Chapter 13 Ellis #3
“They really tried to hide me from the worst of it,” I muttered grimly.
“But I’d hear Mom crying in the bathroom sometimes, and Dad just threw himself into work, anything to keep things running.
He got very into schedules and lists and bills.
No space for emotion. I mean, he’s not like that now, but he operated that way for a long time. And if anything broke his plans...”
“Sounds familiar,” Dove murmured softly, smiling as I glanced up at her.
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “It was rough. Watching the people you love wear down over time—turning themselves inside out with grief while trying to pretend I wasn’t dying... I mean, that almost became worse than the treatment the second time around. Especially because I understood so much more.”
The washer clicked gently as it shifted into its next cycle.
“Then I didn’t die,” I said with a bitter laugh.
“Twice in a row, I came out the other side—a little worse for wear the second time, but I bounced back. Life seemed to go back to normal... or as normal as it could be. It felt like we all had to get to know each other again by then, but it was too late with Thomas. He was growing up. He didn’t want—or need—to be around me, and I got it.
Then the heart stuff happened, and it all just went to shit again anyway.
Turns out we were still stuck on that horrible loop of survive, crash, repeat. ”
I paused, biting my lip as I held Dove’s gaze.
My stomach twisted with the truth, not the curated version I usually shared online.
I was suddenly aware of how still the room had become.
The fluorescent lights still buzzed above us, the washer still churned steadily, but everything else had fallen into that fragile, breathless space where truth could surface, if only for a little while.
“I was really ready to die, Dove,” I said hoarsely.
“Like, truly ready. I’d made peace with the whole thing.
I’d been told it was likely—especially when my heart gave out.
I didn’t make plans or apply for college.
I didn’t think there’d be an ‘after.’ Surely not.
Three chances? Are you kidding me? And then I didn’t die.
Liv did. I got her heart, and now I’m here.
.. and I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that. ”
Dove was quiet for a moment, her lips softly parted.
She glanced down, and she looked for a second as if she were hesitating, chewing her lip.
She then gently placed her hand over mine, where it rested on the bench.
Her palm was warm, and it sent a soothing buzz through me that nearly stole my breath.
Her thumb brushed over my knuckle, and the motion sent a current through my chest, as if her touch had fused with the rhythm of my borrowed heart.
“But you are doing it, Ellis,” she said quietly, gently.
“You’re figuring things out, one breath at a time.
One day at a time. One state at a time,” she added with a small smirk before her expression softened again.
“Living your life now doesn’t have to be some grand, perfectly styled recovery.
This isn’t a movie, and you’re not an actress.
This is real life. And sometimes, just being here is enough. ”
I was still staring at her hand on mine as she spoke, my fingers trembling.
I wasn’t sure if she noticed, but I sure as hell did.
I swallowed against the heat of her skin, the grounding steadiness in her voice, and the way her words weren’t just meant to comfort me, they were meant to root me.
To tether me back to the honest reality of what was, now, my life.
I looked up, my entire body warm, and met her eyes. I couldn’t look away from those soft brown orbs. She was so close—her lips slightly parted, her gaze searching mine. Soft. Unblinking. Her fingers still hadn’t moved from mine.
My heart pounded against my ribs, and in that second, as I watched her visibly swallow, I thought she might kiss me.
I didn’t know what I would have done if she had. I wasn’t even sure I wanted her to, but the very thought of it curled around my ribs, slow-burning. The air between us pulsed, charged and still—
Ding!
The washing machine chimed so loudly it felt more like a slap in the face. Like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over my head.
Dove blinked and pulled away instantly, the spell shattering. My hand felt cold the second she removed hers.
“Awesome. All washed,” she said too quickly, as she slid off the bench. “We’ll throw them in the dryer then.”
I nodded once, tightly, and watched her scoop up the clothes and hurry to the dryer. I pulled out my phone to busy myself, glancing toward the far corner where the magazine woman had been sitting, only to find she was no longer there.
Jesus. How spaced out had I been?
My heart still wouldn’t settle. It kept tripping over itself, as if it had forgotten its usual rhythm—and maybe, for the first time, its erratic beating wasn’t because it used to belong to someone else.
From the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of pink.
I looked toward the vending machine, past where Dove was bent halfway into the dryer, putting in the clothes. Liv leaned casually against the glass pane, a small grin on her face, arms crossed. She wiggled her brows and shot me a wink.
Dove slammed the dryer door closed, and the moment shattered for good.
There wasn’t a whole lot of talking once we left the laundromat.
By the time we made it back to the motel and put away our now-clean clothes, we only had time for quick showers and a stop at a diner for a rushed dinner—so I could take my pills—before heading off to the drive-in for gate opening.
Dove was insistent on getting a good spot, and Liv was practically giddy by the time we arrived.
Once we’d parked, we were roped into more photos and content creation.
Now, I sat in the back seat of the Mustang—having pulled the two front seats down for comfort.
Dove had snuck out two motel-room pillows and some blankets to build a cozy nest, and she was currently in line at the concession stand, trying to decide on snacks.
The screen stood like a white monolith in front of the growing rows of cars, headlights blinking off one by one as dusk settled like a blanket. I’d never admit it out loud, but this was kind of cool.
Liv was stretched out on the roof of the Mustang, clearly satisfied with her pit stop.
I opened the bottle of water I’d picked up earlier from Chick-fil-A and took a long drink. My mouth was dry. I ignored my phone completely—having already messaged my mom with a trip update and, foolishly, told her about the drive-in.
“Don’t worry,” Liv said from above, tapping the roof with confidence in her voice. “I’ll keep an eye out for masked murderers.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not worried.”
“You should be,” she replied seriously. “But I’m here.”
A moment later, the back passenger-side door opened and Dove climbed in, balancing a precariously stacked assortment of snacks in her arms. She dropped them between us with a satisfied grin.
“All right,” she said, setting down two sodas. “We have popcorn, M I’d blame Jamie), and I leapt, knocking over the popcorn and grabbing the closest thing to me in horror.
Dove’s arm.
My hand clamped around her bicep like I was trying to anchor myself to this reality and not the one unraveling on screen. I felt her jolt slightly in surprise, a half-laugh bursting from her as she turned to look at me, eyes shining.
“My, my,” she said softly. “So horror scares Ellis Langley.”