20
A WHISPER IN A STORM
IVY
H enry gazes down at me as if I’ve given him everything he ever dreamed of and more. It’s pure devotion, unadulterated adoration, and complete love. He doesn’t blink, transfixed by me as I stare at my fingertips brushing his face.
His skin is soft and it contrasts with his sharp features. I trace the lines of his face and he doesn’t move. He’s holding still, for me. Henry’s letting me spiral as he keeps the center steady, putting my emotions and needs before his own.
I’m fucking terrified.
He’s still staring at me as if I’m the center of his world and I’m wondering if I can escape his orbit. He’s shown me what lies beneath and now I’m swimming for the surface, drowning in the darkness overcoming me.
The light catches his fangs and it’s a sharp reminder of all he is. Predatory. Vicious. Lethal. Vampiric in name and nature.
I don’t want to believe it.
Part of me screams it can’t be true.
But my heart and head agree. Both are certain. Both are sure. As unbelievable as what Henry just told me, I know it’s true. My bones feel it, my lungs breathe it, and my blood sings that this is real. The masquerade is over and all that remains is what’s underneath the mask.
My focus shifts and I watch his fucking massive fangs. They’re as alarming as when I first saw them. When I thought I was hallucinating. They’re worse than any fictional portrayal and they’re designed to pierce, wound, and drain.
They look efficient. Effective. Perfectly engineered.
Fuck, they’re vicious.
“Henry?”
“Yes, Ivy.”
“Do you drink…” My voice trails off.
Henry doesn’t arch his eyebrow when he would at any other time. “Blood?” he asks, waiting until I nod. “Yes. Mostly human, but I can survive on any blood. It’s a bit like meat.”
I close my eyes a fraction longer than I need to and he pauses.
“Ask me, Ivy. Ask what you’re afraid of asking.”
He’s read my thoughts with unnerving accuracy. I don’t want to face this but I need to know the answer. Otherwise, there’s no certainty, no framework, no roadmap to follow. I’m lost and I can’t find my way through this unless he tells me what I need to know.
“Do you want to drink mine?”
“Yes.” Henry waits and my heart settles. “You’re my mate, Ivy. You’re perfect for me. The smell alone is heaven. ”
I’m numb and unable to think, while a thousand questions spiral through my consciousness. I’m barely keeping up with myself and I’m simultaneously frozen, unable to speak or think or feel.
“Ask, Ivy.”
“Would you? Have you? Why would you? What if I don’t want it? What if you can’t not? Can’t stop?”
Henry smiles and it’s heartbreaking.
“Slow down. I crave your blood, lea, but I’ll only taste it with your permission. Only if it’s given of your own free will,” Henry says, briefly looking away. “Except for one day. Just one time. At our wedding. We needed to exchange blood to complete the ceremony. I tasted a little of yours and I let you taste a little of mine. It was a necessity to keep you safe. You’d have been in terrible danger otherwise.”
I nod my head, failing to understand how he could do this. He’s taken something from me and it’s a hurt unlike any I’ve known. It’s a knife twisting in my chest and I feel used. Manipulated. Betrayed.
Henry’s stolen so much from me. I can’t even begin to quantify how much I’ve lost. My wedding day. My freedom. My choices. My degree. My life as I knew it and my friends. My future. I’ve been given something else. I don’t know if I would have chosen this if I’d had the choice.
“That’s why the ceremony wasn't normal,” I say, finally understanding. “The way I lost myself… and the ribbons and the light-headedness…”
“They weren't ribbons, lea. The priest bound our souls together, and you saw and felt life and light flowing between us. I am yours. You are mine. We are mates and we were destined to find each other and have this.”
Henry leans forward a little and my heart races. I'm afraid. Of him. Of what he could do. Of what he wants to do. Of what I want him to do. My head’s a confusing mess and it can’t keep up with itself. I’m adrift, barely staying afloat, and the only life raft I have might want to devour me in a way that could prove fatal.
“You need to be believe me, lea. I only tasted you to complete the ceremony. To keep you safe. It's why we had to marry, why we couldn't wait. You would have been vulnerable, and I couldn't risk losing you. I'll never risk losing you.”
He sounds desperate. Maybe desperate enough to lie.
I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can trust him. Not now. Not when the smallest mistake could be my downfall. It’s too big a risk, too great a chance.
He’s already taken from me, without my consent. In more ways than one. I can’t abide this. I can’t endure this. But I can’t abandon him either and my heart breaks, shattered as it’s torn between two conflicting desires. Safety and Henry. Freedom and Henry. My old life and Henry.
“Please, lea. You are safe. I won't harm you even if you cut yourself. I can control myself. I will never harm you. Never drink from you without permission again. I couldn’t risk them hurting you.”
I assume he has enemies. Powerful men always do. These will be different from the ones I imagined. More powerful. More determined. More vicious and possibly even more lethal than my husband.
My thoughts spiral again as I wonder who they are. What they are. What they’ll do to me if they get the chance. Suddenly, my room doesn’t seem like such a bad place. I can stay here and nothing will threaten me. The walls aren’t as oppressive as they once were, and I could find ways to amuse myself. I could live a small life here, away from everyone and everything else lurking outside. It wouldn’t be what I hoped and dreamed my life would be, but I’d be alive .
There’s no going back from this now. I can’t unlearn this and the terror ripping through me is a tsunami threatening to destroy me. The adrenaline burning into my veins makes me more anxious and Henry notices, watching the flickering on my neck as my heart pumps blood around my body frantically.
His eyes are wild and their scarlet is bright enough to bore into my soul. I let my fingers trail down him and he stills, waiting until my hand reaches his heart.
There's no beat. No sound or vibration and it isn't pounding against his chest.
“Please, lea. I am all I ever was. I am not a monster.”
I swallow. “Just a liar.”
His face screws up in agony and my heart feels his pain. It knows it in a way that's visceral, as he knows mine. I'm hurt and he's wounded. I've been betrayed and he's lied. He asked me to trust him and I don't know if I can.
Henry's hand grabs mine and I flinch. He notices and his grip tightens, refusing to let me go. He's fighting—for me, for this, for us.
“I only lied to keep you safe. I kept my word, Ivy. I told you as soon as you were ready. I knew you'd hate me, but I told you anyway.”
He laces his fingers through mine and I stare, utterly transfixed. My hand's so small against his and his fingers are so much longer. More lethal with those claw-like nails.
It feels right.
Strangely right.
Like my hand was made to fit with his. Like we're supposed to be this way. He's meant to keep me safe and I'm supposed to let him.
“There are only two uses for humans as far as most vampires are concerned. Food and toys. You're neither, lea. My pet, yes. But I worship you. I take care of you. It gives me pleasure to attend to your every need, your every want. I'll never treat you as a pet to be toyed with and then thrown away or abandoned. You're my mate. My wife. My reason.”
I must have lost my mind because I’m pleading with myself to believe him. I want it to be true. Part of me is desperate to forgive him and find a way to make this work. It’s screaming all I need to do is accept the logic of what he’s said and move on, as I moved on before.
But I can’t quite. Not yet.
I need to know there’s nothing else.
I want certainty. Security. Honesty.
I sure as fuck want no more surprises.
“How do I know you're not lying now?”
He sighs. “I'm not. I'm not telling you everything, but only because it'd overwhelm you. You'll want to know about the other vampires and covens. You'll want to know about our society and our history. Our gods and our customs. It's a lot, lea, and I promise to tell you all of it. But first, we need to find ourselves. I need to know I haven't lost you. I need to know you accept me.”
There's panic edging his voice. Fear too. Henry needs certainty and I haven't given it to him. Not enough. Not yet.
I'm scared. My hand shakes and my heart races. This feels like a leap of faith. It's an exercise in trust and it's harder than all the other things he's asked of me. I want to believe him but he's fucking terrifying like this, and when his fangs catch the light I shudder, trembling at the thought of them sinking into my skin.
“Ivy?”
Henry hasn't changed. He isn't nice, except to me. He’s cruel and harsh, demanding and relentless. But he isn't cold. He softens for me. When I need him to. When it's right and not because I'm giving up. He's kind, generous and considerate. Caring.
He adores me and maybe I adore him. He pushes but never too hard, and perhaps I'm insane but I like it. I want more with him and I want to please him. I like it when he pleases me. Maybe I've lost my mind, but in a world where nothing seems real, he's the only thing that makes any sense. The only thing I want to make sense.
As wrong as I thought this was, it isn't.
It's right.
It's going to take time.
It's going to take trust.
We're both going to have to work at it and we'll both need to want it.
“What do we do now?” I ask.
Henry stares and his mouth drops a little. “What do you want to do, Ivy?”
“Are you giving me a choice?
His head tilts and he seems sad. Resigned to telling me something that'll break my heart.
“Neither of us has a choice,” he says. “One way or the other, we were going to come together and our fate has always been sealed. But I choose you, Ivy. I choose you to be my home. Choose me. Let me keep you safe. Let me treasure you. Let me worship you.”
My voice is a whisper in a storm of chaos. “I'm scared.”
Henry pulls me against him and it's over. The fear melts away and the doubt vanishes. He’s my port in a storm and the ground beneath my feet. He’s stable, constant, and sure—and I choose him. Even if I don’t have any real choice .
I am safe.
I am protected.
I am where I want to be.
I don’t know if the rhythm of my heart changes or if there’s something else, but Henry relaxes a little. I’m getting everything I need and more, and he’s providing the reassurance I need.
“How old are you?”
Henry's fingers play with my hair.
“Too old. I stopped counting years ago.” He laughs a little. “Ryan and I were old when we saw Rome fall.”
I sigh and rest against him, letting his arms wrap around me as I close my eyes. This is difficult, but it's nice and my anxiety eases as he holds me steady. We sit and minutes pass in silence, listening to the pounding of my heart as it beats hard enough for us both.
“Ivy, I need to know. Please. I can't be without you. I can't carry on like this. Tell me what I need to do. Just tell me. “
I draw back and his gaze is intense. A cacophony of emotions screaming he needs an answer.
My fingertip presses into his chest, over where his heart should be beating. I flick my eyes up to meet his and blink, deciding this has gone on long enough. I drop my gaze and push harder, watching as my finger digs in.
“This.” I close my eyes and know it's true. “You’re my home and I’m staying here.”