Chapter 44 #2
“I’m not broken,” she says, the emerald in her eyes flashing with a green that dazzles. Her voice cuts through the air like a blade, sharp and unwavering. “And you don’t get to act like I am.”
The words hit me harder than I expect, a blow I’m not prepared to dodge. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Zara gets up and walks closer, and the firelight casts shadows over her face, making her look like something wild and untamed.
“You think you’re the only one carrying guilt around?” she continues, her voice low, dangerous. “The only one who’s had to make choices they regret? The only one who’s done things they can’t take back?”
I stare at her, the storm in my chest stilled by the tempest in her eyes.
She moves before I can stop her and she rests her hands on my shoulders as she lowers herself onto my lap. Her knees settle on either side of my thighs, her weight grounding me even as the heat of her presence threatens to unravel me.
“I’m not fragile, Kade,” she says, her tone softening but no less intense. “I meant what I said. I’m as dark as you. Maybe darker. And if you think for one second that I’m some shattered little doll you need to keep in a glass case, then you don’t know me at all.”
The knot in my throat tightens, and I can’t tell if it’s relief or shame or an entirely different emotion.
“I don’t think you’re a doll,” I manage, my voice hoarse. “But you didn’t deserve—”
She cuts me off with a sharp, cutting glance that silences whatever feeble excuse or justification I was about to offer.
“I’m fine,” she says, her voice firm, steady.
“Not because of you. Not because of anyone. I’m fine because I choose to be.
Because I decided that what happened to me doesn’t define me.
I choose to be strong, Kade. I choose to be me and what happened won’t be all I am.
And I won’t let you take my choices away from me.
Especially not when they make us stronger. ”
Her hand slides up my neck, and her fingers curl around the back of it.
“I’m done running. From you or me or anyone else. Or from us. I know what you are, and I know what you’ve done. And I’m still here. Still with you, fighting for you. I’m here because I choose you, Kade. Every damn time.”
Zara stares at me and, for a moment, I forget how to breathe.
My hands move without thinking, gripping her waist, pulling her closer. She doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t pull away. She just looks at me, steady and unshaken, like she’s been waiting for this moment.
“Well?” she asks.
“Well, what?” I mumble back.
“Well, this is the part where you tell me that you love me.”
My heart pounds against the cage that contains it, a wild, uncontrollable rhythm that echoes in my ears.
I grip her harder, my fingers digging into her sides as though she might slip away if I don’t hold her in place.
She waits and her gaze doesn’t waver, as she dares me to speak the words that feel too complicated and simple all at once.
“I don’t deserve you,” I murmur, my voice barely audible over the crackling fire. My hands slide up her sides, tracing the curve of her ribs, anchoring me to her warmth. “You know that, don’t you?”
She laughs softly, and her smile is genuine.
I want it, all of it. All of her. I do, and I care for her more than I know how to put into words.
It isn’t a clean or simple kind of affection either.
It’s jagged and messy, tangled up in the darkness that lives inside us both.
It’s the kind of bond that burns, a connection that consumes everything in its path, but I’ve never wanted anything more.
Never been more sure of anything.
There was my life before her, and now there’s only her.
“I love you.”
My voice is quiet but unshakable, raw with the weight of what I feel.
Her breath hitches, her lips parting slightly as if she hadn’t been prepared for me to say it. She stills and for a terrible second I worry she might pull away, but then her smile widens and it’s a slow, brilliant sunbeam that lights up every dark corner of my world.
“I knew it,” she says softly, her voice trembling just enough to betray the intensity of what she feels. “I knew you did.”
Her hands come up, cupping my face, her touch steady and warm and a comfort I’ll always want.
“You think I didn’t know?” she continues, her voice gaining strength.
“You thought you’d hidden it from me? That I was blind to the little things—the way your hand lingers at my back like you’re afraid to let go, the way your eyes soften when you think I’m not looking?
Or the monumental declarations you told me in silence—the battles you fought for me, the ones you fought against yourself to keep me safe? ”
Her words slice through me, leaving no room for denial.
“Or the mark you placed on my back?” Her eyebrow arches, and I inhale sharply. “I know, Kade. I knew you were claiming me and I’ve decided I rather like it. In fact, I’m planning on adding to your tattoos. Only seems fair.”
Our grins mirror each others and I nod furiously, prepared to give her anything. Everything. Whatever it takes to keep her close. To keep her happy. To keep her mine.
“I love you, Kade, for your darkness and the light you try to hide. I love you for your strength and for your flaws. I love you because you see me—every part of me—and you don’t turn away.
You don’t try to fix me or change me. You just love me for exactly who I am, and it’s the same way I love you.
We’re the same, you and I, and I’m not going anywhere. ”
Her fingers brush against my jaw, grounding me as she leans closer.
“You’re stuck with me, no matter what we face or how dark it gets.
I choose you, Kade. As I choose myself. Every fucking time.
And I’ll keep choosing you—when the world crumbles, when the darkness rises, when there’s nothing left but us.
Because you are my anchor and my storm, my ruin and my salvation.
You are the reason I can stand unbroken. ”
Zara leans in and kisses me, and it’s everything.
It’s heat and fire, ice and the eternity of winter.
She’s a thousand contradictions, all softness and steel, chaos and calm, fury and grace.
Her lips move against mine with a promise, a vow forged in the heat of everything we’ve endured, binding us together in a way nothing could ever break.
She draws away and I moan against her lips.
“Did you mean it?” she teases. “When you said I could have anything?”
“Tell me what you want, kitten,” I rasp.
“You,” she says, dragging her finger down my center. “I want to fuck you, Kade. And I want you to fuck me back. I want to ruin you, Kade, and I want you to let me.”