25
CRYING LIKE A GIRL
IVY
I t’s been an hour and it’s fucking quiet.
Matt remains between the door and me, and I’m losing my patience. And my goddamn nerve. I’m too worried to think straight and too panicked to react.
All I’m doing is making an unpleasant situation worse.
My teeth grind again and Matt tells me to be quiet. I’m done waiting and I need to do something. Anything but this.
“Stop fussing,” Matt says. “Hold a little longer.”
“What happens after that?” I ask.
Matt turns and his eyes narrow. “I’ll check it’s safe, Ivy. You’ll stay here. Keep the fucking door locked.” He steps towards the door. “I mean it, Ivy. The door opens for all three of us, so don’t open it. For anyone.”
My pulse quickens and I’m more afraid than ever. This is worse than when I first arrived. More terrifying than being locked in the dungeons. At least one of us had control. At least the quiet wasn’t dangerous. At least I could breathe.
“What did I say about the door?”
Matt’s drilling his point home and it grates. I’m not an idiot. I’m far from na?ve. I don’t know exactly what’s out there, but it’s bad and I’m not venturing into a lion’s den without a damn good reason.
“You’ve made your point already.”
He unlocks the door. “Remember it.”
The door locks behind him and panic ignites. Ever since the dungeons, the locking sound has made me anxious, but the pressure is unbearable. I’m sweating, shaking, and my heart aims to explode from my chest as it tries to escape its confinement. I’m alone, I’m vulnerable and there isn’t enough oxygen.
My breathing’s erratic and I can’t shift enough air. My chest is expanding, but I’ve run out of room and it isn’t enough. It’s tight and every breath is agony. I can’t exhale, can’t decompress and the blood escaping to my head is flowing fast enough to make me dizzy.
The room starts spinning and colors blur. I try focusing on something solid in the palette of mixing creams and pinks, but there’s nothing to latch onto. I can’t make sense of anything and even time loses meaning, as seconds race by but drag out into agonizing eternities. I’m drowning in my anxiety, spiraling into a whirlpool and there’s little chance of escaping on my own.
I can’t free myself from this. There’s no way to avoid it. My only salvation is to endure, waiting until someone throws me a lifeline or pulls me out of the spiral I’ve descended into.
I pace and sway, holding myself as I rock to try to calm. It’s taking the edge off my anxiety, but I’m not coping. Finally, I recognize the weakness I’ve been hiding from for years. I’ve tried to be independent when I could never be, and I've tried to stand alone when I was always going to crumble.
It’s pointless pretending to be something I’m not and I am not strong. I can’t anchor myself and that’s what Henry is—a port in the storms I’ll endure and a beacon that navigates the dark.
The door unlocks.
I freeze and my heart stops.
This is too soon and it can’t happen quickly enough.
It’s the sum of all my fears and hopes, and as the door slowly opens, my head turns light and I fight to stay standing. My eyes lock on the hooded figure walking into my room, and he isn’t immediately recognizable. He’s not unfamiliar but I can’t place him and my fog lifts instantly as I snap into reality and fight to place the man who’s entered my room.
I draw breath and step back, preparing for the worst. I’m out of my depth, but there’s nothing left to do but fight and try to buy myself some time. It’s all I’ve got and I might gain a few precious seconds that give Henry, Matt, or Ryan the chance to save me.
He pulls the hood back and I recognize the dark brown hair. Dark eyes lock onto mine and I exhale, relieved it’s Damon standing in front of me. I’ve known our head of security for years and I’m sure he’s here to help me. He wouldn’t hurt me and always kept me safe, even when the threat came from inside.
My heart leaps and then my stomach sinks. This makes no sense. It isn’t logical. He shouldn’t be here, and as much as he’s highly skilled, he shouldn’t be a match for a vampire coven.
“How the fuck did you get in?”
“We don’t have time, Ivy. There’s about five minutes to get you out of this fucking mess before all hell breaks loose. You’re dead if you stay here, and you’ve got to trust me now. You can do whatever the fuck you want when this is all done.”
“Henry…”
“Is a vampire,” he says, surprisingly calm. “I know everything. All of it. Rowan has allied himself with a second coven and they’re about to launch an attack. Let’s go.”
I hesitate and stare at the door.
“You love him then,” Damon says, sighing. “You can do whatever you want when this is done, but you’ve got to be alive to make that choice. Let’s go.”
Damon pulls two silver daggers from his back and slides them through my belt loops. They’re the perfect weight for me and although I’m far from expert with them, I’ve got a basic understanding of how to use them. Sharp point in. Aim for the heart or throat.
I swallow. “How’d you get through the door, Damon?”
He turns and his eyes darken. “Henry isn’t as cunning as he thinks he is, and I’m not without my skills. I promised I’d keep you safe. I meant it, Ivy. Let’s go.”
I don’t like this. It doesn’t feel safe. Or right. But staying here feels worse. It’s more dangerous and my instincts tell me I’ve got no choice. Not anymore. I’ve got to trust him and that leaves me no choice but to walk towards whatever the fuck is out there.
“I know what I’m doing.”
I wish I did.
My feet move and I follow Damon, creeping behind him as he opens the door. He checks for danger and we move towards the stairs, quickly descending past the pictures without pausing to consider their presence.
Damon’s alert and on guard. I’ve seen him move like this in training, but this isn’t a drill. I let my eyes drift down him and finally clock the arsenal of weapons strapped to him. He isn’t fucking around and when he draws knives of his own, I know he’s senses something I wish he hadn’t.
“Change of plan,” he says. “Follow me.”
He leads me into one of the sitting rooms and shuts the door behind us before racing to the window. He pulls a tool from his pocket and kneels, working on the lock keeping the window closed. Seconds later, he frees the mechanism and lifts the sash window. The shutter takes longer and he curses under his breath until he finally swings the heavy metal open.
“We’ll take cover in the woods,” he hisses. “Sprint hard and don’t look back.”
I nod.
“When I say.”
I nod a second time.
The door bursts open and I turn, watching the horror unravel before me. Men burst through it, except they’re not men. Their faces are twisted and vicious, their teeth are bared and their fangs extend, threatening violence as they roar and march forward.
“Run,” Damon yells.
I clamber through the window, dropping to the floor and looking back, expecting to see Damon following. His back is turned and he’s braced, ready to hold back the vampires and buy me time. Precious seconds I’m wasting like a fucking idiot, doing the thing he told me not to.
I turn and run. Hard and fast. My legs stretch and ache as I build up an oxygen debt, stinging as lactic acid accumulates. I ignore their fucking protests and pretend the burning in my chest isn’t there, pushing harder as I charge across the lawn.
The dark gives me some cover, but that won’t matter now, not when whichever coven gets past Damon. He won’t be a match for them, despite his skill, but there isn’t time to stop and grieve. He knew the cost of staying, paying it to give me this chance, and I refuse to waste it.
I reach the tree line and dart into the woods, ducking beneath the branches as I race forward. I’ve made this run before and last time Henry found me. This time, the consequences of being caught could prove fatal.
The woods are darker tonight. There’s no moon and it’ll give whoever’s chasing me an advantage. Their vision will be better, but they hardly need the advantage. They’re already stronger, faster, and more experienced than me and vampires can track by scent.
The odds aren’t in my favor.
Even time’s against me.
I press on, harnessing the adrenaline and panic rising in me to keep me going. There’s no choice left and I’ve got to hope Damon holds Rowan’s coven back long enough for me to escape. Or buy enough time for Henry to find me.
Something’s wrong.
I can feel it. I know it. I don’t need to see it.
They’re chasing me and it’s a fucking game. The vampires are playing with me and I don’t need to see them to know they’re enjoying the chase. My terror will fuel their excitement and I make a decision, accepting my fate and refusing to give them my fear.
I weave between tree trunks, certain it’s a matter of time until they catch me. My heart pounds and I find another burst of energy, somehow running faster again.
My feet slip as I scramble up a bank and drop down the other side, emerging in a small clearing. It isn’t ideal and I’m more vulnerable without cover. I sprint across the open ground and look up, seeing two flashes of red reflected in the starlight.
I stop and back away, turning as several vampires emerge from behind the tree. I spin and a pair of vampires stalk towards me, confidently covering the ground like predators enjoying their hunt. I turn and vampires behind me spread out, starting to encircle me.
A roar reverberates around us, and I pivot, watching in disbelief as Ryan leaps into the clearing. He sprints towards me and pulls me behind him, growling at the others with a vicious snarl that makes my soaring heart sink.
This is bad. Fucking bad.
The momentary joy of Ryan’s appearance has vanished, replaced by dread. We’re still in trouble. Ryan’s moved the odds but not by enough, and we’re outnumbered and the danger grows as the other vampires edge towards us.
“You’re outnumbered, Ryan,” one of them sneers. “Give her up and I’ll consider letting you go.”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“This is ludicrous,” the vampire says. “Rowan’s always liked you, Ryan. As his second, I have a certain influence.”
Ryan stiffens as I turn, standing back-to-back with him. It probably won’t make any difference, but it’s better than clinging to him like a frightened little mouse. I grab the daggers Damon gave me, choosing to fight over surrendering meekly to my fate.
“You cannot be serious?” the second mocks. “You and a pathetic human pet are no match for the six of us.”
“Stay close. Remember Matt’s lessons,” Ryan says, his voice laced with pure determination.
There’s more than one way to win a fight.
Strength alone doesn’t guarantee victory .
Numbers don’t always give you an advantage.
Skill, speed, stamina and being smart are effective weapons and as important as power.
Fucking hell, this is bad.
I’m trying to be brave, trying to ignore the terror rising from my stomach. My eyes flick between the two vampires closing in on me and they look hungry—and the visceral, life-threatening terror spreading through me is unlike any I’ve ever known.
I blink and colors blur as movement swirls around me. Ryan yanks me down and chaos erupts around me. I’m scrambling on the floor, narrowly avoiding something as I slide to one side. I slash through the air and a screech drowns out the sounds of fighting.
My head turns towards it, and one of the vampires is writhing on the floor, clearly injured. He shouldn’t be. I don’t understand it. But he’s bleeding and clutching his arm in agony.
It’s a chance we can’t afford to lose.
I surge forward and start stabbing, thrusting the blade into him over and over again. Ryan’s behind me somewhere and the shouting and banging of impact after impact escalates, but I won’t let it distract me. I clamber onto the vampire and stab down, thrusting the dagger into its chest. His eyes meet mine and widen before he turns ashen and disintegrates into dust.
Fuck.
I turn and Ryan sends a vampire hurtling to the edge of the clearing and deflects an attack from another, exchanging blows at lightning speed until the other vampire stills and his head falls to the ground. He’s dust before his body lands and Ryan moves quickly, hauling me to my feet and covering my back .
We’ve taken two down but the other four pile in and the fighting’s furious. I’m doing anything and everything I can think of, frantically slashing and ducking, trying to inflict any danger I can.
Whatever daggers I’m using tear through flesh and cause more damage than their sharp edges ought to be capable of, and they’re having quite the effect.
Cries ring out and I’m grunting with every breath, every strike. A faint hiss sounds and I cough on the dust I’ve inhaled.
Fuck, that’s another vampire.
Fuck, that’s gross.
We’re evening the numbers but I’m tiring and Ryan’s working harder, using all his skill and experience against the three vampires left. He’s doing enough, but he’s in trouble when Rowan’s second catches him in the side. Worse, he’s in fucking danger as the second seizes his advantage and presses his attack, delivering blow after blow.
Ryan’s defending and one of the other vampires charges at me, tackling me to the ground. He opens his mouth and snarls, roaring above me as he savors the moment before his kill. It’s a mistake and I wipe my arm around, slashing across his face with one of my blades. He screams and pulls his head back, screaming in agony and I throw my weight behind me as I thrust a dagger upwards, piercing it into his skull through his mouth.
There’s a beat of stillness.
A single moment of complete calm.
Ash explodes around me and I cough, spluttering as I try to breathe while getting back onto my feet. I’m staggering around, and when the dust settles, I’m the only one standing. Ryan’s lying on the ground, hunched on his side and his arms lie weightless at his side .
My chest tightens and I gasp, broken and devastated. He’s completely lifeless and the pain is an agony I don’t want to know. I don’t want to feel. He’s saved me but paid a terrible price and I creep forward, trembling as fear takes hold.
He can’t be dead.
He’d be like the other vampires. He’d be dust.
My feet act faster than my head and I race towards him, kneeling beside him as I shake him awake. His throat’s been cut through and it’s barely held together, oozing thick black blood.
Ryan blinks at me and I know what he’s trying to tell me. He’s telling me it’s okay. He’s made his peace with this and all he wants is for me to tell Matt he thought of him at the end. He can’t talk, but his last thoughts are of his partner and he’s determined to make sure Matt knows.
“You can’t…”
I’m crying like a fucking girl and shaking him, trying to do something. Anything. Any-fucking-thing to stop him from dying.
Technically, he’s already dead, but that’s not the point. This isn’t fair. It’s not reasonable. This wasn’t supposed to be his fate and if I’d been stronger, faster, better then this wouldn’t have happened.
If I’d stayed in my room, this wouldn’t have happened.
There’s got to be a way to fix this and my fingers shake as I try knitting his flesh together, pulling at the bleeding mess as I make it meet in the middle. I hold it there, hoping it’ll be enough and my hands turn white as the layers join. It’s not healing quickly and it doesn’t look strong, but it’s better than it was before.
It's a start.
But he needs more.
More than I’ve given him .
I grab a dagger and our eyes meet. His are wide and filled with panic. Mine aren’t. They’re sure, certain, calm. I dig the point into my wrist and the sharp heat of pain shoots up my arm as I twist it over, letting blood drip into Ryan’s mouth.
His irises darken and I close my eyes, praying I’m not too late.
I open them and more blood drips into his mouth. His lips are redder and I don’t know if it’s my blood or him coming back to life. I’ve got no fucking clue what I’m doing, but this is all I can do, and we’ve got to hope it’s enough.
My gaze drops to his neck and it’s still healing. I want to believe it’s faster, but I don’t know. I can’t remember what it looked like moments ago and I stare, watching it heal and praying this works.
Ryan groans and my eyes snap to his. They’re red again and wild, overcome by the taste of my blood coursing through him. I smile and nod and his hand whips around, grabbing my wrist and pulling it to his mouth. Pain ignites in my wrist and I throw my head back and scream. Ryan holds me and as blood drains from me.
“Stop,” I plead.
He growls and I thrash. It’s useless. He’s too strong and consumed by bloodlust. We’re both fighting for survival, but only one of us is going to make it—and it won’t be me.
My head turns light and my fight weakens. The pain increases, but its sting doesn’t rouse me and my vision fades, narrowing as darkness closes in on me, carrying me away.