Chapter 13 Ellis #4
“You jumped too,” I said quickly, pulling my hand from her arm and settling back down, immediately busying myself with gathering the scattered popcorn.
I didn’t dare look at her. Michael Myers might’ve stopped stalking Jamie, but now he was stalking me in the shape of my embarrassment, huge, teeth-baring, and chasing me more effectively than the killer on screen.
I shoved some popcorn in my mouth, trying to act normal, and caught Dove glancing down at the spot on her arm where I’d held her. She looked back at the screen without saying another word. No teasing. No grin.
But something in the air had shifted again.
It had been easier when I didn’t care about her. When I’d been indifferent to her forced presence in my life.
Easier when she was just the tarot girl with messy space buns and Converse worn to the point of tragedy. Easier when her charm didn’t get under my skin.
But now she knew too much. She’d seen me unravel in that field. She’d heard the raw cliff notes of my life story in the laundromat. She’d held my hand with a look in her eyes that had... made me feel a certain way.
And I didn’t even know all that much about her.
Yes, I knew she’d taken over the shop from her deceased grandmother—whose ashes were currently traveling with us—but that was about it.
All I really knew was that she was bold. That she lived by the rhythm of her own instincts. That she had legs for days. That she kissed girls. And that she didn’t seem to flinch at life’s ugliness.
How many girls had she dated?
The thought crept in, uninvited and unrelenting, landing like a bitter little weight in the center of my chest.
I peeked at her again from the corner of my eye.
She seemed like the type who knew what she was doing. Kissed like she meant it. Touched people without second-guessing herself. She probably didn’t break into a cold sweat every time someone sat too close or asked too many personal questions.
I wasn’t—I wasn’t like that.
I didn’t know how to do… whatever this was.
Alexis had been my first and only girlfriend, and even that had felt like some kind of accidental miracle.
She was cool and bright and beautiful. She pulled tarot cards to explain her moods and carried crystals in her pockets.
(I clearly had a type.) She kissed me breathless behind the art building and told me I made her feel less alone.
Then she’d fallen apart.
Because of me.
Because I broke her.
Because my life was a giant wrecking ball, and she had been too close to the impact zone.
“You’re the only thing that’s holding me together, Ellis. I can’t lose you.”
Those were the last words she said to me, right before everything went to hell and her mother pulled her out of school. I was forbidden from contacting her.
I swallowed hard.
And here I was now, sitting next to another girl with glitter in her voice and something sharp and intuitive in her eyes, and I felt like I was doing it again. Pulling someone into a life they didn’t deserve to be dragged into.
I peeked again.
She was watching the movie, mouth slightly open, eyes wide, fingers loosely curled around a Twizzler.
She was beautiful.
She was beautiful in that way that made your stomach tighten and your ribs ache. Beautiful in the way fleeting things were—things you didn’t get to keep.
I bit the inside of my cheek.
“I need the bathroom,” I muttered, briskly opening the door. “I’ll be back.”
I didn’t wait for her to respond.
I fled.
By the time I reached the toilet block, I leaned against the cool brick wall, the evening air wrapping around me as I let out a pained sigh and rubbed my eyes.
This was not supposed to happen.
“You need to figure this out before I haunt you into kissing her.”
Liv’s voice made me jump, and I clapped a hand over my mouth as I stared at her.
“Jeez, Liv!” I groaned, clutching my heart. Her heart. “Can we not do this?”
“I am so serious,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s like I can see the tension in the car, just like I did in the laundromat. It’s like watching the slowest, most painful gay rom-com of the century. ‘Oh, will they, won’t they?’”
“Liv,” I said through gritted teeth, a warning laced in my voice.
“Look, I’m just saying, the two of you are acting like touching elbows is a felony,” she continued, then eyed me more directly. “You’re not, like, scared, are you? ’Cause, like, gay is in, Ellis. You’re all good.”
“Oh, shut up, Liv,” I groaned.
“Listen, I probably won’t even be able to pass over if you two aren’t doing some serious saliva swapping.”
I gaped at her in horror.
“I joke,” Liv said with a heavy sigh, tugging at a sequin on her skirt. “I probably will. I mean, who knows. I don’t even know if I can. But seriously, Dove is cute, she’s single, and she is clearly into you—”
“She’s not into me,” I said firmly, my cheeks heating.
Liv rolled her eyes. “Modesty is cute until it isn’t, Ellis.
But since you’re clearly fishing for compliments, fine.
I’ll take the bait. You’re cute, you’re very successful with your online content, and the two of you are super compatible.
Yeah, I’ve seen your birth chart. It’s practically a clear runway for some lesbian U-Haul shit at this point. ”
“Liv, seriously—”
“What’s scaring you?” Liv asked, cutting me off with a glint in her eyes. “Is it the sex thing?”
“Liv.”
“What?” she said with a pout. “I literally spent so much time over the last year watching you write in your diary. I know you haven’t done anything more than polite kissing.”
My cheeks flamed, and I rubbed the back of my neck.
“Apparently going down on a girl isn’t that hard,” Liv said, ignoring my discomfort, and my stomach dropped at her blunt words. “They say if you just do the letters of the alphabet, it’s a safe bet to get a girl off.”
I blinked at her, my next words spilling out uncontrolled. “Wait… uppercase or lowercase?”
“Mommy?”
A small voice near the restroom entrance caught my attention. I turned to see a little girl—probably no older than six—looking up at her mother, who was watching me warily.
“Why is that lady talking to herself?”
The woman shot me a disapproving look and quickly gripped her daughter’s arm, tugging her away before I could say anything.
I turned back to Liv. She was gone.
My stomach seemed to be dancing anxiously now and I wanted to blame it on the twizzlers, popcorn and m&m’s, but deep down I knew it wasn’t that at all.
God, I was a mess. I didn’t know how to date someone. I didn’t even know if this was that—or if it could be. Would I let it be?
Expiration date.
Pain.
Alexis.
No.
No, I would not let that happen.