my hand to pet her. To my surprise, she lets me, which only makes me have to fight another sob from climbing up my throat.
I pull my hand away. “What do I do now?” I ask softly. “I mean, I’ll have to go looking for him, that’s for sure. Even if it weren’t the smartest thing for the cause, how could I not? Now that I’ve… felt him… it’s like my entire being is pulling me in his direction. But once I do find him, then what? There’s not a doubt in my mind that it is him, but… there was something wrong there.”
Nymeria just keeps staring at me patiently, making me get comfortable thinking out loud. I look away, pensively fixing my eyes on the bookshelves to my left.
“I know I didn’t have an easy start with either Jericho or Orpheus. But both times, from the moment I looked into their eyes, even when we’d act as sworn enemies, their very presence would put me at ease and make me feel seen. This time… I know it wasn’t equivalent to meeting a new colleague at work or sitting down next to a student at a ceremony, so it’s not like I’d expect us to, I don’t know, start playfully bickering straight away, but… I can’t help but feel there was actual danger this time.”
My frown only grows deeper as I recall fighting him in the Tower. I grit my teeth and shake my head. No matter how much it pains me to say it out loud, I still do.
“No,” I whisper with determination in my voice. “It wasn’t the situation. There’s something wrong with him . He’s a ruthless killer, and when I told him he was my mate, there was zero emotion there, zero hesitation.” My throat tightens. “And I just don’t know what to do with that.”
A sound makes my head snap back to Nymeria. I watch her stroll over to me, putting a paw on the cover of the book.
For a moment, I just stare at her. Then I smile sadly. “You’re right,” I whisper. “It doesn’t matter who he is in this lifetime. I need to love him and I need to make him love me in return, the sooner the better, for all of us.”
I look away, a realization hitting me. My features tighten with determination. “And it’s a bit of a risk, but I think I know exactly how to do it.”